Story Horrible SN Experience

[Nikitatos]

Yeah, that's basically what it means. This is my source for the claim.

But this applies only after you opened it! When it's sealed, it's good for whatever date the manufacturer has written on there.

Would it test as being 50% pure after 82 days? Is there a way to purify it?

 

[EyesOfNight]

Would it test as being 50% pure after 82 days? Is there a way to purify it?

Yeah it would be at about 50% or half of what your original purity was. There is no accessible way to separate nitrite from nitrate. That's what makes it impossible to make high purity nitrite at home.

 

[Relic]

It'll be definitely interesting to see what they write in there about a patient who tried to CBT with sodium nitrite

As they took you in, there is no escape for them, there has to be a diagnosis. SN does not have its own dedicated code, it's under "Poisoning by antidotes and chelating agents, intentional self-harm." Which is strange. Because if all this banning spree and hysteria is to be taken seriously, the least they could do is to assign a code.

But if they didn't test for anything, just locked you up, this could get interesting. A suicide attempt, with a chemical they did not bother addressing, so their reasoning for the need of a psychiatric stay could be amusing. While a big part of medical records consist of patient statements, they still have some responsibilities. You could have told them that you ingested it accidentally as the amount was rather small. Now you have a SN suicide attempt on your record. Or maybe not? If you get the codes, maybe you could dispute the things you don't like.

The exact half-life is 82.3 days. That means until around this time the amount of sodium nitrite is halved.

That is not relevant here, a half-life of this compound is measured after it has been exposed to the environment, like ingested or placed in some other reactive setting. Otherwise this term is used to describe radioactive decay.

 

[Itty bitty]

But this applies only after you opened it! When it's sealed, it's good for whatever date the manufacturer has written on there.

That is the reason why i not fill SN in container. I let it in the closed pack.

 

[EyesOfNight]

That is not relevant here, a half-life of this compound is measured after it has been exposed to the environment, like ingested or placed in some other reactive setting. Otherwise this term is used to describe radioactive decay.

Wouldn't this also apply here since nitrite reacts with oxygen?

 

[johann_liebert]

As they took you in, there is no escape for them, there has to be a diagnosis. SN does not have its own dedicated code, it's under "Poisoning by antidotes and chelating agents, intentional self-harm." Which is strange. Because if all this banning spree and hysteria is to be taken seriously, the least they could do is to assign a code.

But if they didn't test for anything, just locked you up, this could get interesting. A suicide attempt, with a chemical they did not bother addressing, so their reasoning for the need of a psychiatric stay could be amusing. While a big part of medical records consist of patient statements, they still have some responsibilities. You could have told them that you ingested it accidentally as the amount was rather small. Now you have a SN suicide attempt on your record. Or maybe not? If you get the codes, maybe you could dispute the things you don't like.

This is very interesting, but remember I'm from Germany. Idk where you're from and if it's the same here, as in your place.

Now you have a SN suicide attempt on your record.

What does that mean? What record? And my doctor knew about my mental problems very well. No, one would believe me I took that on accident, but I also thought about fabricating some other story to avoid the psych ward stay.

That is not relevant here, a half-life of this compound is measured after it has been exposed to the environment, like ingested or placed in some other reactive setting. Otherwise this term is used to describe radioactive decay.

So you disagree with what that person wrote here? To me, it sounded very plausible: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-after-opened.143460/#post-2289551

 

[Nikitatos]

Yeah it would be at about 50% or half of what your original purity was. There is no accessible way to separate nitrite from nitrate. That's what makes it impossible to make high purity nitrite at home.

There's videos on YouTube that make it look like it's fairly simple to separate nitrite from nitrate. Are those videos just wrong?

 

[Meteora]

Why on earth did you pick up that phone?????
I m sorry what you went through... but it was clear that it would happen.....

 

[johann_liebert]

Why on earth did you pick up that phone?????
I m sorry what you went through... but it was clear that it would happen.....

