i dont think i like feeling “better”

[ilovecats1]

its like ive forgotten why i tried to die the entirety of last week. im not alone in the house anymore and also for some reason i dont think i can do it now since everything seems so pointless to me. its like i dont feel much of anything i at least felt something when i was sure i was going to die like it wasnt "happy" emotions but it was something like a feeling in my chest. also at some point i wasnt even thinking about what pushed me into this which now is just pointless to me but i was just obsessed over dying.

this is so much more scarier than before i just dont feel anything about anything.

sorry for the pointless thread

 

[timf]

For some people a lack of feeling is a state between feeling bad and feeling good. One might think of this as a point at which one can experiment with their environment to try to take control. If an experiment fails, it can be dropped and another experiment can be tried. As one discovers things that work, they can accumulate some skills at making life better.

 

[ilovecats1]

For some people a lack of feeling is a state between feeling bad and feeling good. One might think of this as a point at which one can experiment with their environment to try to take control. If an experiment fails, it can be dropped and another experiment can be tried. As one discovers things that work, they can accumulate some skills at making life better.

i suppose. but i kinda just want to return to my previous state at this point it was more "comfortable"

 

[timf]

If you do return to your previous state, you may want to still dabble with experimentation. It might be a way to discover things that could be useful in the future.

 

[yui_suicisawa]

I feel this a lot. I try to recover, but my mind and body has been exposed to misery for over a decade. It likes pain. It likes despair. It doesn't want to change. Change is scary. I believe this is why my relapses on suicidal ideation hit so hard. It's like my mind punishes me for daring to abandon depression.

 

[timf]

Change is scary

This is why it can be attempted in what might be considered small or inconsequential ways. If one discovers success in small ways, it might be used to build momentum to attempt slightly more ambitious changes.