msocks

msocks

Member
Apr 26, 2023
46
I'm 41 and have had suicidal ideation since I was 13. I've never attempted but came close a few times many years ago. I've mostly been okay and just riding the waves of my mood episodes. But the last year has had more severe lows than I've had in more than a decade.

I honestly didn't think I'd make it to 30 when I was a young adult so uh bonus points? 🎉

It's nice to be able to openly talk about this stuff without everyone freaking out.
 
Z

Zelonis

Member
Jan 22, 2023
40
I'm currently 18. I was fist diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder back in 2013. Been depressed for over half my life. It gets tiring often. Always thought I'd die before 18, so it's rather surreal.
 
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uniqueusername0

uniqueusername0

Member
Apr 27, 2023
10
20. Can't really say when it all started, but I did try to do it when I was 15. I was in denial about my mental state, and only got help after 3 years after that.
 
H

henry22

Member
Mar 31, 2023
61
I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.
29. Depressive episodes since my teens. History of abuse.
 
anathemaa

anathemaa

emotionless marcher
Dec 14, 2021
13
I am 19, probably since I was around 13
 
squirley

squirley

: )
May 6, 2023
365
35. I'd say since I was 17...18 lots of ups and downs in life. But was always self medicating and not realizing it. With alcohol / drugs / work / money / gym / living a false life. The realization when I finally went to talk to a professional mid 20s. Was very interesting and awaking that I've been dealing with it for a very Long time. Unfortunately even with meds / sober / therapy. The same ups and downs occurred , even so called friends mocking me for going to CAMH and being on meds. Unfortunately falling back into the patterns of...despair?. For the past year I've come to terms with it and have accepted my fate.
Good luck.
 
PuppyinPain

PuppyinPain

I’m trying to hate you
May 3, 2023
27
I’m 18 and had my first attempt at 8, although I didn’t even understand what it really meant at the time. I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety and ptsd since childhood and they carry into my teenage life
 
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flyinghigh

flyinghigh

Member
May 3, 2023
22
im 21 and as soon as i found out what "suicide" meant i always felt intrigued by it, so i would say i had the tendencies since i was 9-10? however i started to fully consider it around my 12th birthday
 
jonghyun

jonghyun

trying to do well
May 6, 2023
28
23 :) and since i was 14/15 in varying intensity directly correlated to life circumstances. Its always there on the down low anyway, even when times are good :(
 
Depressed_nerd

Depressed_nerd

Learning the physics of Death
May 6, 2023
20
I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.
Hey there, I am turning 22 years old this year, I think I started having suicidal ideation since I was around 9 or 10 years old I can’t tell exactly since it wasn’t clear to me when I was at that age. But what’s clear is that I was a weird kid since then, I was isolated from everyone around me, I had barely anyone to be a friend with me, and those friends I wouldn’t even consider them to be close enough with me to the point I can share my problems with them. I basically grew up as a lonely kid with nobody to support me, not even my parents. They knew I was bullied in school, but all they told me is that I should just stood up against them but I was too afraid of doing so. The bullying, and the isolation is probably the main reason why I am having depressive and suicidal thoughts from time to time. It’s been like this for over a decade and it doesn’t seems to get any better although I’m doing quite well for my university. I haven’t met with the bullies ever since I left the elementary school, and I learnt to basically shut myself up to not get bullied by people again, which isolates myself from the people further. Although my parents didn’t helped me at that time, I am still grateful for them raising me well and supported me to study in a university.
 
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BlankZeroNone

BlankZeroNone

Member
May 6, 2023
18
Hey there, I am turning 22 years old this year, I think I started having suicidal ideation since I was around 9 or 10 years old I can’t tell exactly since it wasn’t clear to me when I was at that age. But what’s clear is that I was a weird kid since then, I was isolated from everyone around me, I had barely anyone to be a friend with me, and those friends I wouldn’t even consider them to be close enough with me to the point I can share my problems with them. I basically grew up as a lonely kid with nobody to support me, not even my parents. They knew I was bullied in school, but all they told me is that I should just stood up against them but I was too afraid of doing so. The bullying, and the isolation is probably the main reason why I am having depressive and suicidal thoughts from time to time. It’s been like this for over a decade and it doesn’t seems to get any better although I’m doing quite well for my university. I haven’t met with the bullies ever since I left the elementary school, and I learnt to basically shut myself up to not get bullied by people again, which isolates myself from the people further. Although my parents didn’t helped me at that time, I am still grateful for them raising me well and supported me to study in a university.
I'm 23, but I started having suicidal ideations later than you or most people here. Still, I can relate to your experiences. I wasn't outright bullied, but I was considered strange, and others were mostly indifferent towards me or apprehensive of me. I had friends, but none were very close to me. And although my parents aren't bad people, they were preoccupied with their own issues, and they wouldn't have offered me any support with my more intimate, deeper problems regardless. So, there wasn't anyone I could really talk to. I felt lonely and isolated most of the time, but I forced myself to remain positive because I knew that if I had lost my optimism, there was no one I could've fallen back on.

Loneliness is an awful thing, but I can also see that most people here are worse off than me.
 