It was a phone call from my grandmother, who lives one house away. That's why I picked it up. Idk tf she wanted, and I didn't want to get a surprise visit and get rescued into a vegetable state. But just that phone call itself throw me completely out of that zone, that 'I'm now going to die' mental process I was in.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

It was a phone call from my grandmother, who lives one house away. That's why I picked it up. Idk tf she wanted, and I didn't want to get a surprise visit and get rescued into a vegetable state. But just that phone call itself throw me completely out of that zone, that 'I'm now going to die' mental process I was in.

Does she know she saved your life?

 

[johann_liebert]

Does she know she saved your life?

No, and no one in my family is supposed to and ever will know about this or any suicide attempt. They, including her, played a big part in destroying my life in the first place...

 

[Relic]

Wouldn't this also apply here since nitrite reacts with oxygen?

A nitrite ion contains one nitrogen atom and two oxygen atoms. It oxidizes and gains an oxygen atom from the air. While, technically, every substance has a half-life, this is not it.

If you are interested in this phenomenon, maybe this calculator and the explanations included will give an idea:
https://www.omnicalculator.com/chemistry/half-life#half-life-definition

So you disagree with what that person wrote here? To me, it sounded very plausible: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-after-opened.143460/#post-2289551

What that paper says is:

This substance dissociates immediately into sodium and nitrite
ions in water. The nitrite ion is a component of the nitrogen cycle. In the environment, bacteria of the genus
Nitrobacter oxidise nitrites to nitrates. Nitrates are reduced to nitrogen by anaerobic bacteria present in soil and
sediment. The estimated BCF is 3.162 and hence bioaccumulation is not significant. Indirect photo-oxidation by
hydroxy radicals is predicted to occur with a half-life estimated at 82.3 days.

It is filed under "Environment" and describes various aspects of decomposition. The salt in its packaging is safe, opened or not.
I have tested my years old sample and had good results. So I left some lying around in an open bottle and have plans to test it again after a few months.

 

[EyesOfNight]

There's videos on YouTube that make it look like it's fairly simple to separate nitrite from nitrate. Are those videos just wrong?

I don't have the technical knowledge to judge those. All videos I saw used some techniques that prove that there is nitrite but none of those I saw ever tested purity in any reliable way. There is also the fact that I couldn't find a medium in which one would dissolve without the other.

 

[Relic]

What does that mean? What record?

Everyone has a record, or a file, where every medical incident is described, in the EU it should be in electronic form.

 

[johann_liebert]

Everyone has a record, or a file, where every medical incident is described, in the EU it should be in electronic form.

I researched that, and in Germany it's called "Kranken- or Patientenakte". Since 2021 it's electronic. But who is going to look into there besides medical people? Unlike your criminal record, employees aren't allowed to look that up.

 

[Relic]

I researched that, and in Germany it's called "Kranken- or Patientenakte". Since 2021 it's electronic. But who is going to look into there besides medical people? Unlike your criminal record, employees aren't allowed to look that up.

It will be the people who matter the most when it comes to locking you up again, the doctors.
And there are certain instances where other people have access to it, like law enforcement.
Or applying for certain permits can give interested parties access to that kind of records specifically.
It is not a good record to have if you can avoid it.

 

[sanitystruggle]

Yeah, that's basically what it means. This is my source for the claim.

But this applies only after you opened it! When it's sealed, it's good for whatever date the manufacturer has written on there.

That source is misinterpreting the ECHA data. The data provided is describing degradation in the environment and the potential for pollution (taking into account things like bioaccumulation and biodegradation). The figure of 82.3 days is the half-life for photooxidisation as an environmental contaminant in air. As the ECHA notes:

"After evaporation or exposure to the air, the product will be slowly degraded by photochemical processes. However, since sodium nitrite shows a very low vapour pressure evaporation is negligible; therefore, phototransformation in air is of minor importance."

Commercial grade SN that is properly stored in a reasonably airtight container and away from exposure to light is going to show much slower degradation. It's doubtful you'd have any more than trace conversion to the nitrate over those kinds of timescale.

