Discussion How old are you and how long have you been depressed or suicidal?

[tipoftheRGB]

I'm 28 and have been depressed/suicidal for 9 months.

I'm sorry for all of you who have been depressed and suicidal since a young age or for a long time and hope you find something worth living for one day.

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

22, been wanting to die since my teen years

 

[Alexandra_]

I'm 30.5 and I've been suffering all my adult life

 

[orpheus_]

20. suicidal for 4 years. depressed probably since I was 9 or so but it got way fucking worse those 4 years ago

 

[dewdrop]

I'm 18 now. I was extremely anxious since I was a little baby, especially socially. My heart would race like crazy. Mute until I was 6 or 7. The feelings of self hatred and hopelessness started at 5, but I didn't really think about suicide until 9 when I hit puberty and started self harming. It's been downhill since then.

 

[gutsofanangel444]

I thought that it all really started when I was 11, but I recently found some CAMHS documents from when I was in year 3 (age 8) where I was referred to CAMHS for anxiety, low self esteem, and because I'd told one of my parents that I heard a voice telling me to die, and I wanted to kill myself. There was probably no sincerity in this- I was only a child and would've had no real grasp on the concept of suicide- but it was both interesting and disheartening to read about.

 

[enough of this]

I'm soon 30, and I remember crying and praying to God to kill me when I was around 13/14 yo. My parents just got divorced, my father was beating my mother, I was an outsider at school. I remember standing on the balcony, thinking about jumping.

I'll be 76 in a few weeks, if I make it. I've got surgery coming up on June 2nd, and you never know what might happen.

I started getting depressed at a very early age, like, when I was just a little kid. That's what happens when you have crazy parents. It got super bad when I got to be about 14. Then, when I went away to college, it got a lot worse.

I don't know how I've managed to make it this far. I think about CTB every day. I take benzos for my anxiety, but I still dwell on suicide. It's gotten worse in the last few years, with the world going the way it is, and all.

 

[whywere]

I'll be 76 in a few weeks, if I make it. I've got surgery coming up on June 2nd, and you never know what might happen.

I started getting depressed at a very early age, like, when I was just a little kid. That's what happens when you have crazy parents. It got super bad when I got to be about 14. Then, when I went away to college, it got a lot worse.

I don't know how I've managed to make it this far. I think about CTB every day. I take benzos for my anxiety, but I still dwell on suicide. It's gotten worse in the last few years, with the world going the way it is, and all.

I will have you in my thoughts and prayers when you have surgery, as you are a wonderful friend and we are ALL in this together.

Hugs, love and the knowledge that you are a good friend, and I will have you in my nightly prayers when I retire for the evening.

Walter

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I'm 28 and have been depressed/suicidal for 9 months.

I'm sorry for all of you who have been depressed and suicidal since a young age or for a long time and hope you find something worth living for one day.

I can only speak for myself, but for me, it's not about having nothing to live for. I have tons to live for. It's about fatigue. It's about wanting to find my place and magical thinking. It's about the sense that as amazing as a life can be, like any good book, it must end and wanting some control over the ending.

 

[Amile]

23, i have been suicidal since 13.

 

[enough of this]

I will have you in my thoughts and prayers when you have surgery, as you are a wonderful friend and we are ALL in this together.

Hugs, love and the knowledge that you are a good friend, and I will have you in my nightly prayers when I retire for the evening.

Walter

Thank you so much, Walter. It helps me knowing the thoughts and prayers of the good friend you are, are with me.

Hadyn

 

[Nobodi]

29 years old been depressed since 13 I remember feeling the first intense feeling of sadness. It felt like my heart be gripped tightly

 

[wham311]

8 months. I'm 38. It will never, ever get better.

 

[tipoftheRGB]

I can only speak for myself, but for me, it's not about having nothing to live for. I have tons to live for. It's about fatigue. It's about wanting to find my place and magical thinking. It's about the sense that as amazing as a life can be, like any good book, it must end and wanting some control over the ending.

