Discussion How old are you and how long have you been depressed or suicidal?

[AllCatsAreGrey]

I'm 44. I have been depressed since around 11. I have attempted to CTB 4 times in my life and have had a couple times that I was close, but flinched. The first attempt was at 16. My last serious attempt was around 32. Ideation is very common for me. I'm currently in a period of recovery.

 

[AntiqueCell]

I will be 26 in few months, been depressed since I was 19. I need to note though that my depression wasn't at a fixed level but rather progressive...basically it got worse over the years.

 

[wanttodie]

been depressed and suicidal for 20 years hope to end it soon

 

[mekurin]

19 never got diagnosed because they refused to take me in for an assessment but I think it started going downhill when I was somewhere around 15

 

[toro]

19 :D it's been on my mind since i was nine to be honest, when i found out what suicide and self harm even are and i was like oh. happy ten years to me! turning twenty in april next year, when i was 16 i promised i would kill myself before i hit that number, so we'll see if i can follow through or not.

 

[misukiimikki]

Hiii! I'm misukii!!! I'm 18 years old. I have never been diagnosed with depression. Although, the pain that I feel I would assume would be depression. I've had this consistent pain for around.. 5 years? I started cutting 2 years ago and only a month ago I was considering ctb.

 

[carnivalforone]

im alex im turning 19 in november and ive been depressed for about 10 years. It started light enough that it wasnt really affecting my life but at some point in my late teens my parents finally took my word for it and seeked help. turns out i was right and all of what id been feeling since a child was in fact depression. i started getting into tattoos and knives started self harming cutting burning not trying in school convinced i wouldnt have a future and now im living with the consequences. bad tattoos burn marks cuts a bad gap year and im just hopeless. i lost all my close friends and ,my last pillar/ my girlfriend left me telling me id never feel loved. Id been depressed for a long time but just recently because of my sudden loneliness ive finally thought of seriously ctb.

 

[ChiseHatori]

I am 25, and I've been suicidal on and off since I was 12 or 13. I normally say 13 but I think there were signs that started at 12.

 

[dazed_dreamer]

I'm 21, I've had depressive symptoms since I was 11, probably became severe by the time I was 14. I've also been bulimic since I was 12, which really made things worse. I was diagnosed with severe atypical depression at 19, when I finally sought professional help. I've had 3 near misses with suicide in my life, at 14, 19, and 20.

 

[BojackHorseman]

Started wishing I was "in heaven" at 3 yrs old. My father constantly reminded me "You should have never been born. We didn't want you. You ruined my life. It's your fault we're poor. You cost too much to take care of. It's your fault I can't have nice things. It's your fault your mother won't have sex with me". Then when I'd be with my grandma she would sing gospel music about how wonderful and happy every one in heaven is. My child self thought that if I could go on to heaven then I would be happy and mommy and daddy would be happier without me. Once i started elementary school I tried to talk to the school counselor. But that dumb bitch told my mother, so of course I got in trouble and forbidden to see her. I acted out alot in odd ways.

It's hard for me to pinpoint exactly when my depression and active suicidal thoughts started. I know they were full blast by high school. Because of how I was treated, it just kind of felt like a "natural" part of growing up, for lack of a better word.

I'm 31 now.

 

[Louise Payne]

I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.

Hi. I am 51 years old. I have been depressed at least since age 5. I first seriously tried to CTB at age 7 but I was too young to make it a success. I have been coping ever since but it is harder and harder. I am considering therapy.... but the economy is not good right now. So... I will wait... thank you for hearing me out.

Started wishing I was "in heaven" at 3 yrs old. My father constantly reminded me "You should have never been born. We didn't want you. You ruined my life. It's your fault we're poor. You cost too much to take care of. It's your fault I can't have nice things. It's your fault your mother won't have sex with me". Then when I'd be with my grandma she would sing gospel music about how wonderful and happy every one in heaven is. My child self thought that if I could go on to heaven then I would be happy and mommy and daddy would be happier without me. Once i started elementary school I tried to talk to the school counselor. But that dumb bitch told my mother, so of course I got in trouble and forbidden to see her. I acted out alot in odd ways.

It's hard for me to pinpoint exactly when my depression and active suicidal thoughts started. I know they were full blast by high school. Because of how I was treated, it just kind of felt like a "natural" part of growing up, for lack of a better word.

I'm 31 now.

I have a similar experience. My mother told me how much she regretted giving birth to me. In my culture, sons are prized and daughters are not. So, I was a disappointment to my parents from the day I was born. At least my sisters excelled at school. Even academically, I am a failure to their eyes.
I feel like a failure at everything.
It can get really tiring.

Thank you for sharing your experience.
I appreciate it.

 

[3xplo]

35 now, depressed since 26, suicidal a few times from that age, most suicidal right now

 

[enough of this]

I'm 74, and I don't remember a time when I wasn't depressed.
I've been suicidal from my teen years.

