Discussion How to accept the life I've been given

[BornToFail]

Hi,
This isn't meant to be a sad post or one looking for help on how to recover. I don't look forward to many things, and simply put have nothing to live for.
I've consistently wanted two things in life always, a wife and kids.

I am 21 now, am homeless, no high school diploma, broke, never worked a day in my life, have autism, ocd, and my mother has guardianship over me. I have nothing to offer anyone, least of all a partner.

I am cognizant of the fact that I can change these things in the future with some degree of hard work, but I have no real desire to. I will not put in the work, I know this. Now that I'm 21 time is so precious to me, I don't want to waste it on things I know I'll never have, or will have when I'm old.
Like, I don't want to be 25 and still working minimum wage. Even if I do have a wife and kids at that point, I would still bemoan my lost years.

So my question is, how do I get this out of my head, the thought of a wife and kids. It is just more pain for me that I don't need.

 

[whatevs]

Way too young to just give up if you aren't killing yourself. Having kids is immoral to me but either way, it's achievable if you have this mindset so early. It took me being in my 30s to realize what a realistic and satisfying life goal would be for me (living without shame and fear, as a beggar or as a king). If you really know what you want young, that's one thing less to worry, you can focus on slowly achieving at least part of what you aspire to.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

So my question is, how do I get this out of my head, the thought of a wife and kids. It is just more pain for me that I don't need.

I'm sorry that you are trapped in such a difficult and awful situation. "wife & kids" is a natural instict like SI because each species on earth is trimmed to reproduce them self to sustain there species for the future. You're still very young and founding a family can be achieved later without any problems if that is still your wish. You should focus on other goals right now.I know it's easier said than done, I know!!

I don't want to be 25 and still working minimum wage.

Try to find a way so this is not happening! I know easier said than done, I know! But still you are young and have all options!

Just in the case you cannot achieve your goals and the life quality you wish for, it's always a legal option to CTB from my point of view buit in any case it should be only the very last option one should take but you must be sure that your really did everything to achieve that.

I wish you all the best!

 

[BornToFail]

I'm sorry that you are trapped in such a difficult and awful situation. "wife & kids" is a natural instict like SI because each species on earth is trimmed to reproduce them self to sustain there species for the future. You're still very young and founding a family can be achieved later without any problems if that is still your wish. You should focus on other goals right now.I know it's easier said than done, I know!!

Try to find a way so this is not happening! I know easier said than done, I know! But still you are young and have all options!

Just in the case you cannot achieve your goals and the life quality you wish for, it's always a legal option to CTB from my point of view buit in any case it should be only the very last option one should take but you must be sure that your really did everything to achieve that.

I wish you all the best!

Thank you very much for the reply. Finishing a game project I'm working is another thing that is always on my mind. It isn't huge, it is small but still daunting for me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Thank you very much for the reply. Finishing a game project I'm working is another thing that is always on my mind. It isn't huge, it is small but still daunting for me.

Tt's small but it could be an anchor point in your age!! Just my opinion! Everything is up2you and your own decisions in the end. I can only hope you can find some inspiration on SaSu!

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Find a way to get an education. I'm autistic too, so I know how hard it makes life. But if you aren't dead set on CTB, then you're right you don't want to waste more time and look back and regret not being more proactive.

 

[clavicals]

Aw I'm so sorry, as a fellow autistic I totally understand the struggles your facing. It's a really difficult road and I just want to take a second to stop and acknowledge that bc what you're going is real and totally valid.

For advice, I'd lean into your special interests. What are they? Usually there's a way we can actually profit of them. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and what you "should" be doing. Do what you want to do, do what drives you. What are those things that you can't shut tf up about - follow that, and keep following that and share it with those that also love those things too, that's where you'll find your community. Good luck.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In terms of accepting being single, I think realism helps. So many relationships fail. If I'm honest- even the good ones out there don't seem very appealing to me. I think- when I start feeling melancholy and lonely and start wishing I'd found someone- I try to remind myself that I'm fixating on a fairytale. There aren't many relationships that end up like that- from what I've seen anyhow. I guess it helped me to realise that at least part of my situation is down to choice. Not sure if that will really help you though- sorry if it doesn't.

Other than that though- I'd say the same thing as others- focus on you and the other things you're interested in. Try your best to appreciate that being single brings with it freedom to do what you want. I'm sorry though- it hurts to feel like we'll never attain our dreams.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that relationships just lead to more suffering, you cannot trust and rely on other people anyway. And forcing life into this world could never be justified, it's just something so cruel creating unnecessary suffering by burdening someone with this existence in this hellish reality filled with harm and potential for torment. Deciding not to procreate is the most compassionate thing, it could never be beneficial forcing life here, it's only selfish.
But to me, I could never see existence as being acceptable, it's truly futile, dreadful and hopeless.

 

[BornToFail]

Find a way to get an education. I'm autistic too, so I know how hard it makes life. But if you aren't dead set on CTB, then you're right you don't want to waste more time and look back and regret not being more proactive.

I can't now, I turned 21 back in May. I don't want to get my GED at 21. It isn't like I didn't want to finish school, I would have loved to learn, I couldn't. My family took that from me.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I can't now, I turned 21 back in May. I don't want to get my GED at 21. It isn't like I didn't want to finish school, I would have loved to learn, I couldn't. My family took that from me.

Is it really as out of reach as it seems? I know it's easy to feel too old for something but you're not going to get any younger and you're hardly washed up at 21. But that's all assuming you still have hope for your life. You've been dealt a tough hand and it's understandable to think it's going to continue to be shit and to want out because of that.