• If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
  • Hey Guest,

    If you would still like to donate, you still can. We have more than enough funds to cover operating expenses for quite a while, so don't worry about donating if you aren't able. If you want to donate something other than what is listed, you can contact RainAndSadness.

    Bitcoin Address (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt

    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9

    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8

thereisnomeaning

thereisnomeaning

To live here is my nightmare
Mar 15, 2023
54
I'm currently 23, and felt different since forever, but depressed and suicidal from age 8-10
 
Mx_Pathetic

Mx_Pathetic

Delete
May 8, 2023
101
Hi I'm 20 and live in Australia. I was 7-8 when I first ever cut myself. I got survily bullied as a child verbally and physically. I was properly diagnosed with depression when I was about 12-13 I've been taking pills for my depression for so long. I've tried so many different ones. Currently the ones I'm on now I've been taking for 8 months maybe more and I feel like everytime I start new pills they generally help but I swear I just get used to them after awhile. So the pills I'm taking ATM aren't helping a whole lot.
 
pasidonia

pasidonia

New Member
Jul 4, 2023
2
I'm currently 20 turning 21 this year. Living in Auckland, New Zealand.

I don't remember when I was depressed. Honestly felt like it sorta has been that way since I was concieved. But I do remember the first time I wanted to die which was 5. I vividly remember that while my mother physically punished and abused me, that I would die and fall onto the floor right then and there, as my ghost self would look down at my mother, as my mother looks down at my dead corpse.
 
S

suicidalloser

Specialist
Jun 30, 2023
365
doesn't matter how old i am, i'm suffering, in pain and want to die.
 
piipoo

piipoo

New Member
Jun 29, 2023
2
Im 18, when i was 11-12 i started having suicidal thought and at 15 actually concidering it. I have never been diagnosed, never had the courage to talk to anybody. I've had a few therapists in the past but i always lied. Currently doing the same thing since i would lose my job if i didn't. I have other problems too, took me years to accept the fact that i might actually be depressed.
 
jsmitty357

jsmitty357

Member
Jul 20, 2022
9
Wow do I feel elderly after seeing the young age range for this topic. Let's just say, I'm over 50, I've been in the abyss for literally half a century.

My black hole was spinning at 5 years old. One of the reasons I'm still unfortunately here is, that I've used the possibility of suicide as a tool to trek on.

I always knew how, and kept ways to ctb, but safely tucked in my room, I could've ctb decades ago.

Even thinking about ctb soothes me in my worst times. I've been hanging in for my family, and my loyal dog, while I keep my eye out for something that may change my outlook. Peace and light to all.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: olearius
S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
270
34 and had these thoughts for a long time. I somehow successfully pushed them to the back of my mind until I was 16.
My grades were abysmal and this was a for problem for my parents so they drove me to therapists. This went on until my first attempt at hanging at 19, for which they committed me to a mental asylum. Things just went worse after that.
I had to pretend more so things would at least appear normal, so I developed anxiety. Then lots of "New Days" and "Fresh Starts". And here we are.

I don't think I can be helped, its too late.
 
C

courtlydiver

New Member
Jun 30, 2023
1
42 years old. My depression started when I was 10 but only has been *really* bad for 22 years or so. Hilarious!
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: LivedTooLong, suicidalloser and Cherry Crumpet
S

suicidalloser

Specialist
Jun 30, 2023
365
  • Like
Reactions: LivedTooLong, whorl, ctb★prince and 1 other person
nozomu

nozomu

Global Mod // will i wiN my recovery arc
Nov 28, 2022
1,065
28, depressed as long as I know, suicidal since 6.
 
nozomu

nozomu

Global Mod // will i wiN my recovery arc
Nov 28, 2022
1,065
  • Like
  • Informative
Reactions: LivedTooLong, MorningStarlight, Cherry Crumpet and 1 other person
Walilamdzii

Walilamdzii

-
Sep 19, 2021
585
I think I first had the urge to throw myself in front of a train at around 11 years old.. I started cutting myself around 12 and then stopped and then I'm sure I was self-harming around 15-16. I'm now 26. So maybe 15 years on and off?
 
