JustHeckinKillMe
Cool I'm dead
- Sep 26, 2019
- 122
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Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,163
Sadly, I don't believe there is any way for one to forget a traumatic memory. When we face trauma our brain forces the incident/incidents back into our unconscious. Once we come to a somewhat calmer stage our lives the memories re-surface. The best way to deal with them is to, as hard as this sounds, feel them. Feel and see them for what they are. You may end up crying, screaming, and feeling like shit. But if you don't it will continue to stay and haunt your brain. So to answer your question, there is no forgetting trauma. There is learning to accept it so it won't have as much control over your brain and your life in the future. The quicker you can the easier it will be for your body and mind to process
As much as I say this, I struggle. I have moments where I shut out my trauma and refuse to face it. I am sure there are other memories that won't resurface until later. So many blocked out memories of my childhood and unhealed traumas. A lot of it is too much and that fear of having to face the pain makes me want to CTB. I would rather die and escape the pain than deal with it. So If it takes you some time too, that's ok. Its not a race, its a process
As much as I say this, I struggle. I have moments where I shut out my trauma and refuse to face it. I am sure there are other memories that won't resurface until later. So many blocked out memories of my childhood and unhealed traumas. A lot of it is too much and that fear of having to face the pain makes me want to CTB. I would rather die and escape the pain than deal with it. So If it takes you some time too, that's ok. Its not a race, its a process
Life_and_Death
Do what's best for you
- Jul 1, 2020
- 6,494
Have you ever tried an ignoring approach? Like you would with something you don't want to hear. Put your fingers in your ears and go LALALALALALALALALALALALALA. In theory it should redirect the brain like grounding but it's more abrupt about it.
signifying nothing
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- Sep 13, 2020
- 2,553
You can try but will likely fail. You would probably have to stay away from any and all reminders of similar experiences for the rest of your life.
As @NomoreNormalcyHere said, you need to feel and process the traumatic memories in order to change them, almost relive them so that you overwrite the original with better/different outcomes. I don't know if that's possible alone. If your original traumatic experiences involved other people then you will most likely need other people to help you.
Those are my thoughts anyway, from my own experiences and reading I've done. There are lots of books on the subject if you wanted to read more about trauma and what might be possible in terms of self directed treatment.
As @NomoreNormalcyHere said, you need to feel and process the traumatic memories in order to change them, almost relive them so that you overwrite the original with better/different outcomes. I don't know if that's possible alone. If your original traumatic experiences involved other people then you will most likely need other people to help you.
Those are my thoughts anyway, from my own experiences and reading I've done. There are lots of books on the subject if you wanted to read more about trauma and what might be possible in terms of self directed treatment.
muffin222
Enlightened
- Mar 31, 2020
- 1,188
This is a great response. I completely agree- we can't fully forget a traumatic memory. As they say in therapy, "the only way out is through". It's true, unfortunately. We cannot erase traumatic memories on our own, but by processing the memories and emotions as well as working through our triggers one-by-one, we can desensitize our reaction to the trauma and integrate it into our sense of self.
Once processed and integrated, the traumatic memories won't hold as much power over our reactions and emotions. Re-processing can be excruciating at times, but eventually you do come out on the other side with much greater self-awareness and inner-peace.
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Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,163
Basically this. I'm glad you liked my response :)
GenesAndEnvironment
Autistic loser
- Jan 26, 2021
- 5,743
Jarni
Memento mori
- Dec 12, 2020
- 282
Don't think at all about that or like it was with smb else and in "other life" and you are not concerned. Be concentrated on other good things and good people.
Always worked for me.
Always worked for me.
Avyn
Experienced
- Jan 27, 2021
- 228
You will never forget traumatic memories, as sad as it is. Trying to forget them only leads you to think more about them and that's the opossite of what you want. In reality, you can never forget these memories no matter how hard you try.
Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,163
Its really sad though. It would be cool if we could just forget all the horrible things that happened to us and create happy memories to fill in the blanks. Or not have bad thing happen to us at all.
Makko
Iä!
- Jan 17, 2021
- 2,430
This is going to sound strange but I think bad memories are a bit like spoilers. Once you got them, you can't un-get them. They will decrease your enjoyment of the "show" and there's nothing you can do about that, besides accepting that parts of the show are spoiled and getting the most enjoyment you can from the parts that aren't.
Avyn
Experienced
- Jan 27, 2021
- 228
I think it would be amazing if we could just do that instead but sadly we can't... we will always remember the times we were abused, mistreated, made fun of, bullied, harassed, etc. It is very sad but..that's life and trying desperately to forget these memories just makes it worse and leads us to think about them more - completely the opposite of what you'd want.
Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,163
I know. it is a tragedy. Especially when my trauma triggers my CTB. I don't know how it would be possible to look back at my trauma's and not be triggered to die. It isn't fair, also since my mom basically got away with it by dying of cancer. She never suffered for what she did to me.
