Venting High School Ruined Me.

[vanillamilkshakes]

I miss the simplicity of who I used to be, or who I could have been.

I feel high school stripped me of all my 'good qualities'. I always hung out with the wrong people, I had 'friends' but I never truly connected with anyone there, which left me feeling like an outcast despite being 'known', that feeling still lingers. I wish I hadn't been so blinded by the opportunity of being 'popular', it seems so pointless now, and I haven't spoken to any of my old friends since the day I graduated.

I wish I'd tried to find my own people, or tried harder, not constantly disappointed my parents and wasted time by 'fooling around.'

 

[claracatchingthebus]

Even if you completely fucked up high school, people go to JCs and transfer to 4 year colleges that are good and graduate. Are you meaning school when you say fucking up?

You could also just try to open your own business.

 

[Liebestod]

I hated high school but actually miss it now and I graduated back in June.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Even if you completely fucked up high school, people go to JCs and transfer to 4 year colleges that are good and graduate. Are you meaning school when you say fucking up?

You could also just try to open your own business.

Thank you for your ideas, but I ended up not going to college for personal reasons. I meant more that high school ruined my mental health, and that the effects still linger.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

For me it was college. I was around so many brilliant kids. I started believing I was smart and quit my sport, the one thing I had going for me. Life ruined right there.

 

[Irisse]

It was awful for me as well. Four years that I'll never get back, wasted.
What did you mean when you said that you wished you tried harder? Does it mean you wished you had better grades? As for the social aspect, many friendships in my high school social circle fell apart as soon as high school ended. Lots of such friendships don't last. Though I do understand the feeling of loneliness.

 

[webb&flow]

Even if you completely fucked up high school, people go to JCs and transfer to 4 year colleges that are good and graduate. Are you meaning school when you say fucking up?

You could also just try to open your own business.

I assume this is what you mean by JCs

Junior college - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Michelstaedter]

I don't think you hung out with the wrong people. I mean, I get the feeling that the same thing happened to me, and in theory I hung out with nice people, but they went their separate ways and some got along better with others, so much so that they could still maintain that friendship after more than 10 years.

I met a guy who, in turn, met a girl (actually, I'd known her since high school) and they were a couple for about 12-13 years. However, the guy has had a more complex life and even told me one day that in that sense I was similar to him in terms of my outlook on life (pessimism, nihilism, depression, etc.). I made the mistake of saying some things I shouldn't have said one day when we were going to meet up to hang out. In short, my stupidity drove me away from him, since I never spoke to him in the same way again.

I recently happened to see him with a girl who seemed to be his girlfriend (they were holding hands), and I even thought it wasn't him because he looked different (I hadn't seen him in 7 years). I was skeptical, but I also didn't want him to see me since I was embarrassed about saying something I shouldn't have. I thought that deep down, he should be happy with his life, having good friends, a girlfriend, and even if he's going through a rough patch, he should keep living. Why the hell would he want to be around someone who wants to kill themselves? lol

I'm sorry high school was like that for you. When you're young, you sometimes have things on your mind that excite you and lead you down a path that seems appealing. I regret ever trying to get a girlfriend, seeking female affection as if it were water in the desert. If it hadn't been for that, maybe I'd be less suicidal now, but oh well, it doesn't matter. I enjoyed having my pets close to me throughout their lives and it was a beautiful stage, instead of living a normal sexuality and social life that would naturally have led me in another direction and therefore not to have given so much emphasis to what I experienced with the "little boys" as I referred to my rabbits. I don't regret that, I would do it again, but what I wouldn't do again is try to have a girlfriend, think about making friends or "being normal".