I'm always angry. Literally all the time. Sometimes I can cope with it, but not always. It's very consuming for me. I'm usually so angry, it stresses me a lot. I feel pressure in the chest, and while I don't have cardiac problems, it's not a good thing. The symptoms are that I hate everyone, really, the first things I think about new people are always bad. I want to incite fights, see suffering, and I start conflicts them for the dumbest annoyance someone does at me. I have no patience, I'm very irritable, and in permanent stress. I don't have sense of risk, either. This behavior endangered me many times, but I can't stop acting like this. I really can't help myself.
You guys suffer acts in your life with depression and suicidality, but I experience it with anger and wanting to hurt people. I feel outwards rather than directed to myself. I'm almost never depressed, but always mad. I have hobbies, both indoors and outdoors, and I'm never bored. Most of the time, I cope fairly well, and anger is a minor annoyance. They are usually good at calming me, but there are times when the stress is too big. Meditation doesn't work. Hot baths don't work either. I need constant activity, being stopped only makes me more nervous.
I think it has origin in the abuse I received when growing up, and being treated like a brigand, well, now I'm one and proud of it lol. Honestly, I only care about my own stress. I stopped caring about others when I finally snapped. Sorry if it sounds uncaring, but it's the harsh truth. I literally can't endure a single thing more, so I jump at the minimal thing done at me. It made me want to hurt others so bad. My family and most authorities neglected me so much I want to scream so hard when I remember it. I have fucking flashbacks to this day. I grew up starved of love, and never had a true friend, just people to be around we never really cared about each other. Maybe that's why I'm extremely cold today.
I'm extremely intolerant, in general. Another reason I came here was to listen different people, and it worked at first, but I'm relapsing. I've tried to surround myself with all kinds of people, but, sadly, it only made it even worse, and me even more hateful. I feel I've exhausted every way to get rid of all this stress and feeling like a 80 yo all the time.
I go therapy, BTW. I just want to complement it.
You guys suffer acts in your life with depression and suicidality, but I experience it with anger and wanting to hurt people. I feel outwards rather than directed to myself. I'm almost never depressed, but always mad. I have hobbies, both indoors and outdoors, and I'm never bored. Most of the time, I cope fairly well, and anger is a minor annoyance. They are usually good at calming me, but there are times when the stress is too big. Meditation doesn't work. Hot baths don't work either. I need constant activity, being stopped only makes me more nervous.
I think it has origin in the abuse I received when growing up, and being treated like a brigand, well, now I'm one and proud of it lol. Honestly, I only care about my own stress. I stopped caring about others when I finally snapped. Sorry if it sounds uncaring, but it's the harsh truth. I literally can't endure a single thing more, so I jump at the minimal thing done at me. It made me want to hurt others so bad. My family and most authorities neglected me so much I want to scream so hard when I remember it. I have fucking flashbacks to this day. I grew up starved of love, and never had a true friend, just people to be around we never really cared about each other. Maybe that's why I'm extremely cold today.
I'm extremely intolerant, in general. Another reason I came here was to listen different people, and it worked at first, but I'm relapsing. I've tried to surround myself with all kinds of people, but, sadly, it only made it even worse, and me even more hateful. I feel I've exhausted every way to get rid of all this stress and feeling like a 80 yo all the time.
I go therapy, BTW. I just want to complement it.
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