Discussion How many women are incels?

[TheLastGreySky]

Okay, so first and foremost I'm not an incel.
And actually the reason I'm asking is because I find most of the men on this site are incels.
So I'm just curious if the majority of people's wanting to CTB is because of lack of sex/being touched starved OR if that's just a more gender specific problem.

 

[pathetic failure]

I don't want to identify myself as an incel because it's used more as an insult nowadays but I can confirm many men including me want to ctb because the lack of a partner. I don't think it's a gender specific problem but usually the majority suffering from it are men. Imagine living in a world where everyone has their special someone, someone who desires and loves them while you just have to sit alone wondering why don't you deserve it while constantly being told to focus on yourself and that it doesn't define your worth but on the other hand the word incel is just casually thrown around as a degrading slur.

 

[bankai]

There are some femcels around,ive seen them.its a rare sighting but they are around.

 

[pollux]

More than you may think in my experience. But you're also looking at the problem through the wrong perspective; obtaining sex has always been easier for women (if nothing else because men are so desperate for it), but I don't think they treat it the same way as men do. So any direct comparison is misleading.

 

[Cauliflour]

So I'm just curious if the majority of people's wanting to CTB is because of lack of sex/being touched starved OR if that's just a more gender specific problem.

I think that loneliness isn't the main cause for a lot of cases, but rather a by-product of terrible mental health as conditions like depression and anxiety make it harder for people to socialise properly (not to mention that dissconect in mind, behavioral problems like a lack of self care, personal situations etc) thus leading down a spiraling void where it becomes harder and harder to find someone to connect with and easier and easier to submerge yourself in self pity. Some people start their mental health descent due to loneliness but I think why it seems like so many people are feeling that way is because a lot start off with some other issue that gets amplified by a lack of sources to properly communicate with. Sexual intimacy is the strongest of these connections (especially when mixed with romance) due to the sensitive physical connections thus making this the biggest sting in the wound (and humans are naturally very horny creatures).

There are some femcels around,ive seen them.its a rare sighting but they are around.

I think there's many more than people think but people just don't realise due to the way gender roles are set up. Like I think it's more socially acceptable if a woman is writing a whole list on how a man should have 6 figures in their Tinder bio as opposed to a man writing a whole list on how a woman's body should look as we've learned that objectifying women and basing their sole purpouse in looks is wrong, but we haven't learned that basing men's sole purpouse on their achievements in the corporate landscape (or something trivial like the time they can sit in ice cold water) is also wrong.

These are just my thoughts though.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I don't want to identify myself as an incel because it's used more as an insult nowadays but I can confirm many men including me want to ctb because the lack of a partner. I don't think it's a gender specific problem but usually the majority suffering from it are men. Imagine living in a world where everyone has their special someone, someone who desires and loves them while you just have to sit alone wondering why don't you deserve it while constantly being told to focus on yourself and that it doesn't define your worth but on the other hand the word incel is just casually thrown around as a degrading slur.

Then there's guys like me who found out it can be hell having a special someone. It's generally frowned upon to say that, but it's true.

 

[lilurki]

I'm a femcel but that's because most men aka basically all of them disgust me

 

[pathetic failure]

Then there's guys like me who found out it can be hell having a special someone. It's generally frowned upon to say that, but it's true.

Everyone has their own problems.

I'm a femcel but that's because most men aka basically all of them disgust me

Its actually crazy to say something like this on a suicide forum.... This lack of empathy disturbs me

 

[lilurki]

Its actually crazy to say something like this on a suicide forum.... This lack of empathy disturbs me

I am sorry that I hate being treated as a sex object and just treated like a lesser being? I mostly meant men near me but if you want to apply my statement to yourself go ahead.

 

[LastNite]

Incels and femcels are just weird people. Blame yourself before you blame others for the lack of sex you get. It's just a bunch of horny people who blame the other sex for not having intercourse with them. Lots of people don't understand this definition.

