Discussion How old are you and how long have you been depressed or suicidal?

[Stoldy]

Early 20s. I've felt this way since I was 5. Only got worse as time passed.

 

[Catastrofe]

38, almost 39. Have been suicidal for 2 years when I was around 28, and 3 years now.

 

[Ceterum]

42 .. probably depressed since aged 12 or so, realised it only when I first got suicidal when I was 20.

 

[Chocoholic]

I am 31, and I have thought about suicide since 13yo.

 

[sosotired]

I'm 21. I've been depressed since I was 12 years old. I think I just lost a lot of hope then and didn't see a reason for my existence, like I was just an accessory for my family to have. Then as I grew up and tried to beat depression, it never worked. I started being truly suicidal at 16. It's been a constant battle.

 

[sheepgirl]

I'm 23 and been suicidal since I was 12. Probably started becoming depressed around age 9

 

[letsalllovelain:3]

I'm 21, depressed since 10, suicidal since 12.

 

[DerBipolarBär]

I just turned 67 and it is both genetic and myself, as far as I have had both massive depression and suicide thoughts from the get-go. In fact, I found out that I have in my past chain of DNA, a great aunt who was locked up her entire life.

So, I have a lot to fight, and I still see the sunshine in folks here as we are a caring and loving group of folks.

Walter

Glad to see I am not the only old fart here.

I am 55. I did my first 'kinda' suicide attempt when I was in elementary school: I locked myself in my room and thre they key out the window into the snow. I wanted to starve to death. As a child I was plagued with insomnia and intense agitation at nights. Rather than taking me to the doctor, my parents made fun of me.
The next one was when I first went to university: I stole my dad's valium, not knowing that it is literally impossible to CTB that way - there was no info out at the time, the Internet was quasi non-existent at the time. A year later I spent three months in the psych ward due to a massive psychosis. This was followed by 16 years of no psychiatric symptoms at all. I finished one degree, then another, and embarked on a successful international career that brought me all around the world.
Then, at age 36 my moods started to swing, which soon became bipolar disorder. This was shortly after using MDMA for the first time. I started with psychiatric medications, which soon turned into coctails of medication and it was accompanied by a long, slow decline in social functioning, where I lost pretty much everyone and everything that was dear to me. I am 55 now and I have been having thoughts of suicide at least once a month over the last 19 year, during depressive phases I have many days when suicide is all I can think of. So last fall I started to acquire various means to CTB.

After changing my medications a few weeks ago, my moods notably started to lift, very much to my own surprise. It feels so good to be free of intrusive thoughts and incessant ruminations, and to be able to work and be productive again.

Looks like I shall give life another try.

 

[cactusflower]

21. I would say I've felt this way since about middle school, though probably a lot longer but I don't think about my super early years very much if at all.

 

[QiTianDaSheng]

Always been pretty dark. Very isolated and unhappy childhood.
Cutting at 13, alcoholic at 14, stoner by 15. First and only proper attempt at 14 ish... School tie hanging, it broke.

That means Ive kept trucking another 20+ years.
Manic phases on top of the world, suicide completely out of thoughts, but also ending with a crash into a deeper hole.
2010, 2012, 2014, 2017, now 2023.
I'm rolling the dice again to see if I can make a life worth living. Otherwise I'm cashing in my chips. Sick of this nonsense.

 

[rcs]

I turned 23 not too long ago. Although I still feel 20 since the last 4 years of my life have been years I would like to forget. I think I had my first suicidal thoughts at 11. There was a hook on the ceiling and I thought that hanging from it wouldn't be a bad idea at all. Prior to that, I just wanted to run away from home, even though I thought my circumstances were normal. I started having more serious suicidal thoughts as a teenager. They grew even worse as I was abused in a relationship. Then real severe after I was raped by the same guy after we broke up. I've really contemplated if life is worth it since. Depression and PTSD have taken over my life. I just want to graduate college and this semester, I stopped going to classes halfway through because I thought I would finally go. I'm still here. I would like to keep going if I can achieve what I want. But I can't handle these feelings. I think I can make it if I move out soon. That's looking unrealistic though.

 

[Leagueofgentlemen]

33, seriously suicidal since earlier this year. I had depression in my early 20s but didn't truly want to end my life.

