Venting PMDD is making everything worse

[otomedissection]

I already go through enough shit but PMDD is making everything exponentially worse. I feel like my brain is physically deteriorating and I sob and act violently toward myself over literally everything. And what sucks is that NOTHING helps. I feel so fatigued and exhausted from everything that I can't even fathom doing CBT or DBT or any kind of thought reframing. All I can do is just lay in a heap on my bed for days and cry until I fall asleep. Then when I wake up it's the same shit!! All I can do is just sit in misery until it goes away. Although it never truly goes away because then I'm just bombarded with the usual shit I go through every day with depression and ADHD. And I'm so scared. I dread every single month because I know exactly when it's going to happen and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I've already taken so many different SSRI's and SNRI's that usually get prescribed for PMDD, and my current meds manage my depression/anxiety decently, but never the PMDD. The only other treatment I can think of is getting a hysterectomy, but I have insane dysphoria around that kind of thing. Like I feel like I am broken sexually as it is and nobody would ever tolerate being with me if I couldn't have kids. I feel so worthless and like every single part of my body is always attacking me. And I know I shouldn't try to CTB when I'm in my absolute worst state of mind but god does it get tempting.

 

[freycinetia]

I also have PMDD, and I feel the same way. I feel like I keep hitting a new low whenever it comes around and by the time it's over I end up so exhausted that it throws my mental health straight back in hell anyway.

Sorry I have nothing better to say, but just wanted to let you know that I feel you and understand you.

 

[_Gollum_]

Sorry you're going through this :\ For what it's worth, I don't think getting a hysterectomy will entail never being loved. You would just have to find someone who doesn't want biological kids (of which there are many!). I got my fallopian tubes removed and I'm very glad I did so, though it was expressly for pregnancy prevention.

Point is, you shouldn't feel bad about not wanting to be in pain anymore. It's your body and your life; an abstract future partner does not get a say in how much suffering you have to tolerate.