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Luchs

Luchs

kristallene Bergluft ĂĽber verfallener Gruft
Aug 20, 2019
526
I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.
I'm in my early 20s. Idk hoe long I've been depressed exactly, or if depression is even the right word. I've always known that I'm different and not in a good way. I remember saying that I wanted to die when I was around 10 years old. It feels like I just wasn't made for and meant to live in this world.
 
kittwho

kittwho

New Member
Apr 7, 2023
2
I'm 20 yrs old & I've been depressed since I was 13/14. In 2021, I recieved treatment but I forced myself to tell my mom about it due to a silly situation I was in. Nothing helps me tbh bc I NEVER wanted to seek help and get better. Depression comfortably took over my whole life
 
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T

TakesOneToKnowOne

Member
Nov 23, 2022
13
33 years old. Probably 4 years of being suicidal in total. 2 in my early twenties, 1 mid twenties, and 1 recent year.
May symbolically mean that my old version is dying, if I survive, but comes pretty close to physical death.
Have not been especially happy in the other years, more like content.
 
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numbnesshuman

numbnesshuman

People who get lost
May 13, 2023
51
I’m 25, have suicidal ideation since kid…but my parents are traditional and they don’t allow me to meet psychiatrist. Attempted suicide(OD) at 18 but failed, keep receiving treatment. Recently I’m considering to ctb via partial hanging. Depression took away my whole life.
 
Bleedingheartbeat

Bleedingheartbeat

Member
May 12, 2023
36
What do you do for a living?
Personally, I'm 22 years old and I'm in college (but I'm about to drop out). I'm studying medicine, but my depression is undermining me. Many people criticize me for my scars (self-mutilation) and say that a doctor should not have psychological problems.

yes with pleasure :)
I’m 22 too and I want to go to college to study psychology. I figured I can empathize more with people in mental distress cause I know that reality all too well. If you were to drop out- in an ideal world- what would you do after?
 
MentalStefan

MentalStefan

Loser
Jul 3, 2022
240
I'm 23 years old and I was diagnosed with severe depression at the age of 12 but I had my first serious depressive episode and suicidal thoughts when I was 8 years old (!). So I've been depressed for 15 years...
 
tomoki

tomoki

Member
Mar 8, 2023
38
J'ai 22 ans aussi et je veux aller à l'université pour étudier la psychologie. Je me suis dit que je pouvais m'identifier davantage aux personnes en détresse mentale car je ne connais que trop bien cette réalité. Si vous deviez abandonner - dans un monde idéal - que feriez-vous après ?
suicide
 
goh.nix

goh.nix

Hopeful
Apr 15, 2023
9
I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.
I'm almost 19, from the US, and have been suicidal since I was 10. It's been a long road, but hey, I'm still here
 
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S

Skatspielerin

Member
May 16, 2023
15
I'm 19 years old and I've been depressed since I'm 12. I started to unlike my family and my favorite hobbies as everything was replaced with indifference, so that at the end I couldn't even care about what I had become. I haven't been perceiving myself as a person since. I don't have unity anymore. My first attempt was three years later. It sometimes makes me ill-at-ease to see people having a life on their own, because I'm not like them.
It's incredibly difficult to recover because I have to built some stuff from nothing until I relapse.
 
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Lost in a Dream

Lost in a Dream

He/him - Metal head
Feb 22, 2020
1,473
I'm 30, and I've had depression since I was in middle school back in the early 2000s, but I didn't become consistently suicidal until 2018. I almost checked out a few times this year, once in February, and a couple times at the end of March. I thought I wanted to try again in April, and then at the start of May, but I'm still here anyway!

It feels so weird to be posting in the recovery forum when I'm not just wishing someone else good luck in their recovery. I gave up on the idea of it for myself a long time ago, but I met someone really special who means everything to me. She gave me a reason to live and I'm hoping to do that for her as well, since we have similar struggles.

I haven't been suicidal for a couple weeks now (except for a few moments when I was afraid that the relationship wouldn't work for some reason), but the way things are going, I don't think I'll be using my SN for a very long time. I'll save it just in case I get a horrible disease, but for now, I'll just keep it stashed safely away.
 
S

silence of death

Member
May 20, 2023
58
i feel like I always imagined myself death sooner than later, maybe not from CTB but something else, death has been on my mind all my youth, I think the depression and suicidal tought really started at 18 when I had a very traumatic event that changed me, but I was already depressed at that age so maybe even younger, 25 now, still here
 
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Slasher_666

Slasher_666

New Member
Apr 6, 2023
2
im 20 and have had severe depression and anxiety since i was about 13. It lead to BPD over the years and got diagnosed last year, but never wanted to get better and was forced to get treatment by my parents. Sadly failed attempts in the past and have had to use self harm as an escape from reality for 6 years now.
 
gotomrg

gotomrg

Member
Mar 10, 2023
30
im 20 and i've been suicidal since i was around 8 or 9. nothing ever helped me. things are just getting worse.
 
Kippo312

Kippo312

A flower in the wind
May 22, 2023
1
I have been suffering a long time as well. I am 18 and it pretty much started when I was 12. everything just feels so empty now.