SN would be very difficult to package and sell industrially if it had such a perilously short half life under proper storage conditions.

There are numerous reports here of people testing (and using) SN that has been stored for months or years without issue.

 

[roku6]

A nitrite ion contains one nitrogen atom and two oxygen atoms. It oxidizes and gains an oxygen atom from the air. While, technically, every substance has a half-life, this is not it.

If you are interested in this phenomenon, maybe this calculator and the explanations included will give an idea:
https://www.omnicalculator.com/chemistry/half-life#half-life-definition



What that paper says is:


It is filed under "Environment" and describes various aspects of decomposition. The salt in its packaging is safe, opened or not.
I have tested my years old sample and had good results. So I left some lying around in an open bottle and have plans to test it again after a few months.

Is the nitrite safe after a few months if the container was opened once, but after sealed air tight in "dark" container?
Though some air still left in the container after sealing it.

 

[Relic]

Is the nitrite safe after a few months if the container was opened once, but after sealed air tight in "dark" container?
Though some air still left in the container after sealing it.

Nothing happens to it in the near future, the bottle just needs to be sealed well. The cap must not be loose or overtightened.

 

[johann_liebert]

It will be the people who matter the most when it comes to locking you up again, the doctors.

Even immediately after my suicide attempt, they kinda did everything to get rid of me. I doubt any doctor would want to lock me up anywhere. There must be some other severe reason, not just some past suicide attempt. And in such a law case, where ending your life plays a significant role, you first need to get yourself into, and then you probably have much bigger problems than a past suicide attempt.

Or applying for certain permits can give interested parties access to that kind of records specifically.

That may be the only serious downside of that. But I have much bigger limitations in life (we don't have to talk about how my job CV looks like) than a past suicide attempt.

 

[sanitystruggle]

A nitrite ion contains one nitrogen atom and two oxygen atoms. It oxidizes and gains an oxygen atom from the air. While, technically, every substance has a half-life, this is not it.

Half-life is a general mathematical concept used to characterise an exponential decay process; radioactive decay is just the most widely known of this type of behaviour.

You can also define biological half-life/elimination half-life (e.g. of drugs or other substances in the body), and half-life in the environment for substances that degrade over time.

In this case it's the environmental half-life of SN in air.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

Disclaimer: I'm not doing this to bash Sodium Nitrite just stating my experiences with it, as this was a really unexpected outcome and to tell people a bit from the other side, as the positive ones of SN are really glorified here, but the negative ones are much less known.


Short version: On 31st January, I did a 2nd CTB attempt with some of the SN I had left from my first attempt on 11th January. But I wasn't using enough, as I was interrupted by a phone call and ended up with acute renal failure in the hospital.


The long version:
How do I start, after my first failed SN attempt that I also captured on here, I didn't expect to ever overcome the SI to actually CTB with Sodium Nitrite. I was searching for different methods but couldn't find anything good, and after reading in some posts on here that the SN is still good for almost three months after it was opened, I started again playing with the idea of using the SN method more and more.

On 30th January I fasted for almost 20 hours, took all the meds I had (Ibu and Vomex), but I slept for too long, and was worried that when my father would come home from work, he would find my unconscious but not yet dead body and I get rescued and end up as a brain-damaged vegetable.

I ate one meal and then fasted again for almost 20 hours until the next day, 31st January. This time I woke up early enough, to have these 4+ hours to be definitely dead time, until my father would come home from work. I took the meds, prepared three SN shots and just sit there on my desk, where I'm currently writing this post, and see what happens.

I took the shot on my mouth and tasted the seawater-like tasting SN. This point I also reached in my first SN attempt. I took a bit in my mouth and swallowed it and immediately noticed the stomach growling, I also had on my first attempt where only a drop got in my stomach. I was sitting there with my head resting in my arm, after a while I took another bigger (maybe soup spoon like) sip of the SN shot. My heart began racing and everything became cloudy, but not because I was scared. I was instead just really surprised, because I was genuinely ready to now drink the rest of it and die, and if I hadn't been interrupted by a stupid phone call by my grandmother, I would have probably done that.

