Discussion How old are you and how long have you been depressed or suicidal?

[pasidonia]

I'm currently 20 turning 21 this year. Living in Auckland, New Zealand.

I don't remember when I was depressed. Honestly felt like it sorta has been that way since I was concieved. But I do remember the first time I wanted to die which was 5. I vividly remember that while my mother physically punished and abused me, that I would die and fall onto the floor right then and there, as my ghost self would look down at my mother, as my mother looks down at my dead corpse.

 

[suicidalloser]

doesn't matter how old i am, i'm suffering, in pain and want to die.

 

[piipoo]

Im 18, when i was 11-12 i started having suicidal thought and at 15 actually concidering it. I have never been diagnosed, never had the courage to talk to anybody. I've had a few therapists in the past but i always lied. Currently doing the same thing since i would lose my job if i didn't. I have other problems too, took me years to accept the fact that i might actually be depressed.

 

[iamalreadydead]

I'm 20 and since I was 7-8

 

[jsmitty357]

Wow do I feel elderly after seeing the young age range for this topic. Let's just say, I'm over 50, I've been in the abyss for literally half a century.

My black hole was spinning at 5 years old. One of the reasons I'm still unfortunately here is, that I've used the possibility of suicide as a tool to trek on.

I always knew how, and kept ways to ctb, but safely tucked in my room, I could've ctb decades ago.

Even thinking about ctb soothes me in my worst times. I've been hanging in for my family, and my loyal dog, while I keep my eye out for something that may change my outlook. Peace and light to all.

 

[894uhjdjfn38hcnwm23]

34 and had these thoughts for a long time. I somehow successfully pushed them to the back of my mind until I was 16.
My grades were abysmal and this was a for problem for my parents so they drove me to therapists. This went on until my first attempt at hanging at 19, for which they committed me to a mental asylum. Things just went worse after that.
I had to pretend more so things would at least appear normal, so I developed anxiety. Then lots of "New Days" and "Fresh Starts". And here we are.

I don't think I can be helped, its too late.

 

[courtlydiver]

42 years old. My depression started when I was 10 but only has been *really* bad for 22 years or so. Hilarious!

 

[suicidalloser]

No one stopping you but yourself.

why are you doing this, please stop.
you don't know who's in my life and who's causing what

 

[Walilamdzii]

I think I first had the urge to throw myself in front of a train at around 11 years old.. I started cutting myself around 12 and then stopped and then I'm sure I was self-harming around 15-16. I'm now 26. So maybe 15 years on and off?

 

[gab702]

i hate having to work a job I don't care about.

 

[Ghostofthepast]

Been depressed and suicidal since I was 7 I'm 27 now

 

[ctb★prince]

19 this month, been there since i was around 10, it makes me so sad every time i think about it

 

[Danique]

I'm 38 years and my earliest memories where from when I was about 8/9 years old. I was suicidal/depressed even then. Always remained so

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

Late 30's. Since my late teens.

 

[LifeisDark]

I am now 20, soon to be 21 in a few months, and I would say probably since I was around 12 - 13, so about 8 years now.

 

[AriasRed]

I'm currently 24. Have been suicidal since I was 13 and I don't remember a time where I wasn't depressed.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

Jesus christ. Most of you are so bloody young. I seem to be the oldest here. I'm 43. From London. First wanted to die when I was 6. First attempted when I was 19. First went on antidepressants at 16. Been in antidepressants since I was 19. Been on over a dozen. Fucking nothing has helped. Wish I could stop existing. But I'm too much of a pussy to kms.

 

[olearius]

I'm 30 and I've been suicidal since I was 4 and depressed as long.

 

[Alltheywanted]

I'm 18 years old now.
I was depressive since I was 12 and suicidal since i was 16.

 

[KxSleepy]

23
Been depressed since 2013

 

[consider]

I'm 27 and don't want to exist from the very beginning. I panicked when I was 5 because I realized that my life is real, not just a dream. I thought I've been suicidal since then. It is a pure nightmare growing up with a violent parent.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

I'll be 34 this year and it feels so strange to think about it. About getting older. I honestly never thought I'd live this long.

I've been battling with bipolar disorder, chronic depression, and other comorbidities such as addiction, eating disorders, and I'm pre-diabetic.

I inherited all of this from my mother. She was an angel and a demon, but I do miss her.

It's been almost 20 years now I've been waging war against the monsters underneath my skin. My first attempt was when I was 8 years old. My last attempt was a few years ago. In between I've probably tried 8 times mostly with medication. All failures.

I'm still searching for my wild card.

 

[mafuyu]

wont say my age but i've been diagnosed with depression since over a decade ago.

 

[SadPingu]

36. Diagnosed with Cyclothymia at 25 had issues with SH back then but no SI. Did pretty well for 5 years then had a minor relapse in 2017 but recovered well enough. 2 really good years after that (I remember 2019 being a great year) Then the pandemic came. MH got steadily worse and didn't get better after things let up. 2021 diagnosed with bipolar type 2 after more SH and SI. Got meds, got better, made major life changes all for the better. April this year MAJOR relapse. Trying to not be self destructive, getting through each on autopilot, increased meds not working though, SI every day almost.

 

[onewayticket123]

Recently turned 21. Have been suicidal since 12 - 13 when I started wrapping a belt around my neck and hanging myself from a pipe in the basement to see how it felt.

 

[ordaysun]

Been depressed since I was a child. It's been a long road.

 

[lackadazeE]

18. I believe my depression started sometime during 5th and 6th grade so about 11-12.

 

[LivedTooLong]

39, been suicidal since at least 10 or 11 (mental health issues since I was 7). Don't think I can withstand much more.

 

[busybee]

28 years old. Depression is going strong since I was like 12ish.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

41m london. Depressed since 16 (25 years) suicidal since 19. But first thoughts of wanting to die since I was 6