I was a speaker during an alumni event at my high school. I talked about my accomplishments, which by that time where considerable given my young age (26) – finishing one of the best universities in the world, getting a significant international award for my research in Africa, working in a high position in a global finance institution and being an advisor to the government. These were probably the reasons why they invited me. However, I tried drilling into their current cohort heads that the most important question you need to answer in your life is "who am I"?
I told them that school is the time for self-discovery, experimentation, finding what you enjoy and what you are good at. Not excelling for the sake of excelling and meeting some external expectations or otherwise extrinsic measures of success will make you successful. You are successful when you know who you are and with that stable base you can contribute the most – and what that most is? Being happy in your life and radiating this joy. This spills over other people and this world. No fancy degree, no high-powered position, no amount of likes on Instagram, nothing about your looks can make up for that.
Aside from educational and professional successes I had long-term relationships with amazing women, I know what love and commitment is, I had friends, I travelled half the world, pretty much anything most people looking from the outside would want.
But I was in agony for as long as I can remember. Anhedonia, depression (which I "managed" with alcohol), growing anxiety issues and overall despair. All this eventually brought me to a complete breakdown, multiple psychiatric diagnoses and now I find myself on a coach in my childhood home feeling like a complete failure with no idea what to do with my life next. I have no idea who I am or what I like, because I pursued other people's dreams. Don't ever do that, there is a time in your life to fully focus on yourself, to discover what your dreams are.
Never envy other people or wish to swap places with them. Anyone can find a purpose in their lives (obviously I am preaching to a privileged enough crowd), focus on that.
The status games we play have become extremely difficult with the abundance of seemingly successful people putting themselves on display on the Internet. Just the other day I was walking past a football pitch and saw some young boys playing there. I remember the time when I was a kid and feeling like someone meant to score that one goal and being the local hero. As I was growing up I realised that to be someone, to prove something to my emotionally distant parents I'd have to achieve success on a level that would require me to abandon myself completely. And I did. I succeeded for a time, but in the end burnt out to the point my soul doesn't even want to be in my body anymore.
Focus on yourself, if you can't answer the question "Who am I?" and you still have the energy and means to explore that question then please do. Forget about "What I should do to be successful like XYZ?". When you know who you are and find your interests and passion the rest will follow. And even if it's not commercial success then I guarantee you won't feel like you wasted your life.
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