I have no friends / Toxic frienship

[stinky_joe]

Throughout my life, I've always struggled with friendships. I could never form a strong connection with someone, and I still can't. The friends I make always seem to disappear.

I don't think I'm an asshole or anything but people don't see me as a good friend or maybe a respectable person. I had a group of friends with whom I'd chat with or sometimes even go out with. But now I don't even want to see their face. I always was just a friend for them and nothing that close but I was happy to have them. But now, everytime I talk to one of them, it feels like they're just trying to annoy me or "ragebait" me as they sometimes say aswell. I assure you, I'm not here because someone made a joke and I got mad, no. I've gone through this so much. It feels like talking to a wall, I say something, and they just find a way to make me regret even opening my mouth. And they laugh about it. We play a game together, and someone decides to kill me for some reason (while we're on the same team) and I have to wait 5 minutes to be able to play again. Everyone in the group kind of goes through the same stuff but it is safe to say that I am at the bottom of the food chain here. (It kinda sounds like I'm just crying here that I got killed in a game but I promise you, these people make me regret talking to them every so often.)

For these and some other reasons, I decided to stop participating in any activities and even texting in the group chat. And guess what? No one really cared. After about a month or so one of them texted me about some place that sells t-shirts and another one which is the "busy guy" who is always busy whenever I ask him to play a game with me asked me to play with him and I declined saying I wasn't home.

I don't know if I'm just being a bad person but I don't see these people as friends anymore. I used to accept them for who they are saying that these are what friends are but I got so sick of it.

Sorry that I just wrote alot of stupid thoughts but I feel so alone now. Realizing that theres no one that truly appreciates my friendship and values me. I don't know if I just suck as a person or if theres something else wrong with me but I hate the way my life has been going for the last 5 years.

Also I've lost the tiny amount of confidence that I used to have. The one I referred to as the "busy guy" keeps calling me a certain name about my appearence. It was funny as first but he kept saying and saying that thing, almost like a nickname and it made me hate the way I look even more. Sometimes I feel like a creature that does not deserve any love or happiness. I feel like even the sight of me could make people get disgusted. Not always but sometimes those feelings grow stronger. I don't really believe that I'll find any friends and be in a relationship at all. I wish I could love myself.

 

[Leonszabs]

I understand what you mean, I used to interact with many people, and they ended up being fake friends. It made me sad, but you'll need to understand that you're better off without them. Surrounding yourself with people who actually care about you is one of the best feelings imo. I hope you end up finding people who actually keep in touch and love you the way you are

 

[stinky_joe]

I understand what you mean, I used to interact with many people, and they ended up being fake friends. It made me sad, but you'll need to understand that you're better off without them. Surrounding yourself with people who actually care about you is one of the best feelings imo. I hope you end up finding people who actually keep in touch and love you the way you are

Thank you so much. At least I could actually kind of distance them from myself. Feeling all alone is hard but I agree with you, being with bad people is worse.

 

[Leonszabs]

Thank you so much. At least I could actually kind of distance them from myself. Feeling all alone is hard but I agree with you, being with bad people is worse.

Exactly. I think you could make better friends by finding people who have similar hobbies. I found my best friend on social media because we play the same game, and we have been talking ever since. Sending you my love

 

[stinky_joe]

Exactly. I think you could make better friends by finding people who have similar hobbies. I found my best friend on social media because we play the same game, and we have been talking ever since. Sending you my love

I hope so man I hope I can find someone who truly accepts me as a friend. Thanks for your words, much love

 

[starinthesky]

Large friend groups are often like that, they're no different from a social hierarchy in school or work. That means that some people in that hierarchy will see you as a tool to solidify their position in it.

Worse yet, gaming arrangements seem to be the worst, it's all about if you're showing up to play or not.
I'm really sorry... Those friends don't deserve you.

I don't have a lot of experience myself, but having a smaller group is probably better? Maybe one where you make it really clear what you seek in friends

 

[stinky_joe]

Large friend groups are often like that, they're no different from a social hierarchy in school or work. s that some people in that hierarchy will see you as a tool to solidify their position in it.

Worse yet, gaming arrangements seem to be the worst, it's all about if you're showing up to play or not.
I'm really sorry... Those friends don't deserve you.

I don't have a lot of experience myself, but having a smaller group is probably better? Maybe one where you make it really clear what you seek in friends

Large friend groups are often like that, they're no different from a social hierarchy in school or work. That means that some people in that hierarchy will see you as a tool to solidify their position in it.

Worse yet, gaming arrangements seem to be the worst, it's all about if you're showing up to play or not.
I'm really sorry... Those friends don't deserve you.

I don't have a lot of experience myself, but having a smaller group is probably better? Maybe one where you make it really clear what you seek in friends

It used to be small honestly, but more people became a part of it as time moved on. And the first people changed too. I don't enjoy my time with them anymore.

I'm hoping I'll finally find good friends when the time is right. Just need to go with the flow I guess.