I think way too much about intelligence. But sometimes I find it under certain circumstances funny when they consider me stupid. Because I think I get from where they are coming from. Hear me out. I try to make it short.
I saw this in my self-help group and sometimes when I dated (very smart) women. Sometimes people were impressed by my analytical skills. And for being such a deep thinker. People complimented how interesting the things were I shared with them. And considered out conversations pretty insightful. Not with the quantum physics professor he saw right through that I am a bullshitter. Though, he didn't realize I wasn't aware of inter-subjectivity ut that's a different story.
You know I dated quite smart women. And some of them were really manipulative. And some of them played with me. I obviously don't have access to their mind. There are different ways how I am perceived as dumb person. In practical skills I am pretty poor and I am very insecure in social interactions. The woman with whom I was in a short-relationship called me stupid for how I behaved in the supermarker. After our date she depriciated me even for minor things.
I was pretty nervous she might consider me weird. But honestly I was so fucking wrong with all my theory of mind with her. Retrospectively I realized she had borderline and she idealized me in our first month in an extreme way. I always assumed one big mistake and she will be forever gone. I even became one time so paranoid and started crying because I had the paranoid idea she would think I would cheat on her. And then I thought she would make fun of me and she was ridiculing me all the time.
I have issues that I become paranoid when dating women and I usually try to hide it as long as possible. Because psychosis is really stigmatized. It has become way better since I reduced stress (quitting colleg)e and when I am able to receive AI feedback actually this helped me a lot in avoiding paranoia when texting). To be honest I thought it was over when I became paranoid and accused her of ridiculing me. And in most realistic scenarios this probably would have stunned most women. And they were sort of irritated. Retrospectively, I realized she idealized me in an extreme way which was also sort of irrational at this point. Because we only had contact for like two weeks. I was extremelly touched she didn't run away immediately instead she acted really lovely. But considering the information I had at this point it probably felt like this must be too good to be true but I stil don't question it. I want to point to my bias jumping to conclusions.
I think women realizes I am low key paranoid interacting with them. Hyperanxious to do something wrong, very nervous with physical contact. And you know I think really smart women notice there is something off with me. The way I handle social interactions is not normal. When I regularly go to the pharmacy I also had the feeling they conisdered me sort of money. One reason might be I always take way too many medication from them. I think I had issues in the past not to hoard them. I am quite anxious when it comes to medication. I was extremely angry at my mom because she recently threw some of them away. I am usually not aggressive but some of them were still useable and this really pissed me off. Because I am anxious one day my health insurance will wrote a complaint to my psychiatrist. But I digress. I had issues with hyperfocus and anxiety at college. Going to the pharmacy and buying new medication (For free) always gave me a sense of safety. But I tried to become more aware of this issue and last year barely got new subscriptions.
Where was I? I think women perceive this low paranoia as something stupid. Some women take advantage of that. They probably don't know the biases one is probably jumping to conclusions. But if something goes wrong the first person that I blame is always me. And I try to be hyperaware of all possible flaws I have. Some women enjoy that. I can remember two crushs in my self-help group who didn't take advatange of that because they knew how vulnerable I am. But not all women are like that. There was a woman with PTSD. We had two dates. And on first date I was extremely careful not to induce anxiety in her. We were alone in nature took a long walk. I had contact with women whpo experienced sexual abuse. And most of them completely rejected the idea to become intimate with a man. I considered something like that likely. I am refering to the autistic liberal woman with whom I had these days (for people who know my lore). But at the second date I realized this woman had a pretty active sex and drug life. She was dating men and women, she did drugs with them and I am quite sure they had sex together. I think you can pretty easily gaslight or brain fucking me. When I meet a woman at first I am extremey naive. Maybe except on the internet. I also have the tendency to idealize women when I meet them. I always wish they would save me from my unhappiness which is pretty unhealthy (and a ref flag).
Bottom line: my social awkardness, low practical skills and my cognitive distortions that can become obvious can make you think I was dumb in a certain way. Though, the way I speak/eloquence, my vocabularly and habitus might point in a different direction. I think the cognitive distortions you will notice depend a lot on how you communicate with me. People on here will notice different things than the people in the pharmacy. In general I think there are not many people as self-aware as I see who have psychosis, autism and bipolar. It seems like this is rather rare. My personal conclusion is I came with the help of chatGPT to this point: actually more and more self-analysis doesn't bring that much benefit or new significant ways of knowledge/clearity. But it is paradoxical because how have I learned this lessson when I did introspection with chatGPT. The best way to make my thinking sharper and more clear is changing context variables that nudge my thinking in certain ways. I cannot really change my thinking by outsmarting myself, There is no point where I can say actually now I know all my cognitive distortions and by knowing them I won't fall for them. I think a lot of my thinking and behavior is pathological and the scope for changing my thinking in a crisis (and I am often in a crisis) is rather low. But enough sleep, social contacts in real life, rules that I should follow, certain (non) habits all of that has the biggest impact on my well being. I won't go into more detail. Another lesson is less extremely intricate analysies and more implementation of habits that are good for me.