I was so thrown out by that, that I ditched the attempt and thought I'll just try it the next day again.

However, after I went to the toilet, I noticed something is different. After I urinated, I still had a very strong urge to urinate. Now, the next couple of days, but especially the day of the attempt and the day after, should be the worst, hell on earth days of my life. As I experienced during these days almost every symptom of a renal failure.

I had a constant terrorizing strong urge to pee. When I peed, it felt like my bladder would implode. I would wake up multiple times at night because of that strong urge to pee. I had diarrhea for a few days. My body was so weak, I felt like I would collapse every moment. My skin itched horribly. I had constant headaches, muscle spasms, was freezing all the time. I thought now it's really all over.

Now the thing is I already had before problems with my bladder, but they were only psychologically and a symptom of my SAD. For some people, anxiety makes them pee. And for me, that constant urge to pee ruined my life.

On 5th February, by that time most of the renal failure symptoms were gone, but I still made an appointment at my doctor's office telling him of my SN attempt, knowing that it would be a one way ticket to the psych ward. But that's a price I was willing to pay, as I didn't want to end up with permanently damaged kidney's or whatever, even though I was still determined to end my life in that time. In the worst case I would have to undergo dialysis where I would have been catheterized, what I was really afraid of as this is supposed to be very painful, especially for men.

But instead in the dialysis apartment, I immediately ended up in the psychiatry. As I'm from Germany, the psych wards, even the closed ones, aren't nearly such nightmare places as what the American users here described theirs. But I was even luckier with the doctor that I caught. I described her the motivation behind my suicidal tendencies, that I just decided for myself, that living a life with such limitations is just not worth it. And with such a well researched method, (most of them never even heard about Sodium Nitrite) and the fact I came there voluntarily, it was obvious that I wasn't a good fit for the closed one. So that very empathetic doctor send me to an open one with more normal people and less restrictions.

During that three week psych ward stay, I was still using an irritable bladder medication that I already started using shortly before my SN attempt. I got a side effect from it, that made my bladder, and the whole area around it feel kinda numbed, I wouldn't even notice something when I peed, what felt very weird. But because of that numb feeling, I noticed this constant urge to urinate SAD symptom much less, and started behaving more normal and less OCD-like and anxious as I did the 8 years prior. I made because of that, a bigger jump in my mental problems in a few days, than psychotherapy did for me in a year. This is what gave me the hope for my life back.

On 27th February I switched from a full stationary stay to a partial stationary hospital where I would sleep at home and go there in the morning and leave in the evening, like an 9-to-5 job, idk how this is called in English.

On 2nd April I was also released from there, and now I use my new won freedom to do all the things I was excluded off the past 8 years. Getting a job, and hopefully very soon moving out from my toxic family, meeting old friends and see what the world has to offer for me. Though, it's not easy as I still suffer from the anxious bladder and other symptoms, just not that strong like before. And we don't have to start talking about the all the things you miss, when you live in social isolation from age 17 to 24. Plus, the world and its citizens are as shitty as they used to be, as far as I can tell, from my short observations.

Still, I would have never thought that this SN attempt and the psych ward stay would end with, that I try to seriously give my life a second chance. And everything just because of the side effect of a stupid and otherwise useless bladder medication.


The last part of my post, I want to use to thank from the bottom of my heart the user @SofterSoftest and his or her posts in the thread https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-and-brain-damage.95638/ as they were giving me lots of hope and clarity in this really, really horrible few days of my life.

And @tarococo who I stayed in contact with for 2 weeks, a few days before my final SN attempt, until she seemingly vanished. Her WhatsApp is no longer active, so I guess that means it. I'm very sorry you had to take this way, (if you have really taken it) as you were a really great person, that just was forced to live in horrible life circumcisions, that had much more potential and chances to do something out of her life than me.


During my psych ward stay I ordered a new bottle of Sodium Nitrite as I still think it's the best method available. However, after such a horrible experience, I hopefully will never again come to such a desperate point that I will seriously consider taking it, now knowing the consequences if I fail.