Avyn
Experienced
- Jan 27, 2021
- 228
I would also like to forget every bad thing i went through and that my family suffers in hell for what they did and still are doing to me, making me have to run away and have a hard life just because they are selfish dogs. I completely understand you wanted her to suffer, I'm sure all of us want the ones that brought us to this point to get punished for it.
Life_and_Death
Do what's best for you
- Jul 1, 2020
- 6,494
maybe dying from cancer was her punishment? ive never had cancer but from what ive read, her last (however long she had cancer for) probably havent been pleasant. although i understand the feeling, everyone thats f'ed me over and given me cptsd and ptsd are living theyre perfect little happy lives like i never existed and they never did shit, so yeah....i get wanting to get rid of the thoughts and i get being pissed of that you have to suffer while the other gets off scott free.
The three Rs that I use over and over and over. Rationalize, Refocus, and Reframe.
Rationalize/Revisit means to understand how it happened, why it happened, and how to move on from it. So I was sexually abused at 5, well that sucks in general, but it happened because my mom was financially insecure and saw me as property to be sold or abused. It happened long ago, she's no longer in my life because she's dead and she never apologized for it.
Refocus means to look at it from another perspective using either peer research, therapy, or internal thoughts. Mom never apologized or allowed me closure. Research says it wasn't my fault, I didn't consent, but then I never told anyone about it and that's because of fear. Fear of no one believing, fear that I would be abused more, fear that it would cause more harm to my family. But it wasn't my fault.
Reframing is taking the rationalization and refocusing to form a new objective. So because all that has happened, and yet I feel sad about it, it isn't my fault, and never will be. Keep on healing, letting time dictate the process of healing. Reframing my mind to believe that yes it happened, it wasn't my fault, and that I would never get the closure I needed, but closure came in the form of my mom's death. She can no longer hurt me, only the outside sources can if I let them.
That's my take on how I deal with mine, over and over.
Rationalize/Revisit means to understand how it happened, why it happened, and how to move on from it. So I was sexually abused at 5, well that sucks in general, but it happened because my mom was financially insecure and saw me as property to be sold or abused. It happened long ago, she's no longer in my life because she's dead and she never apologized for it.
Refocus means to look at it from another perspective using either peer research, therapy, or internal thoughts. Mom never apologized or allowed me closure. Research says it wasn't my fault, I didn't consent, but then I never told anyone about it and that's because of fear. Fear of no one believing, fear that I would be abused more, fear that it would cause more harm to my family. But it wasn't my fault.
Reframing is taking the rationalization and refocusing to form a new objective. So because all that has happened, and yet I feel sad about it, it isn't my fault, and never will be. Keep on healing, letting time dictate the process of healing. Reframing my mind to believe that yes it happened, it wasn't my fault, and that I would never get the closure I needed, but closure came in the form of my mom's death. She can no longer hurt me, only the outside sources can if I let them.
That's my take on how I deal with mine, over and over.
Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,163
That is what is sad. So many people who abused me are probably off and happy. My sexual assaulter at college got no punishment. As for my mom she had kidney cancer. Granted she did genuinely suffer so in a way it was satisfying.maybe dying from cancer was her punishment? ive never had cancer but from what ive read, her last (however long she had cancer for) probably havent been pleasant. although i understand the feeling, everyone thats f'ed me over and given me cptsd and ptsd are living theyre perfect little happy lives like i never existed and they never did shit, so yeah....i get wanting to get rid of the thoughts and i get being pissed of that you have to suffer while the other gets off scott free.
This is really beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to know you were abused and your mom never gave you closure (beyond death). I feel similarly. Though my mom died, my father was an enabler. He isn't able to see how his refusal to stand up to my mom and leave her only prolonged my abuse
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looks like for me, i had to have trauma in my childhood. So in order tu survive my brain kidnapped my child's mind somewhere safe, and created other people in my brain, who had to deal with it. At least that is the main theory that lies behind did/osdd. And all of this is created by the brain with one mainstrime line - to be hidden, even from my/our minds, and from all the others in real life.
So, ya i lose memories, i don't know my childhood that well, i don't think i have a trauma or traumatic event that hard, but here i am, sharing a body with different people/minds.
And this memories part is not only about trauma, it's about people, conversations, places, basically anything, but untill someone tells me that i have no idea to even ask the question where did the last 6 hours /weeks/ go. We all have to reset from time to time.
Now it's my turn and i had no idea what kind of money and where were they spent. So tomorrow i'm going to be very pissed of if it's still me.
So, ya i lose memories, i don't know my childhood that well, i don't think i have a trauma or traumatic event that hard, but here i am, sharing a body with different people/minds.
And this memories part is not only about trauma, it's about people, conversations, places, basically anything, but untill someone tells me that i have no idea to even ask the question where did the last 6 hours /weeks/ go. We all have to reset from time to time.
Now it's my turn and i had no idea what kind of money and where were they spent. So tomorrow i'm going to be very pissed of if it's still me.
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