The first 3 of those can hopefully be fixed. As for wanting control over the ending, I get you. Everyone should be allowed to choose a painless death if thats what they want for themselves.

 

[bluesky123]

35. First attempt was when I was 13. I think all told there's been about a year of my life (cumulatively) since then when I didn't want to die.

 

[isthisit?]

I've always been depressed but Id say 13-14 is when I gave up on life. Now Im 19 and everything is actually looking up. Faith saves

 

[EquinoxAlchemist]

I'm not going say my exact age but i am above 20. The first time I've actively wanted to die was when I was in third grade and I kept wanting to jump in front of a car. Never did, always beat myself up for it.

 

[anonymous568]

21 and more than half of my life since I started understanding the world and started seeking help past few years . I have a chronic health condition too which makes it worse even if I convince myself I'm happy i just look at myself and don't think it's fair I should have to suffer and act like I'm okay . People say I'll grow up and life's got so much experiences but life's what you make it and I don't chose to want to experience a world where I have health issues and just over life and I know I'll think like this forever . I see it as a mature perspective tbh that I can see the pros and cons of life and I've evaluated for my own life what I think is best for me specifically . Some of my friends have found happiness in this life but I just can't comprehend it I feel like I want something more or different not this world and I think a lot about how we even came here and stuff and why I should just accept all the social norms I guess maybe mental health plays at part in my thinking

 

[karakoltriste]

im 30 depressed and suicidal since... 10-12?.

 

[before20]

19 (almost 20) rn. First attempt at 11. Been suicidal on-and-off since then.

 

[semio]

26, first remember wishing to die at 4, first actual plans at 9.

 

[Ysnmldao]

I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.

I'm 20, turned 20 like 2 months ago.
Been this way one day suddenly 5 years ago, a switch was pulled off, I couldn't feel any emotions anymore.
The usual: I panicked, ended up thinking I was depressed aaaaand actually caught depression. Now I'm clinically depressed, not knowing why. Tho I really, really want to ctb, thanks to this site, I know I don't have access to a method I can use so I can only continue on this existence, I guess

 

[thebiggestduck17]

18 and I felt this way since I was 14

 

[ForsakenEcho]

I'm 28 now, and I've been thinking about catching the bus for about nine years. I'm not sure if I'll ever actually go through with it, but for now, I'm just taking things one day at a time.

 

[lemonandcapers]

I have been depressed since 11 years old. My first suicidal thoughts started when I was 12, but they came off and on for years. The second worst time was when I was 16 and went through quarantine. The worst part was not the first part, but the second part when everyone decided to go back to school like normal, and I was left behind due to having an immunocompromised family member. I was virtual and was often forgotten. I am probably at my worst now in terms of suicidal thoughts

 

[Schnipsel]

I'm 25, and I've been suffering from depression since as long as I can remember, which is about 11 years old. Before that, I don't really remember much of anything.

At 11 I was already actively self harming, so my depression was probably going on for a while at that point. It's also a bit hard to differentiate depression and gender dysphoria in that time.

 

[Seaghost]

I'm 42.
First "bad thoughts" in primary school. Even in kindergarden there was something this way but I can't remember.
First suicidal thinking when I was 14. Almost tried it out with grandmas sleeping pills when I was 16.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

32. I'd say my first true bout of depression was when I was 12, when my father figure —my grandfather— died and I was having issues with bullying in school, but then again I've been rejected and bullied since I can remember so there may have been symptoms before. I was actually diagnosed when I was 21, had a period of serious suicidal ideation when my first ex left me for another man after five years, and then I "recovered." I still had depressive episodes, but they didn't last for more than a couple of days or drove me to the point of considering suicide. Last year I got my heart broken again and that just triggered everything back. I want to die. I'm forced to live. She's happy, grass was greener. I just spent close to $4k on a laptop to treat myself and distract myself from the sadness, but here I am again.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

36.

Since I was about 13. I've made dozens of suicide attempts over the last 20+ years.

 

[LetMeOut67]

I'm 57 and I've been permanently depressed more or less since the last term of school 83-84