 

[NatsukiCookie]

I think around 6 actually when I wanted to hang myself with a scarf to join my cat who had died recently. At age 9 it got worst cause some people I was hanging out with encouraged me to cut.

 

[justanotherloser]

Im 32. And have been depressed since i can remember. I distinctly remember telling my mom when i was very young to tell santa claus not to come. And of course she got mad... my parents are abusive and dissociative themselves.
Honestly with genetics and my childhood, i never had a chance.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

19, things took a turn for the worst at 15, so since about 15, I've been consistently depressed/having depressive episodes, and things recently got even worse when I was 18 from a breakup. So yeah, life hasn't been the best recently lol. Hopefully I can recover though

 

[symphony]

Young adult. Been depressed on and off for most of my life, and continuously for the past 5 years. I remember having thoughts of suicide as a kid.

 

[damnatio memoriae]

I'm 19. Been going on since 13 I think. Dunno, can't remember

 

[Dead Horse]

29. Depressed since 14.

 

[noonipie]

i'm 18. i started to consider it when i was 12 because of my situation then. and as things sort of got worse i became more and more serious. it got really bad from 13 years old and up.

 

[Nortu]

Currently 19, suicidal since 11 and depressed probably a year or two before that until present time. Ironic, being from Norway when we top the lists on happy countries :|

 

[Valky]

7-6 years. I got it from my mother T.T (not the only reason tho)

 

[terminatepain]

19 I am depressed about for 4 years and the suicidal thoughts I do have each day

 

[mediocre]

I'm 30 from N Ireland.
Things really got bad in 2005.. that was probably the most stressful year of my life. It's been a downward spiral and I've been living almost completely isolated since then.
I've never been able to work or have friends.. it's just been a miserable day to day existence:/

 

[leftdreaming]

Turning 21 soon. I don't remember how long I've been this way for or if there was ever a time I was truly happy with my life. I learned the word suicidal when I was 10 and thought "oh that's me" and the rest has been history.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm 43. I've had ideation to varying degrees from age 10.

 

[battlaxx]

am 18. been suicidal since i was 10

 

[Dizzylady80]

I'm 27, first got suicidal around 15 or 16. I'm suicidal for very different reasons now than then

 

[VisualSeppuku]

I feel for you. I'm 20 and was diagnosed at 15(I think) but I was feeling hopeless at around 9. Mum blocked contact with my father at 7 and it ate away at me, bullying in year 3 to 6 at a new school was ruthless. Killed self esteem and self worth. My stepdad who had been my father figure for as long as I can remember after my father was deported was really tough with me after they had a kid. As a kid with ADHD (which I was diagnosed with at 9) I was always getting into trouble and not understanding why, saying things that I didn't understand were offending people and not understanding what others were saying.
I plummeted when I was in year 8, find myself constantly crying in bed for seemingly no reason at 3am on a school night. Early high school was going great by I kept getting pushed down. Bullying wasn't an issue, it was purely just trouble in my own head. Home was stricter than ever. It was common for me to just melt down suddenly just from feeling so overwhelming shit all the time.
At 15 I was admitted to hospital for (almost successful) attempted. Things seemed to begin working uphill from there and I have been going alright from an outside perspective. However just like my psych warned me, I am forever living with this depression in the back of my head. Especially recently I finally admitted to myself that I actually have ADHD (bullying from school made me feel like a "retard" and I shunned association with ADHD since) I am noticing how much it affects my day to day life. Fucking up for me is like an everyday ritual. Honestly sometime I feel like I'm just getting tired of life. The past few months I've just been dead and kind of angry inside. I smoke like a chimney and I can't hold a conversation with my girlfriend without getting annoyed over little things. Such is life.

It would be good for you to find someone relatable to talk with. But our personalities are so complicated it never truly feels relatable especially online. I'd definitely have a smoke with you if that's any consolation.

 

[charlotte_]

I was aware of my mental illnesses at around 13 yo when exposed to content related to mental health. Though, I'm fairly sure I've been depressed and suicidal since I was like 8 or 9. I just didn't know it was a thing and didn't allow myself to think of it

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

25, Depressed since i was born basically.

Never had a day of happiness or fufillment, i'm simply here, breathing and existing. I can't feel or understand certain emotions and i blame it on the depression i've had since birth. Why they won't let me take the easy way out is beyond fucking me.

It's because we are all lab rats, i will say.