Definition of INCEL

a person (usually a man) who regards himself or herself as being involuntarily celibate and typically expresses extreme resentment and hostility toward those who are sexually active… See the full definition

www.merriam-webster.com

 

[pathetic failure]

I am sorry that I hate being treated as a sex object and just treated like a lesser being? I mostly meant men near me but if you want to apply my statement to yourself go ahead.

I see this opinion a lot these days. "Men treats us like sex objects" , "men only want one thing" . That doesn't reflect reality at all but if actually women would prefer to live in a world without men then should we all kill ourselves? Are we that awful?

 

[TheLastGreySky]

More than you may think in my experience. But you're also looking at the problem through the wrong perspective; obtaining sex has always been easier for women (if nothing else because men are so desperate for it), but I don't think they treat it the same way as men do. So any direct comparison is misleading.

Oh well why I wanted to open up a thread and ask. A lot of autistic women I've met remain either virgins or out of relationships because they don't know how to respond and they essentially have too much anxiety unless a man leads very thoroughly. This is just from my experience, I'm not saying that autistic women can't lead romantically or anything. But I'm here to listen not to talk as much as I normally do.

 

[littlepup159]

More than you may think in my experience. But you're also looking at the problem through the wrong perspective; obtaining sex has always been easier for women (if nothing else because men are so desperate for it), but I don't think they treat it the same way as men do. So any direct comparison is misleading.

You're right but that doesn't mean it's better or something.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I think there's many more than people think but people just don't realise due to the way gender roles are set up. Like I think it's more socially acceptable if a woman is writing a whole list on how a man should have 6 figures in their Tinder bio as opposed to a man writing a whole list on how a woman's body should look as we've learned that objectifying women and basing their sole purpouse in looks is wrong, but we haven't learned that basing men's sole purpouse on their achievements in the corporate landscape (or something trivial like the time they can sit in ice cold water) is also wrong.

I honestly you feel like women objectify men by listing the "requirements" that they expect a man to have before approaching them... But personally I found that these expectations are just like job applications... In the sense that a job wants you to have all these prerequisites, but in reality you can just show up and nail the interview. I think a lot of men don't get that... But I do think it's degrading and dehumanizing to people who don't understand that people say what they feel in the moment and that isn't some axiom to define them by.

I think it's inherently easier for women to get men however, I also think it's a lot harder for women to approach men. So that's why I'm curious on a woman's side to this.

 

[immrw]

I see this opinion a lot these days. "Men treats us like sex objects" , "men only want one thing" . That doesn't reflect reality at all but if actually women would prefer to live in a world without men then should we all kill ourselves? Are we that awful?

look at the amount of women who deal with SA. 81% experience it in their lifetime. 1 in 3 women who are raped have it happen between 11 and 17. Look at all the women dealing with domestic violence, being killed by their male partner. https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics

Women ARE treated like objects to pleasure men. This is a societal problem and it reflects in our interpersonal relationships. There is a female violence epidemic. No, not *all* men are disgusting, but when relationship after relationship (romantic, platonic, whatever) includes some form of SA or abuse, it sure does start to feel that way.

Most men are awful not only because they do these horrible acts, but because the ones that don't, downplay the hell out of it. They say we are over exaggerating. They try to insert their own issues (while valid) as a way to dismiss and belittle the nightmare women are forced to live. When their homies are accused of rape, they deny deny deny instead of accepting that some monsters seem awfully nice except behind closed doors.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I'm a femcel but that's because most men aka basically all of them disgust me

Respectfully what disgusts you about them? Is it a hygiene thing is it a mannerism thing? I'm curious because one thing I always express to my partners is I don't like body hair. I try to avoid it as much as possible on myself outside of my face. And it's something that I've been told is really uncommon to not enjoy. But it's cuz I'm texture sensitive.

I am sorry that I hate being treated as a sex object and just treated like a lesser being? I mostly meant men near me but if you want to apply my statement to yourself go ahead.