Thanks for reading, and feel free to ask me any question you want. Without you guys, I would have probably been left with much bigger scars of my suicidal journey!

Thank you so much for your report here. Very grateful for your accounting. I have severe cognitive impairment so reading and comprehending is difficult for me. Could you summarize in a few sentences why it didn't work for you? You didn't take the recommended Meto, propranolol or benzos, correct? And you didn't take the full 25g dose?
(a soup spoon full should have been enough?!) And your SN could have been degraded from being opened previously, is this correct? And if you didn't take the call from your grandmother you would have taken more of the drink which *might* have been enough to CTB?

 

[johann_liebert]

Thank you so much for your report here. Very grateful for your accounting. I have severe cognitive impairment so reading and comprehending is difficult for me. Could you summarize in a few sentences why it didn't work for you? You didn't take the recommended Meto, propranolol or benzos, correct? And you didn't take the full 25g dose?
(a soup spoon full should have been enough?!) And your SN could have been degraded from being opened previously, is this correct? And if you didn't take the call from your grandmother you would have taken more of the drink which *might* have been enough to CTB?

No problem, I will try to answer your questions in the easiest language possible. That's what I made this thread for after all.

You didn't take the recommended Meto, propranolol or benzos, correct?

I only took what I had access to (vomex against vomiting and ibuprofen against nausea and headache), Propranolol isn't really necessary, but not having access to Meto added to my failure.

you didn't take the full 25g dose?

That's the main reason I failed.

a soup spoon full should have been enough?!

No, that was the total amount I consumed of my shot. I would have needed to drink the whole 40 ml shot to make the attempt deadly.

And your SN could have been degraded from being opened previously, is this correct?

No, as it was only 3 weeks old after opened.

And if you didn't take the call from your grandmother you would have taken more of the drink which *might* have been enough to CTB?

If this phone call or anything else wouldn't have interrupted me, then yes, most likely. Either enough to CTB or end up with even bigger internal injuries.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

No problem, I will try to answer your questions in the easiest language possible. That's what I made this thread for after all.

I only took what I had access to (vomex against vomiting and ibuprofen against nausea and headache), Propranolol isn't really necessary, but not having access to Meto added to my failure.

That's the main reason I failed.

No, that was the total amount I consumed of my shot. I would have needed to drink the whole 40 ml shot to make the attempt deadly.

No, as it was only 3 weeks old after opened.

If this phone call or anything else wouldn't have interrupted me, then yes, most likely. Either enough to CTB or end up with even bigger internal injuries.

Thank you so much. And you didn't vomit at all?

 

[johann_liebert]

Thank you so much. And you didn't vomit at all?

No, but there also wasn't very much SN in my body.

 

[EyesOfNight]

Now that I thought about it, this is a cautionary tale about CTBing in general and not specifically SN.

The thing you are about to do is meant to kill you, it will destroy your body. It's serious.

Here are some examples of what this situation would look like with other methods:
-inhaling a little bit of H2S will destroy your lungs
-slowly inching below a train will cause you to lose a limb
-shooting yourself a little bit will cause you to lose different body functions depending on where you shot

It's important that you commit to whatever you are trying to do. That applies to both CTB and recovery.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

No, but there also wasn't very much SN in my body.

So scary. This is one of my biggest fears about this method. A soup spoonful is about a tablespoon which is about 19g according to the charts I've seen on this site. So you don't think you had 19g ? Seems like that would have been enough...

Now that I thought about it, this is a cautionary tale about CTBing in general and not specifically SN.

The thing you are about to do is meant to kill you, it will destroy your body. It's serious.

Here are some examples of what this situation would look like with other methods:
-inhaling a little bit of H2S will destroy your lungs
-slowly inching below a train will cause you to lose a limb
-shooting yourself a little bit will cause you to lose different body functions depending on where you shot

It's important that you commit to whatever you are trying to do. That applies to both CTB and recovery.

