I can't talk to my therapist about this because of mandate reporting, and I can't talk to anyone around me... My ex emotional well-being seems to be dependent on how physical or lovey I am. He will get progressively depressed and suicidal, and be less involved with the kids if I want complete physical distance. He has exhausted mental health options, and distraction and hobbies don't help. No, we can't live apart, and no maintaining boundaries doesn't work. I don't want to be his emotionally battery, and he basically crashes if I don't maintain some degree of closeness. I put a hard no on sex due to how obviously unhealthy this all is. I feel so hopeless. I don't force myself to he a battery, but it's scary and stressful since if he kills himself not only is there how that would effect me emotionally, but also what it would do to the children and the household.
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Lilacmoon
Beautiful moon, take me away.
- Sep 23, 2020
- 1,308
Rosey, you're always suffering so much. Your ex sounds so manipulative and abusive. I've had similar experiences with an ex, but not with the extra stakes of children involved in the equation. I wish I knew how to help you, since you're always helping everyone. Here, have a hug, I love you and think you are great and doing your best to be there for your children. I just wish you could have some relief from everything, if even for a little bit.
Dark Spring
Sobreviviendo
- Sep 29, 2020
- 116
I'm sorry you have to go through all this. Is there a good dialogue between you?
I don't really know how to help you, but maybe you can talk to him and tell him that the children are in the middle of all this and that it would be very painful for them if he were to leave, He may try to recover for the children
I hope everything gets better, I send you lots of love and hugs.
I don't really know how to help you, but maybe you can talk to him and tell him that the children are in the middle of all this and that it would be very painful for them if he were to leave, He may try to recover for the children
I hope everything gets better, I send you lots of love and hugs.
InterstateFlowers
Experienced
- Apr 16, 2020
- 236
I can't offer any advice but it wouldn't be good and I'm not smart enough to deal with this but I'm sorry you're in this situation. Lilac is right, your ex sounds terribly abusive and I'm sure you know this and it's so frustrating because what can you do? I don't know, I'm sorry but I wanna support you! I'm sorry you're going through this.
Good4Nothing
Unlovable
- May 8, 2020
- 1,865
Manipulative and abusive? How did you come to that conclusion? Sounds to me like he's lonely, frustrated, and feeling rejected. Is it considered abusive now to be sad because you feel unloved? Or is there more to this story in another thread or something?
pickajack
Student
- Jul 17, 2020
- 115
@RoseyBird What a difficult situation. I can only echo the others on this thread wishing you peace and comfort. You seem such a lovely person, and it's clear we on SS all support you. Have you got supporters in you offline life besides the therapist you mentioned?
He has told me he hasn't killed himself yet because of the children.I'm sorry you have to go through all this. Is there a good dialogue between you?
I don't really know how to help you, but maybe you can talk to him and tell him that the children are in the middle of all this and that it would be very painful for them if he were to leave, He may try to recover for the children
I hope everything gets better, I send you lots of love and hugs.
Lilacmoon
Beautiful moon, take me away.
- Sep 23, 2020
- 1,308
im sorry, im stupid and used strong language because I feel awful for Rosey :(
I'm rejecting him because he cheated on me and left me for her then he came back only because it didn't work with her. He says that's not true and he just realized he really loves me, but then why wouldn't he leave her and come back to his family? He just couldn't have her.
Mine is an alcoholic and a fucking nightmare.
basically without me he kills himself slowly with alcohol. He rings me constantly, texts, begs, but still gets pissed and hides it. He's an emotional vampire and it's exhausting feeling responsible for someone else's life.
basically without me he kills himself slowly with alcohol. He rings me constantly, texts, begs, but still gets pissed and hides it. He's an emotional vampire and it's exhausting feeling responsible for someone else's life.
No, my grandma told me I should just learn to be quiet and be a good girl for my family sake.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. It's so draining.
Good4Nothing
Unlovable
- May 8, 2020
- 1,865
Oh, I see. Well, he made his bed then, I guess. I hope he feels incredibly stupid on top of the sadness.
