Venting Being tortured by my dreams

[yui.]

I wake up crying every single day because I have the most wonderful dreams every night. I don't bawl my eyes out or anything. I just let the tears roll down my face while I desperately will myself back into a distant and fleeting dream world. But eventually, I wake up. I always wake up. Every single day, I just hope I never have to wake up into this horrible world ever again. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm scared of falling asleep because I hate the feeling of realization. I dread when my brain tells me "everything was a dream." I'm so sick and tired of these stupid dreams if that's all they ever will be, just dreams. It's just too cruel.

I never feel satisfied, happy, joyful, or motivated no matter what I do in life. But in my dreams, I have everything I could ever wished for. I go on fun adventures with my friends. We solve mysteries together. We discover new worlds and people. It's all stuff that wouldn't even be possible irl. It's all so frickin' childish, and I hate myself for it. I hate being unable to feel any sort of satisfaction unless it's in a fictional universe created by my miserable imagination.

 

[BloodStainedAntlers]

I'm sorry to hear that man. Its an incredibly cruel experience to go through, especially since dreams can feel so realistic and then you wake up to actual reality just to realise its still the same bs it's always been. I rarely dream at all anymore (and when i do its genuinely almost exclusively nightmares or hyperrealistic dreams about CTB), but I used to have these amazing beautiful dreams at night of beinh happy and loved and at peace, and genuinely nothig was worse than waking up in the morning and realising that it was all just a dream after all, and that real life is still the same miserable shitshow. It sucks to get a 'taste' of what life could be like if everything wasnt so fucked up, just to be violently ripped out of that illusion and back into reality.

 

[yui.]

I'm sorry to hear that man. Its an incredibly cruel experience to go through, especially since dreams can feel so realistic and then you wake up to actual reality just to realise its still the same bs it's always been. I rarely dream at all anymore (and when i do its genuinely almost exclusively nightmares or hyperrealistic dreams about CTB), but I used to have these amazing beautiful dreams at night of beinh happy and loved and at peace, and genuinely nothig was worse than waking up in the morning and realising that it was all just a dream after all, and that real life is still the same miserable shitshow. It sucks to get a 'taste' of what life could be like if everything wasnt so fucked up, just to be violently ripped out of that illusion and back into reality.

I hope the nightmares stop for you soon. We should at least get to catch a break in the few moments when we're unconscious of the real world. Maybe one day, when all of this is over, our best dreams will truly become a new reality. At least, that's what I say to keep myself sane.

Last night, I had a wonderful dream about a close friend of mine. In the dream, we were both children in elementary school (which doesn't make sense because we never met in childhood). I was on a playdate with him at his grandfather's place (also very strange because I've never even met his grandfather). We were staring out the window of the apartment, trying to find new species of insects that we could record in our notebooks. We thought that we could become millionaires if we published our findings on a brand new species of a beetle that has never been seen before. We were looking for one that was supposed to fluoresce during late evening hours, grow up to the size of our palms, and fly at high speeds when startled.

I'm still thinking about this dream even after a full day of dragging my body around, forcing myself to eat, and faking a smile so my family won't worry about me. I lay in my bed during most of my free time. I don't even play games or watch movies anymore because I don't enjoy anything I do no matter what it is. I don't understand how I can be so happy in these pointless dreams and so miserable in reality. What do I have in these stupid dreams that I don't in life? I'm confident that I've stopped living a long time ago. Life is meant for people who have something that they still look forward to, something that'll motivate them to go on. I'm only a moving corpse who's sick and tired of waiting for death to arrive.

Sorry for the long vent. Thank you for the reply and your kind words.

 

[ipmanwc0]

This is relatable. Don't hate yourself, it's not childish, the life we as a society have made for ourselves is dissatisfying and we should want more than this

 

[BloodStainedAntlers]

I hope the nightmares stop for you soon. We should at least get to catch a break in the few moments when we're unconscious of the real world. Maybe one day, when all of this is over, our best dreams will truly become a new reality. At least, that's what I say to keep myself sane.

Last night, I had a wonderful dream about a close friend of mine. In the dream, we were both children in elementary school (which doesn't make sense because we never met in childhood). I was on a playdate with him at his grandfather's place (also very strange because I've never even met his grandfather). We were staring out the window of the apartment, trying to find new species of insects that we could record in our notebooks. We thought that we could become millionaires if we published our findings on a brand new species of a beetle that has never been seen before. We were looking for one that was supposed to fluoresce during late evening hours, grow up to the size of our palms, and fly at high speeds when startled.

I'm still thinking about this dream even after a full day of dragging my body around, forcing myself to eat, and faking a smile so my family won't worry about me. I lay in my bed during most of my free time. I don't even play games or watch movies anymore because I don't enjoy anything I do no matter what it is. I don't understand how I can be so happy in these pointless dreams and so miserable in reality. What do I have in these stupid dreams that I don't in life? I'm confident that I've stopped living a long time ago. Life is meant for people who have something that they still look forward to, something that'll motivate them to go on. I'm only a moving corpse who's sick and tired of waiting for death to arrive.

Sorry for the long vent. Thank you for the reply and your kind words.

Oh man, the dream you had sounds so peaceful and nostalgic. I wish we'd understand how dreams work a bit better, maybe then we would get why they happen the way they do.
And I rlly feel you on not enjoying anything anymore, its the same for me aswell. I just lay in bed most of the time when i dont have to do something. I do hope you find some peace my friend, it's tough to have to drag yourself through every day. <3
And yeah, i do hope that someday our best dreams become reality, that would be quite nice