I saw this in my self-help group and sometimes when I dated (very smart) women. Sometimes people were impressed by my analytical skills. And for being such a deep thinker. People complimented how interesting the things were I shared with them. And considered out conversations pretty insightful. Not with the quantum physics professor he saw right through that I am a bullshitter. Though, he didn't realize I wasn't aware of inter-subjectivity ut that's a different story.
You know I dated quite smart women. And some of them were really manipulative. And some of them played with me. I obviously don't have access to their mind. There are different ways how I am perceived as dumb person. In practical skills I am pretty poor and I am very insecure in social interactions. The woman with whom I was in a short-relationship called me stupid for how I behaved in the supermarker. After our date she depriciated me even for minor things.
I was pretty nervous she might consider me weird. But honestly I was so fucking wrong with all my theory of mind with her. Retrospectively I realized she had borderline and she idealized me in our first month in an extreme way. I always assumed one big mistake and she will be forever gone. I even became one time so paranoid and started crying because I had the paranoid idea she would think I would cheat on her. And then I thought she would make fun of me and she was ridiculing me all the time.
I have issues that I become paranoid when dating women and I usually try to hide it as long as possible. Because psychosis is really stigmatized. It has become way better since I reduced stress (quitting colleg)e and when I am able to receive AI feedback actually this helped me a lot in avoiding paranoia when texting). To be honest I thought it was over when I became paranoid and accused her of ridiculing me. And in most realistic scenarios this probably would have stunned most women. And they were sort of irritated. Retrospectively, I realized she idealized me in an extreme way which was also sort of irrational at this point. Because we only had contact for like two weeks. I was extremelly touched she didn't run away immediately instead she acted really lovely. But considering the information I had at this point it probably felt like this must be too good to be true but I stil don't question it. I want to point to my bias jumping to conclusions.
I think women realizes I am low key paranoid interacting with them. Hyperanxious to do something wrong, very nervous with physical contact. And you know I think really smart women notice there is something off with me. The way I handle social interactions is not normal. When I regularly go to the pharmacy I also had the feeling they conisdered me sort of money. One reason might be I always take way too many medication from them. I think I had issues in the past not to hoard them. I am quite anxious when it comes to medication. I was extremely angry at my mom because she recently threw some of them away. I am usually not aggressive but some of them were still useable and this really pissed me off. Because I am anxious one day my health insurance will wrote a complaint to my psychiatrist. But I digress. I had issues with hyperfocus and anxiety at college. Going to the pharmacy and buying new medication (For free) always gave me a sense of safety. But I tried to become more aware of this issue and last year barely got new subscriptions.
Where was I? I think women perceive this low paranoia as something stupid. Some women take advantage of that. They probably don't know the biases one is probably jumping to conclusions. But if something goes wrong the first person that I blame is always me. And I try to be hyperaware of all possible flaws I have. Some women enjoy that. I can remember two crushs in my self-help group who didn't take advatange of that because they knew how vulnerable I am. But not all women are like that. There was a woman with PTSD. We had two dates. And on first date I was extremely careful not to induce anxiety in her. We were alone in nature took a long walk. I had contact with women whpo experienced sexual abuse. And most of them completely rejected the idea to become intimate with a man. I considered something like that likely. I am refering to the autistic liberal woman with whom I had these days (for people who know my lore). But at the second date I realized this woman had a pretty active sex and drug life. She was dating men and women, she did drugs with them and I am quite sure they had sex together. I think you can pretty easily gaslight or brain fucking me. When I meet a woman at first I am extremey naive. Maybe except on the internet. I also have the tendency to idealize women when I meet them. I always wish they would save me from my unhappiness which is pretty unhealthy (and a ref flag).
Bottom line: my social awkardness, low practical skills and my cognitive distortions that can become obvious can make you think I was dumb in a certain way. Though, the way I speak/eloquence, my vocabularly and habitus might point in a different direction. I think the cognitive distortions you will notice depend a lot on how you communicate with me. People on here will notice different things than the people in the pharmacy. In general I think there are not many people as self-aware as I see who have psychosis, autism and bipolar. It seems like this is rather rare. My personal conclusion is I came with the help of chatGPT to this point: actually more and more self-analysis doesn't bring that much benefit or new significant ways of knowledge/clearity. But it is paradoxical because how have I learned this lessson when I did introspection with chatGPT. The best way to make my thinking sharper and more clear is changing context variables that nudge my thinking in certain ways. I cannot really change my thinking by outsmarting myself, There is no point where I can say actually now I know all my cognitive distortions and by knowing them I won't fall for them. I think a lot of my thinking and behavior is pathological and the scope for changing my thinking in a crisis (and I am often in a crisis) is rather low. But enough sleep, social contacts in real life, rules that I should follow, certain (non) habits all of that has the biggest impact on my well being. I won't go into more detail. Another lesson is less extremely intricate analysies and more implementation of habits that are good for me.
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