I feel like its 9.
Surprisingly, I feel slightly less lonely here in the psych ward. Im in the room with one older guy who seems to be very kind person. We talk from time to time about our problems and negative feelings. Thats what makes my life more bearable.
Also I chat with one of the SS members via dm. Im very thankful for this friendship. (There were more kind people who approached me when I joined this board, but I was too scaried to respond back... I strongly regret it.)
When I leave this place Im afraid that I will be completely alone again. I have absolutely no idea how to make friends, both online and irl.
Sometimes I feel like Im destined to be this way, drowing in my loneliness all the time. Being extremely shy and having awful personality feels like I have no chance to make any changes on that matter. Not mentioning any relationships with the opposite gender, Im way more likely to win milion dollars in the lottery than to have someone close to me, to experience some love despite, well... dreaming about it. (about being with romantic partner)
When Im very stressed, it feels like my loneliness is beyond fhe scale.
I answered once that its not the main reason for me to ctb, but I think I was wrong. Really, really wrong. But there are also other issues that makes me want to ctb. Sometimes I regret that I havent drunk my SN yet
Im sorry if there are any mistakes in my reply, but I have hard time typing on my phone.