He does, but that self hatred is what fuels his suicidality. I wish he would go find a new gf.
he's hurt you and he's damaged the relationship. some things theres just no going back from. You should be proud of yourself for not putting up with it.
Dark Spring
Sobreviviendo
- Sep 29, 2020
- 116
Well, I hope that everything gets better and that you can get out of this nightmare. You aren't alone, whenever you need to talk about anything, you will find support here.
But instead I get to live in constant fear.
Lilacmoon
Beautiful moon, take me away.
- Sep 23, 2020
- 1,308
You shouldn't have to take care everything and his own mental state on top of that! His life should be his own business, not a burden for you to worry about. :(
But what do you do when you're backed into that corner? I can't walk away, I can't just let him work it pit and die.... I had a plan before covid, and now can't.
He's blackmailing you... "give me reassurance or else...". I wish I could help but I've let mine push and coerce me for years. Best thing I did was get him out my house and it wasn't pretty but I have space to rest and breathe now without the constant anxiety of what he's up to next.
Lilacmoon
Beautiful moon, take me away.
- Sep 23, 2020
- 1,308
I don't know. Your situation is just so difficult. I didn't have children to worry about so I was able to eventually leave my abuser safely, but that isn't something that you can really do. I'm sorry Rosey, there isn't any easy solution, if there is any at all. But we love you here, and want your burden to lighten if only a little bit.
I'll give him a metaphorical punch >:|
Dark Spring
Sobreviviendo
- Sep 29, 2020
- 116
he is a very unpleasant guy honestly, I don't know what I wish for him but I wish your life will improve, you don't deserve to suffer for his stupidities
He's also just legit that emotionally that defendant.
InterstateFlowers
Experienced
- Apr 16, 2020
- 236
Stupid ex, find someone on Tinder at your wavelength and leave Rosey alone! Ugh, I sound stupid but childish but it must be so frustrating. Can you clarify on the "No, we can't live apart-" on your first post? I'm naive and don't understand why you can't kick him out other than the fact your kids might be traumatized and it'll be harder to raise them but he just sounds like so much of a burden. Also your grandma's advice sucks and that's probably the most she has ever sucked in a while and hopefully it'll stay that way.
If not for the kids he would have come back from his first date with the girl to find me hanging. I wanted to every time he went out to see her and got all dressed up and went out singing and happy leaving me crying.
Finances, substantial finances vrs dependency.
Good4Nothing
Unlovable
- May 8, 2020
- 1,865
Well, now I wish I hadn't stood up for him. I kinda hate him now.
Lilacmoon
Beautiful moon, take me away.
- Sep 23, 2020
- 1,308
Only being alive because of someone else. I know that so well, and I hate it. There's no easy way out at all. My girlfriend, your kids, we can't stand wanting to hurt either. What are we supposed to do? Have all the hugs, Rosey, I wanna cry for you.
You didn't know, it only makes sense to ask. :(
There's always two sides to a story. He would say he left because my sexual issue were too much for him, but they existed 11 years ago when we met... it fell apart because after my third baby I got sexual anxiety again and it wasn't getting better after a few months. He told me I was destroying his self worth not wanting him and I should he getting more therapy or help to "fix me" so we could have a healthy sexual relationship. He called it a dead bedroom and said I should be willing to throw him a bone from time to time. This made me more scared of sex and I would just cry if he touched me... he basically fed sexual trauma and included himself in it instead of seeing I just needed space to recover and feel like I was worth more than than but I obviously am not... I understand now I'm not worth being loved without sex. I accept that... I get to be alone forever or die.
That's him using sex for reassurance and control and thinking of his own physical and emotional needs over yours. He's a serious manipulator whether he means to be or not.
Sinkinshyp
Paragon
- Sep 7, 2020
- 947
I went through something similar but when he decided he wanted my bros gf he let me leave finally. I took the kids and told him shove the house up his hos arse... its such an awful predicament to be in. My ex used to cheat and it would distance me sexually. And he couldn't understand why. I put up with it for 7-8 years and finally he said I can go. Has he cheated more than once ?
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