Yes. So terrifying. And living is terrifying.

 

[johann_liebert]

Now that I thought about it, this is a cautionary tale about CTBing in general and not specifically SN.

The thing you are about to do is meant to kill you, it will destroy your body. It's serious.

Here are some examples of what this situation would look like with other methods:
-inhaling a little bit of H2S will destroy your lungs
-slowly inching below a train will cause you to lose a limb
-shooting yourself a little bit will cause you to lose different body functions depending on where you shot

It's important that you commit to whatever you are trying to do. That applies to both CTB and recovery.

-and not taking enough SN is what (temporarily) destroyed my kidneys

It's important that you commit to whatever you are trying to do. That applies to both CTB and recovery.

However, even if you are 100% committed through the entire CTB process, there are still the things that could happen that are outside our circle of influence. As in my case, an unexpected phone call that just completely throw me out.

So scary. This is one of my biggest fears about this method. A soup spoonful is about a tablespoon which is about 19g according to the charts I've seen on this site. So you don't think you had 19g ? Seems like that would have been enough...

I looked up the numbers, a tablespoon is supposed to be 15 ML and a teaspoon 5 ML. After this logic, I would have consumed 1/3 of my SN shot, what I definitely don't. I'd say something between a tea and a tablespoon is what I consumed of my 40 ml shot with 15 gm SN in it.

Yes. So terrifying. And living is terrifying.

Yes, unfortunately. And CTB would be that one final, ultimate fear you have to set yourself out, to end it all.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

-and not taking enough SN is what (temporarily) destroyed my kidneys


However, even if you are 100% committed through the entire CTB process, there are still the things that could happen that are outside our circle of influence. As in my case, an unexpected phone call that just completely throw me out.


I looked up the numbers, a tablespoon is supposed to be 15 ML and a teaspoon 5 ML. After this logic, I would have consumed 1/3 of my SN shot, what I definitely don't. I'd say something between a tea and a tablespoon is what I consumed of my 40 ml shot with 15 gm SN in it.


Yes, unfortunately. And CTB would be that one final, ultimate fear you have to set yourself out, to end it all.

So please bear with me as I struggle to comprehend...you estimate that you only consumed 5 GM of SN? Did you scale measure the 15gm into the 40ml of water?

So please bear with me as I struggle to comprehend...you estimate that you only consumed 5 GM of SN? Did you scale measure the 15gm into the 40ml of water?

And are you a healthy young person? Perhaps also why you were able to get kidney functioning back to normal? This is all so scary to me but I am out of options other than SN. Unfortunately recovery is not an option.

 

[johann_liebert]

So please bear with me as I struggle to comprehend...you estimate that you only consumed 5 GM of SN? Did you scale measure the 15gm into the 40ml of water?

No, I would estimate the amount of SN I consumed at around 2 GM. Yes, I used an up to 0.001g precise scale to weight the SN.

And are you a healthy young person? Perhaps also why you were able to get kidney functioning back to normal? This is all so scary to me but I am out of options other than SN. Unfortunately recovery is not an option.

Physically, yes. Mentally, no. I already had, before the SN attempt, bladder problems. But they were "only" psychological. A stronger urge to pee as a symptom of my social anxiety. But physically, I'm actually a very healthy person. And it's really surprising to me, that those renal failure symptoms all went away by themselves. A urologist did ultrasound on my kidney's and bladder, and claimed everything looked normal.

What happened to me is something that could happen to you, but there are also many cases of failed SN attempts, of people that consumed much more than me, and had to vomit it all out, or changed their mind and called an ambulance and had no such physical injuries from it. My story is just something you can use to decide for yourself, if going through with this method is worth the risk for you.

If you felt like you have done everything to change something about your situation, but you're still completely stuck in a tunnel, then yeah, not continuing this exists may be the better option. That's how I felt when I tried to CTB. But in retrospect, I haven't done so much and that big jump I made on my OCD and anxiety symptoms while I was in the hospital is, what ultimately changed my mind. Plus, dying turned out to be, just as difficult as living.