  • Love
Reactions: suicidalloser
Ghostofthepast

Ghostofthepast

Student
Dec 31, 2022
173
Been depressed and suicidal since I was 7 I'm 27 now
 
ctb★prince

ctb★prince

villain otd
Jul 7, 2023
110
19 this month, been there since i was around 10, it makes me so sad every time i think about it
 
D

Danique

Member
Jul 8, 2023
15
I'm 38 years and my earliest memories where from when I was about 8/9 years old. I was suicidal/depressed even then. Always remained so
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: LivedTooLong
Cherry Crumpet

Cherry Crumpet

Hiraeth
May 7, 2018
265
Late 30's. Since my late teens.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: LivedTooLong
LifeisDark

LifeisDark

Member
Jul 5, 2023
20
I am now 20, soon to be 21 in a few months, and I would say probably since I was around 12 - 13, so about 8 years now.
 
AriasRed

AriasRed

Member
Jul 6, 2023
34
I'm currently 24. Have been suicidal since I was 13 and I don't remember a time where I wasn't depressed.
 
A

aGoodDayToDie

Arcanist
Jun 30, 2023
461
Jesus christ. Most of you are so bloody young. I seem to be the oldest here. I'm 43. From London. First wanted to die when I was 6. First attempted when I was 19. First went on antidepressants at 16. Been in antidepressants since I was 19. Been on over a dozen. Fucking nothing has helped. Wish I could stop existing. But I'm too much of a pussy to kms.
 
O

olearius

wannabe polymath
Jun 25, 2023
68
I'm 30 and I've been suicidal since I was 4 and depressed as long.
 
Alltheywanted

Alltheywanted

I'll just lay here and die
Mar 6, 2023
331
I'm 18 years old now.
I was depressive since I was 12 and suicidal since i was 16.
 
C

consider

My English is not good, sorry. Still learning.
Jul 23, 2023
20
I'm 27 and don't want to exist from the very beginning. I panicked when I was 5 because I realized that my life is real, not just a dream. I thought I've been suicidal since then. It is a pure nightmare growing up with a violent parent.
 
QueerMelancholy

QueerMelancholy

Arcanist
Jul 29, 2023
492
I'll be 34 this year and it feels so strange to think about it. About getting older. I honestly never thought I'd live this long.

I've been battling with bipolar disorder, chronic depression, and other comorbidities such as addiction, eating disorders, and I'm pre-diabetic.

I inherited all of this from my mother. She was an angel and a demon, but I do miss her.

It's been almost 20 years now I've been waging war against the monsters underneath my skin. My first attempt was when I was 8 years old. My last attempt was a few years ago. In between I've probably tried 8 times mostly with medication. All failures.

I'm still searching for my wild card.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: LivedTooLong
mafuyu

mafuyu

electric angel
Feb 9, 2023
132
wont say my age but i've been diagnosed with depression since over a decade ago.
 
SadPingu

SadPingu

I'll go out like a spark, my trauma and me.
Jul 27, 2023
60
36. Diagnosed with Cyclothymia at 25 had issues with SH back then but no SI. Did pretty well for 5 years then had a minor relapse in 2017 but recovered well enough. 2 really good years after that (I remember 2019 being a great year) Then the pandemic came. MH got steadily worse and didn't get better after things let up. 2021 diagnosed with bipolar type 2 after more SH and SI. Got meds, got better, made major life changes all for the better. April this year MAJOR relapse. Trying to not be self destructive, getting through each on autopilot, increased meds not working though, SI every day almost.
 
O

onewayticket123

Member
Jul 28, 2023
7
Recently turned 21. Have been suicidal since 12 - 13 when I started wrapping a belt around my neck and hanging myself from a pipe in the basement to see how it felt.
 
O

ordaysun

Member
Jul 25, 2023
25
Been depressed since I was a child. It's been a long road.
 

Similar threads

pilotviolin
Replies
19
Views
355
Offtopic
BrokeN__lil’__girl
BrokeN__lil’__girl
I
Replies
7
Views
333
Recovery
needthebus
needthebus
I
Replies
8
Views
280
Suicide Discussion
sometimesoon
S
Dusk till dawn
Replies
0
Views
67
Recovery
Dusk till dawn
Dusk till dawn
dragonofenvy
Replies
4
Views
187
Recovery
pollux
pollux