Venting i hate having friends but i hate being alone

[emptymiku]

i'm so selfish. i always want to have friends but every time they end up leaving me because of something that was entirely my fault. i'm tired of hurting people, but i'm tired of being hurt. i'm tired of being alone. i'm tired of messing everything up.

i don't think i've ever felt this empty and depressed before, it's probably the worst it has ever been right now. i feel so empty. there is nothing going right, other than the fact that i have a friend for once. but i'm eventually going to ruin it. i'm going to eventually hurt them. and it's going to hurt 10x more than last time. maybe when that day comes, i'll finally have the courage to disappear.

 

[themisfell]

what do you hate about friends?

 

[emptymiku]

what do you hate about friends?

eventually losing them and walking on eggshells to prevent it, sorry if it wasnt clear in my post

 

[themisfell]

eventually losing them and walking on eggshells to prevent it, sorry if it wasnt clear in my post

it's okay. I'm really sorry to hear that, do you miss hanging out with people? if so, I get that

 

[hikaru13]

walking on eggshells to prevent it

There will be friends that will accept you for who you are and that you won't have to appease just for them to stay. I'm not just trying to comfort you, but those people will come to you when you least expect it.

Maybe the constant fear of losing them is limiting you from expressing yourself properly :(

 

[unluckysadness]

i'm so selfish. i always want to have friends but every time they end up leaving me because of something that was entirely my fault. i'm tired of hurting people, but i'm tired of being hurt. i'm tired of being alone. i'm tired of messing everything up.

i don't think i've ever felt this empty and depressed before, it's probably the worst it has ever been right now. i feel so empty. there is nothing going right, other than the fact that i have a friend for once. but i'm eventually going to ruin it. i'm going to eventually hurt them. and it's going to hurt 10x more than last time. maybe when that day comes, i'll finally have the courage to disappear.

I feel you as I have the same problem. When I'm with people I want to be alone, and when I'm alone I'd like to speak with other people. I feel like an alien since i was a kid. Being so completely different sucks. No one can understand me. My brain is so sick since decades. It has probably to do with autism but it cost a lot for being properly diagnosed