Out of curiosity, because I've seen a lot of women hate when men pretend to be nice... How do you feel a guy should approach a woman? Like presumably if they come off with cheesy pick up lines or "hey beautiful" presumably that would be something you disapprove of. But, like I've also seen women completely in the dark that a guy likes her.

Are you someone who initiates when you like your partner first? Or do you just want a sort of slow pace? You're free to completely ignore this message of course, but I feel like what you're saying underneath is something more people need to hear. You're a human being and most men don't treat women like human beings... So that's why I'm kind of wanting to hear more of what you have to say if you're willing to share.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

.... Lots of people don't understand this definition....

I've looked up that word 3 or 4 times and never noticed the hostility part of the definition. Thank you for pointing that out (really). I feel more educated now in made-up words. Not to trivialize the hurt I see being expressed in this thread. Generalizations are useful but can lead to mischaracterizations of individuals.

 

[Emerita]

I have a sexual dysfunction plus no real desire for partnered sexual relations. And at least right now I dont think I should be doing anything sexual with another person because I have issues I need to work on. I know for a fact that I would get flashbacks and that I would just feel like Im being raped. I don't want that and Im pretty sure dragging someone else into that would be harmful for them too. My sexual aversion disorder, which is the extreme avoidance of sexual contact which causes marked and interpersonal distress with feelings of fear, disgust, panic, repulsion, faintness and other similar feelings when confronted with a sexual opportunity. Normally caused by a past traumatic experiences (csa) and tends to be resistant to treatment. So I wouldn't say Im a femcel but Im celibate so idk if that counts?

 

[pollux]

You're right but that doesn't mean it's better or something.

No, it's not really better. Or worse. I wouldn't be able to tell anyway.

Out of curiosity, because I've seen a lot of women hate when men pretend to be nice... How do you feel a guy should approach a woman? Like presumably if they come off with cheesy pick up lines or "hey beautiful" presumably that would be something you disapprove of. But, like I've also seen women completely in the dark that a guy likes her.

Just ask her out. If she likes you, you'll know.

 

[pathetic failure]

look at the amount of women who deal with SA. 81% experience it in their lifetime. 1 in 3 women who are raped have it happen between 11 and 17. Look at all the women dealing with domestic violence, being killed by their male partner. https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics

Women ARE treated like objects to pleasure men. This is a societal problem and it reflects in our interpersonal relationships. There is a female violence epidemic. No, not *all* men are disgusting, but when relationship after relationship (romantic, platonic, whatever) includes some form of SA or abuse, it sure does start to feel that way.

Most men are awful not only because they do these horrible acts, but because the ones that don't, downplay the hell out of it. They say we are over exaggerating. They try to insert their own issues (while valid) as a way to dismiss and belittle the nightmare women are forced to live. When their homies are accused of rape, they deny deny deny instead of accepting that some monsters seem awfully nice except behind closed doors.

You don't know how much this mindset and words can hurt to hear as a man .
Alright let's assume 99.99 percent of men are terrible. Why is it fair for the remaining 0.01 to hear these words about themselves. If I belong to a gender that is considered violent and rapist why should honestly any man live ? What's the point? If my existence makes women suffer it's my responsibility to kill myself

 

[TheLastGreySky]

look at the amount of women who deal with SA. 81% experience it in their lifetime. 1 in 3 women who are raped have it happen between 11 and 17. Look at all the women dealing with domestic violence, being killed by their male partner. https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics

Women ARE treated like objects to pleasure men. This is a societal problem and it reflects in our interpersonal relationships. There is a female violence epidemic. No, not *all* men are disgusting, but when relationship after relationship (romantic, platonic, whatever) includes some form of SA or abuse, it sure does start to feel that way.

Most men are awful not only because they do these horrible acts, but because the ones that don't, downplay the hell out of it. They say we are over exaggerating. They try to insert their own issues (while valid) as a way to dismiss and belittle the nightmare women are forced to live. When their homies are accused of rape, they deny deny deny instead of accepting that some monsters seem awfully nice except behind closed doors.

