Venting I gave it a good try

[terra.nuvo]

I tried. At least I can say I tried. And I understand that in life the trying never stops and sometime shit just hits the fan but I feel like I can never get a moment of peace. Im not gonna ctb but I want to. I wish I could, but I can't. And I just have to keep going on in life until the end, but it hurts. I was doing so well for some time but I'm just tired of trying. I wish I could just live in a solo world where it's just me. No having to deal with people and inconsistency. I know I'm the problem. I'm too guarded. But I'd rather be this way than the person I was before who everyone loved but also loved to take advantage of. And now I've pushed away the last person I had.

I had a dream a little while ago that I was desperately trying to break a curse in my family. The curse cause anyone in my family to forget all the love they've ever felt for others and to lose the ability to love forever. By the end of the dream, I was so scared because I still hadn't found a way to break the curse. But then a crow flew through the window with a piece of paper. It was a message from my sister who had written a spell. The spell would tie a person's heart to another's so that they would never forget the love they have for them. I'm scared, in reality, the curse won. I feel I've finally lost my ability to love. I've become someone I never wanted to be.

 

[timf]

Love is an interesting word. It can be confusing because it is used in different ways. Many use it to describe the feelings they have that include hopeful anticipation, reciprocal affection, and the possibility of trust. Half the popular songs f the last century touch on the power of these feelings.

There is another component of love that is less frequently touched on and that is self-sacrifice. This is what causes a mother to care for her crying baby and a father to endure unsatisfying work to provide for his family. One can do this at a micro scale such as a brief encounter with a store clerk who is harried and commenting that they deserve double pay for double work. It can be a boost for someone to know that their work is recognized.

In a society that is increasingly self oriented one would expect to encounter those who would take advantage of you. However, it is still possible to find those who remain less affected and try to connect with those who have some capacity for selfless love.