bugs_for_brains
We can always regroup on the moon <3
- Mar 4, 2024
- 98
i feel so bad i guess i thought i was sober and/or forgot how much xanax and whatever else i took so my mum and sister started questioning me and i remember literally nothing but apparently i was just acting super defensive so they searched my room and found a bunch of drugs, blades and my rope. I definitely embarassed tf out of myself and idk i guess i scared them cause my mum wants me to see a doctor again but also they seem pretty normal with me so idk. I woke up covered in vomit and my sister told me i kept telling them how much i love being high basically and that i'd kill myself without it.
i feel so terrible but i dont wanna keep over apologising or making it about me, i just dk how im meant to look at them the same. Im getting all my mail searched now and im supposed to have more stuff arriving soon idk if im gonna be able to get it or if i should tell my mum before it gets here or what would be best considering i can usually grab the package without anyone noticing.
i also reached back out to my online friend who i dont even like and is just overall pretty rude and disgusting to me sometimes after this bc like i have no other friends and hes also an addict i felt like hes the only person im not ashamed of this stuff with (even tho ik i should let myself feel ashamed so maybe i'd actually stop). He did apologise again so i feel like i cant back out again now but i just feel sick thinking about talking to him even tho i also want to. tbh i moreso just miss our old friendship but i dont think its repairable.
i didnt mean to ramble abt that but the point is i basically ruined everything for my family and myself and i dont know how im supposed to fix it or how im supposed to die now. i feel like the longer it takes me to kms the more i just mess stuff up and upset people. i know its selfish to be so preoccupied with how it affects me but idk how to not feel that way.
needless to say i will never be buying that many xans again
i feel so terrible but i dont wanna keep over apologising or making it about me, i just dk how im meant to look at them the same. Im getting all my mail searched now and im supposed to have more stuff arriving soon idk if im gonna be able to get it or if i should tell my mum before it gets here or what would be best considering i can usually grab the package without anyone noticing.
i also reached back out to my online friend who i dont even like and is just overall pretty rude and disgusting to me sometimes after this bc like i have no other friends and hes also an addict i felt like hes the only person im not ashamed of this stuff with (even tho ik i should let myself feel ashamed so maybe i'd actually stop). He did apologise again so i feel like i cant back out again now but i just feel sick thinking about talking to him even tho i also want to. tbh i moreso just miss our old friendship but i dont think its repairable.
i didnt mean to ramble abt that but the point is i basically ruined everything for my family and myself and i dont know how im supposed to fix it or how im supposed to die now. i feel like the longer it takes me to kms the more i just mess stuff up and upset people. i know its selfish to be so preoccupied with how it affects me but idk how to not feel that way.
needless to say i will never be buying that many xans again