 

[thirdrailer]

Hmmm. I'm 39. It's been 29 years since the first recollection I have of suicidality or depression.

 

[GlutenFreeCat]

27, always been being this way. I'm from TX

 

[Dangerdonkey333]

30 years of age. Have been depressed for as long as I can recall. I can remember sparse times of feeling glad, even proud. But have never been truly been happy or fulfilled.

 

[Regen]

I am suicidal since I am 14. I dont know how long I am depressive, some years before.

So the problem ist I dont know a life without depression and I dont know how it feels to feel not depressive. It must be a wonderful feeling.

I get angry if I see or hear people in real life or in social media who had a good life, then became depressive, fight against it and then feel good again. This is not the kind of depression I fight with and because of this ideas of this kind of people dont help everytime.

I dont mean such kind of depression is not very bad and dangerous for life but it is necessary to understand the difference of problems. Then I can get the feeling of of being seen.

I wish you find the way out and the feeling of inner peace and love.

 

[metri]

18 and i've only recently seriously started considering it. i used to always have it in the back of my head but i never seriously thought i would do it or even plan it, but now i am

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

23, been depressed since 13 if I remember correctly, though it wouldn't surprise me if I was depressed for longer than I remember.

 

[just dave]

33, I've been depressed since I was 11. Bad family life, poor personal decisions and friends who managed to CTB before me. The only things keeping me here is my wife and my cat.
Attempted twice. Once by cutting, once by drinking extremely heavily and overdosing on insulin. I'm a type 1 diabetic and have lots on hand. However the cuts clotted really fast, I remember seeing muscles, fat and lots of blood and then suddenly no blood at all and a lot of pain in my arms… got sewed up at the hospital and that was that. The insulin I was so close. I woke up surrounded by firefighters police and paramedics all holding me down and injecting me with dextrose. I will not be trying either method again because both were absolutely hellish after the point of failure.

To cope, I make terrible suicide jokes. Like tying a lan cable into a noose and pretending to go or saying things like "well aren't they lucky" when I read of successful attempts online…

 

[sadwriter]

In my mid 20s now. I once found a note that I wrote when I was six saying that I didn't like being alive, so I think it's fair to say that I've been depressed since at least then. The first time that I seriously considered killing myself (researching methods etc) was when I was 15 or 16.

 

[J&L383]

Hello all! I'm 56 (my 57th birthday is in September). I think I've been depressed fairly consistently since I was about ten years old, and intermittently suicidal since I was sixteen. Current psych diagnoses: dysthymia/persistent depressive disorder with major depression. My atypical major depression includes occasional transient psychotic episodes. I also have PTSD. About twenty years ago, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but my current psychiatrist tells me I no longer meet the criteria.

Kind of me too. Except no current psychiatrist. And 10 years longer on earth. Both conceivers of me now dead. You are a good person taking care of your mother.

 

[Sadgirl121]

I am 22 years old and I have been depressed for 16 years. I have been treated very poorly by the doctor and I too, my parents do not seem to consider it a real illness.
Thank you very much for your answer
Do you have a treatment now?

I am 23, I don't know when exactly my depression started but it was between the ages of 14-16, I used to always joke about being depressed, I guess subconsciously I always knew but never wanted to admit it. I posted a story about why I am depressed and what I went through. Somedays I wished I could have the courage to CTB,

 

[newintown]

I'm in my twenties, I've been depressed and suicidal since I was 14 and it has only gotten worse in recent years

 

[RollingGiant]

20. I've def been suicidal for a couple years now. It's harder to say past that, my memory's spotty. I've been miserable since I was little, but I can't say for sure if I thought about killing myself.

 

[0000000000000]

Early 20's. I think i've been like this for 7 years (maybe more, i don't remember exact times at the moment) and i've been determined to die ever since, i tried several times but failed due to ignorance. The whole time i've been on this planet, there has been nothing that makes me feel that this life is worth continuing.

 

[torturedmind]

I'm 26 and I was diagnosed with depression when my parents took me to a psychiatrist when I was only 6-7 years old.. I still find this very confusing because I was not abused as a child and did not experience any profound trauma. My parents tell me I wasn't a very happy child and I would ask questions about death. I was put on antidepressant medication when I was diagnosed and have tried many different medications over the years. I don't have much hope of ever being "cured" of my mental illness but I do hope to survive it, despite frequent suicidal ideation and severe depressive episodes.

 

[sick.faery]

i'm 23, and been dealing with mental shit since i was 15. but only more hardcorely since i was 18

 

[dodo11]

I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.

Hi. I'm 39, from Brisbane, Australia. I've been feeling like this since I was a teenager. My mental health is getting worse.

 

[kiwipanda]

Hi all,

First time posting here.
I'm 30 years old and been with major depression since 2017. I tried to end with my life 3 times in 2020. Managed to get myself better with the help of friends and family but last year was a nightmare and tried to end with my life 2 weeks ago.