How often do you find yourself thinking about CTB'ing

[pinkribbonscars]

It's always an afterthought, but I'll go through a phase where the thoughts become more bold and apparent. They slowly creep up and worm into my head until it's invasive. It goes from multiple times a week to a few times a day to this constant, pervasive thought. It always dies down and then it comes back. One of these days I'm going to snap and won't be able to ride it out anymore I swear

 

[mono]

Evenever I'm at work I think about ctb'ing the most. I hate being looked at, and living in general. And being around so many people reminds me that I'm still alive.
I love being alone in my house, and especially sleeping. It's the few times Im not reminded of existence.

 

[jazzcat]

every few minutes now that I'm struggling really bad, but even when I was doing better I thought about it at least a couple times every day for over 10 years

 

[qwert3948]

i live on a emotional rolecoaster so i'm not suicidal consistently, but during depressive episodes, it's on the back of my mind 24/7. my highest streak was like 2 months straight being highly suicidal, but they also come back quickly

 

[iloverilakkuma]

Hmm… at least once a day!

 

[therealmoses]

At this point it's every second of every day. It never really exits my mind. I'm definitely gonna CTB soon.

 

[bluebird16]

Every waking moment.

 

[Eternal🌈Rainbow]

Hourly. Sometimes I'm really desperate like right now and would do it right away if I had everything ready, and other times it's just thinking about the whole ordeal and finishing planning it out. But anyway not 30 minutes go by without having thought of it at least once. It's like it's always in standby mode in the back of my mind.
I guess I could say I'm "living to die", cause dying is the only escape I have out of the hell I'm in every day.

 

[that_guy2611]

Every goddamn day

 

[waRmblanket]

as long as my heart beats, i'm constantly thinking of it.

 

[gag_order]

My fight-or-flight response is set in stone with fleeing. I have never been the fighter type. Anytime I find myself cornered by whatever force it may be, instead of pushing back with similar force, I strategize and find a way to slip away. I guess that has to do with me getting brutally bullied by teachers and classmates ever since primary school. For me, the only way to survive was to flee. Being a lackey to my bullies, skipping school, playing the teacher's pet, and false colors, I did just about everything. I believe this behavior made me an escapist and now in my adult life whenever a problem arises I just find myself thinking, theorizing, and fantasizing about CTB, the ultimate door to walk out of. And problems do occur. Every. Single. Goddamn. Day.

 

[S u i c i d e]

every second, every minute, every hour, every day i think about suicide...

 

[CTB Dream]

Alws all time injury damage all time ctb

 

[brainwormz]

Constantly. God I want to stop existing.

 

[Shaylla1998]

Throughout the entire day lately.

 

[crimsonpool]

always. more often than not

 

[JustBreathing]

Every single day at least a few times.

 

[Galaxie76]

Unfortunately, very often every day. The reason that triggered the CTB thoughts in me has changed for the better...Nevertheless, I am unsure whether I really want to continue living or end everything.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

it feels like all I think about every second of everyday but that can't possibly be true can it? I must think of other things but it just feels like it's always there, as background radiation.

 

[FindingHome]

It's been like this for me since 2020. It's become so constant its always in the back of my mind.

 

[enough of this]

When I'm really in it, it's every millisecond of every day. There are moments where I can go a day or two without truly considering it but when it is bad, I cannot shake it off my mind.

It's been daily for me for several years now. I know I'll do it one day, I just don't know when.

 

[Borderline]

I sleep most of the time and when I don't sleep I think about killing myself.

 

[ButterflyDream]

In the daytime I can hold it back cause I'm busy doing something (unless something upsetting or triggering happens), but at night in bed I'm overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts. I think it's taking a toll on my health because I always wake up tired even if I've gotten plenty of sleep.

 

[I8meself]

i think i dream about death everyday but not in the same manner. Sometime im very positive but im a very sensitive person and thing get to me very easily.

 

[turntechGodhead]

i think abt ctbing everyday even on good days

 

[P@in]

Since I got my chronic sickness, I can't stop thinking about it.
First thing when I wake up basically:"ffs, another day..".
Every day is a struggle. Every moment that is "free" those thoughts invade.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

These days it's pretty consistent for me.
I think about CTBing for most of the day. It doesn't matter if I'm at home or outside.
I have lost all hopes and see CTB as the only solution.

 

[ctvunny]

Id say all the time but there are some moments where I feel like "it was nice to be alive" when I found stuffs that makes me happy and giggly, in which leads me forgetting I have ctb thoughts for a short while.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Several times a day, if not almost all the time, currently.

 

[DangerLime]

Everyday since childhood.