miles-away
Member
- May 13, 2025
- 82
I feel so empty inside. Nothing really makes me happy and nothing really makes it go away. I constantly like I'm missing something that most humans have. Like, they can be content with themselves when they're alone. And I can't. I keep chasing towards a goal or a hobby, hoping it will go away. I'm not where I am in life; I'm almost 24 and pretty far behind. But even if I "made it" aka had an actual career going and lived on my own, I still wouldn't be happier. Hell, I'd be even lonelier.
I feel like I'll just never be able to contact with people. There's always a distance. Being an agoraphobe for the entirety of my teen years has absoutely rocked my psyche in ways I'm still dechiphering. I'm still fighting back against that fight-or-flight instinct that kicks in when something as being as a waiter asking me how my food is. I feel like some alien trying and failing to blend in.
I recently went on a trip with my friend. Pretty much my only friend and I hate how much I've relied on him. But during the trip I felt numb. A type of content numbness. I was fairly disappointed with the trip and the place we went. But then he dropped me off and I felt that emptiness and lonliness hit me like wave. When I discussed this with him, he said he sort of felt the same but eventually you just get used to that feeling so it doesn't matter.
Idk. Everytime I leave my parents house, which I'm so desperate to do, I always just feel extremely lonely. I guess the simple answer it to "get more friends". I recently cut off another friend who I relied on when he made it very, very clear how little he thought of me. I just wish I could be content.
I feel like I'll just never be able to contact with people. There's always a distance. Being an agoraphobe for the entirety of my teen years has absoutely rocked my psyche in ways I'm still dechiphering. I'm still fighting back against that fight-or-flight instinct that kicks in when something as being as a waiter asking me how my food is. I feel like some alien trying and failing to blend in.
I recently went on a trip with my friend. Pretty much my only friend and I hate how much I've relied on him. But during the trip I felt numb. A type of content numbness. I was fairly disappointed with the trip and the place we went. But then he dropped me off and I felt that emptiness and lonliness hit me like wave. When I discussed this with him, he said he sort of felt the same but eventually you just get used to that feeling so it doesn't matter.
Idk. Everytime I leave my parents house, which I'm so desperate to do, I always just feel extremely lonely. I guess the simple answer it to "get more friends". I recently cut off another friend who I relied on when he made it very, very clear how little he thought of me. I just wish I could be content.
