Venting I feel like a voyeur of my own life

[BlueLock]

I'm just watching the days fly by while doing nothing with my life. If you asked me what I do in a day I'd draw a blank. If you asked me what I did this year I would have nothing to say. You could say this about the past 3 years of my life--wasted. Completely wasted. The years before are hardly any better. I don't do anything! I'm my very own princess trapped in my very own tower and I don't even know why, I don't even know how to change this. And maybe I'm being dramatic but I don't know how else to express what I feel. I imagined my life being so much different than this, when I was younger I wanted to be somebody but now I don't even feel like a person. When I got a bit older for some reason I just rejected the outside world, I didn't want to go out and be rejected or deal with anything painful like that. I just wanted to get away from it all. I wanted escape my problems by avoiding them and it worked for a while but it costed me my growth, and it ended up just giving me worse, more complex problems. Honestly no suicide attempt has ever been more destructive than that because the minute I started hiding away I realized I never wanted to stop. I felt safe and content hiding away in my bedroom and now my life has shrunk to the size of a bedroom.

I haven't done anything meaningful with my life in maybe 3 years--maybe a year if you count working some minimum wage job, which frankly I don't think should count but considering how empty my life is now maybe it should. I don't have any questions or advice to give about it this is just something that's been in the back of my mind for a while. I barely feel like a person. I wish I could relive my life, or rather just start a new one because this life feels like a waste.

 

[citruslynx]

Honestly even just working a minimum wage job is worth something I feel. But I relate, sometimes I wish I could redo my life over. Or better yet never have existed in the first place.

 

[Quietist]

I could have written this myself. Every word of it.

All I can really say is that I relate all too well.

If you want to talk about it, I'm here.

 

[Crematoryy]

I'm just watching the days fly by while doing nothing with my life. If you asked me what I do in a day I'd draw a blank. If you asked me what I did this year I would have nothing to say. You could say this about the past 3 years of my life--wasted. Completely wasted. The years before are hardly any better. I don't do anything! I'm my very own princess trapped in my very own tower and I don't even know why, I don't even know how to change this. And maybe I'm being dramatic but I don't know how else to express what I feel. I imagined my life being so much different than this, when I was younger I wanted to be somebody but now I don't even feel like a person. When I got a bit older for some reason I just rejected the outside world, I didn't want to go out and be rejected or deal with anything painful like that. I just wanted to get away from it all. I wanted escape my problems by avoiding them and it worked for a while but it costed me my growth, and it ended up just giving me worse, more complex problems. Honestly no suicide attempt has ever been more destructive than that because the minute I started hiding away I realized I never wanted to stop. I felt safe and content hiding away in my bedroom and now my life has shrunk to the size of a bedroom.

I haven't done anything meaningful with my life in maybe 3 years--maybe a year if you count working some minimum wage job, which frankly I don't think should count but considering how empty my life is now maybe it should. I don't have any questions or advice to give about it this is just something that's been in the back of my mind for a while. I barely feel like a person. I wish I could relive my life, or rather just start a new one because this life feels like a waste.

My life had shrunk to the size of a room, and the only access to the outside world was the internet. But I broke the cycle by throwing myself into the world to be devoured by existence. It's been madness after madness, disappointment after disappointment, but still I choose this over my gradual suicide at home.