Respectfully, I get where you're coming from in the sense that men are generally the perpetrators statistically. But men are for less likely to report abuse. I was abused by women when I was a kid, but no one would hear it. They thought I was delusional. So I don't think it's a matter of men being the majority of the perpetrators but being the majority of the convicted and accused.

Regardless of statics. I think it's common sense for you to have a distrust towards men or at least a hypervigilance towards them. I think both men and women need to be educated about abuse from both genders because it looks different.
But it gets tricky when we're told we have to believe all women and then many people including myself know of women who intentionally make false accusations. Like how do you even factor in when someone lies? You can't dismiss all the people who are actually hurt by one person's lie... But you also cannot ignore when someone is proven to be lying... So I don't blame men for questioning if someone they know is innocent...
But I definitely do think most men don't put that much thought into whether or not someone did something like SA because they "know" their friends. There's definitely a bias there.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I think there's many more than people think but people just don't realise due to the way gender roles are set up. Like I think it's more socially acceptable if a woman is writing a whole list on how a man should have 6 figures in their Tinder bio as opposed to a man writing a whole list on how a woman's body should look as we've learned that objectifying women and basing their sole purpouse in looks is wrong, but we haven't learned that basing men's sole purpouse on their achievements in the corporate landscape (or something trivial like the time they can sit in ice cold water) is also wrong.

Men don't usually write a list of what a woman should look like because it's pretty easy to tell from the pictures on dating apps. If there were no pics, they would be making lists, and it would probably be somewhat acceptable.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

No, it's not really better. Or worse. I wouldn't be able to tell anyway.


Just ask her out. If she likes you, you'll know.

Preachhhh honestly that's what I've always found to be true. Like stop getting stuck in your head and just be like hey "Honestly, I think you're cute... do you want to go to the zoo with me?"
Worst case scenario is your at a zoo.

 

[Cauliflour]

Seeing posts like this interests me because it's like "wow straight people really don't know what they're doing anymore" but it also annoys me because then people start speaking on behalf of all of that sex and don't seem to realise what's innate and what's purely cultural.

You don't know how much this mindset and words can hurt to hear as a man .
Alright let's assume 99.99 percent of men are terrible. Why is it fair for the remaining 0.01 to hear these words about themselves. If I belong to a gender that is considered violent and rapist why should honestly any man live ? What's the point? If my existence makes women suffer it's my responsibility to kill myself

I hate when people act like being violent and lacking self control is innate within the male gender when it's not. Sexual assault is a complicated thing but at it's core, it's a power imbalance. Men traditionally have the power therefore this mindset of "I can do whatever I want to her" develops more. Isn't it like 1/2 of all rapes in women was by their partner? I suppose in that case it's "i have that strong romantic bond with her therefore I can do whatever I want to her".

Instead of wishing death upon half the population, we should be trying to fix that cultural power imbalance so less men don't fall into that mindset where they think they should control other peoples' bodies. Saying "oh but not all men are like that" isn't gonna fix anything. In fact, that's a terrible thing to say to a SA victim because it's just a divergence from the problem.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

You don't know how much this mindset and words can hurt to hear as a man .
Alright let's assume 99.99 percent of men are terrible. Why is it fair for the remaining 0.01 to hear these words about themselves. If I belong to a gender that is considered violent and rapist why should honestly any man live ? What's the point? If my existence makes women suffer it's my responsibility to kill myself

The way our brains work are different. A woman venting is not meant to be an absolute statement or an attack on all men. They are working with the assumption that if you are offended then this is about you and if you're not offended then it is not about you.

I get where you're coming from, but realistically...
If all men were terrible, those women generally wouldn't date terrible men... But I'm sure you've met a lot of women who date terrible men.

Someone expressing their experience and history shouldn't offend you, but as a man...
Yeah I get how you see it as towards all men because the subtext is not given to us in context.

 

[Cauliflour]

Men don't usually write a list of what a woman should look like because it's pretty easy to tell from the pictures on dating apps. If there were no pics, they would be making lists, and it would probably be somewhat acceptable.

