Venting I have a chance and I fucked up (again)

[PrettyCorpse]

Hello,
This is my first post since I joined about 2 years ago. I'm pretty bad with communities, never been in one or anything. I'm very afraid of interacting with people, but right now I don't know what to do.
I have a chance to ctb right now. I have a couple different pills and melatonin and enough time alone so my chance of survival is not really high. I was about to do it but I just can't. I'm not even particularly afraid I just feel like I can't move. Everything is drowsy and I feel so empty. I'm probably just going to sleep, maybe I have the guts tomorrow but I still feel horrible. I have no friends and the guy I was dating cheated on me and my parents aren't talking to me either. I hate my body, I'm so fat even tho I do everything in my might to lose weight, but I can't, it shouldn't even be possible to gain anything?!
I haven't spoken to anyone in weeks, I don't do anything either, sometimes I pace in a circle for hours if I'm not too depressed. I feel so pathetic, everything in my life has just been piling up and it doesn't get better, it gets worse and worse and worse.
I always wanted to do it and now I can't even do it.

I'm sorry if this is not how one should do a post but I just don't know anymore. I just needed to get it out. Thank you

 

[Wolf Girl]

Hey, if this doesn't feel like the right time, there's no shame in waiting. This is a permanent decision so you need to make sure you're ready when you do it.

 

[kingfool316]

This is an improtant decision. there are no take backs if you succeed. Many of us here are just tired, but some managed to get back. You have to really reflect on this. I already did and I made my choice so there is nothing left, but you might not be the same. Please reflect first before deciding

 

[Cauliflour]

It sounds like your struggling with a lack of motivation to the point where even committing suicide, which is already a hard task in itself, is now amplified to be very difficult. I'm not a therapist but maybe make a plan on what you want to do for the next day? Even if it's something as small as "making a bowl of cereal" or "cleaning all the cups", it'll be like stepping stones into regaining that motivation. What you do after that depends on what you choose but that's my advice.

 

[cookiencream]

As everyone else has said, don't force yourself if you aren't ready 100%. Explore your options.