Venting i can't decide if i want to live or die

[nofun.intended]

i tried out partial suspension about a week ago, but ever since i haven't been able to follow through with the plans i made to get ready to CTB. i feel like i don't want to anymore. it's dumb though, because i know that the feeling will come back soon. idk how much longer i can resist it. i just don't want to be alive anymore, but part of me wants to see just how far i can push myself until i snap completely.

 

[missingpeace]

Your stuck in limbo, just like so many of us. It's always SI kicking in trying to stop you from hurting yourself. It's not at all easy to ctb, the only way to push past it is if your life gets worse and the pain increases.. Or you can try and make a change and see if things get better.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that after all, only you know when the time is right to leave this world, I believe that it's a feeling that one has when they know that it's certain. But anyway I wish you the best of luck in whatever happens.