I've seen lists in bios around the place on the internet, mainly Reddit where the incels lurk. Usually they go like:
"Looking for a young woman who's:
- thin
- 5"3 or taller
- 100lbs or lighter
- will do housework
- virgin
- no tattoos
- blonde hair
- asian
- willing to do my every command
- never had any boyfriends"

Usually they're longer than this. Never used dating apps so I can tell what the frequency on such things would be, but incels are the kinds of people who write these so that's why I brought it up.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I've seen lists in bios around the place on the internet, mainly Reddit where the incels lurk. Usually they go like:
"Looking for a young woman who's:
- thin
- 5"3 or taller
- 100lbs or lighter
- will do housework
- virgin
- no tattoos
- blonde hair
- asian
- willing to do my every command
- never had any boyfriends"

Usually they're longer than this. Never used dating apps so I can tell what the frequency on such things would be, but incels are the kinds of people who write these so that's why I brought it up.

I've seen lists in bios around the place on the internet, mainly Reddit where the incels lurk. Usually they go like:
"Looking for a young woman who's:
- thin
- 5"3 or taller
- 100lbs or lighter
- will do housework
- virgin
- no tattoos
- blonde hair
- asian
- willing to do my every command
- never had any boyfriends"

Usually they're longer than this. Never used dating apps so I can tell what the frequency on such things would be, but incels are the kinds of people who write these so that's why I brought it up.

I think most men would benefit to STUDY BDSM THOROUGHLY because the entire culture revolves around consent. It's not about emotional or romantic bounds with your partner it's about terms and conditions. But I think most men have it in their heads that a woman sleeping with them means they love them or like them respect them etc... nah.

One of my favorite explanations of BDSM goes a little some like the Sub describes the picture she wants colored in and places the boundaries to color in. The Dom decides how to interpret the picture she wants while respecting the boundaries she's put in place. It's about communication and consent. And one thing I really like about the BDSM community is the discussion of limits prior to any intimate act.

 

[lilurki]

Respectfully what disgusts you about them? Is it a hygiene thing is it a mannerism thing? I'm curious because one thing I always express to my partners is I don't like body hair. I try to avoid it as much as possible on myself outside of my face. And it's something that I've been told is really uncommon to not enjoy. But it's cuz I'm texture sensitive.

Out of curiosity, because I've seen a lot of women hate when men pretend to be nice... How do you feel a guy should approach a woman? Like presumably if they come off with cheesy pick up lines or "hey beautiful" presumably that would be something you disapprove of. But, like I've also seen women completely in the dark that a guy likes her.

Are you someone who initiates when you like your partner first? Or do you just want a sort of slow pace? You're free to completely ignore this message of course, but I feel like what you're saying underneath is something more people need to hear. You're a human being and most men don't treat women like human beings... So that's why I'm kind of wanting to hear more of what you have to say if you're willing to share.

Just how they objectify me and don't care to actually know me.

Personally, I'd just like a guy try to approach me as a friend first and then we can let things progress from that, try to know me before trying to take me out I don't know...

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I've seen lists in bios around the place on the internet, mainly Reddit where the incels lurk. Usually they go like:
"Looking for a young woman who's:
- thin
- 5"3 or taller
- 100lbs or lighter
- will do housework
- virgin
- no tattoos
- blonde hair
- asian
- willing to do my every command
- never had any boyfriends"

Usually they're longer than this. Never used dating apps so I can tell what the frequency on such things would be, but incels are the kinds of people who write these so that's why I brought it up.

Looking for weaker people than me who I can abuse is all I read here. (And also who look exactly like the slave I want, forgot to mention this)

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Just how they objectify me and don't care to actually know me.

Personally, I'd just like a guy try to approach me as a friend first and then we can let things progress from that, try to know me before trying to take me out I don't know...

Do you have anxiety around men you don't know?
I don't want to assume anything.

I identify as demi, so I don't fall for someone unless I know they're not putting on a face to get me to like them. Not sure if this is relatable to you, but thought I'd share.