ive known the boy ive been with since i was 18, im almost 21 now. but i found out he was cheating on me our entire relationship with someone he's known since he was 15. i feel so defeated especially because ive already been severely depressed. im angry because all i asked for was honesty when i was suspicious. now he is with the girl he was messing with since we been together. i wanted to only be with one person my entire life and it feels like he ripped it away from me. why did he beg for me to stay with him days prior.. he left me when my family left town and i had to handle the downfall alone. he knew ive harmed myself and tried to take my life in the past. the girl he was messing with messaged me and i found out he lied to me about everything ( yet this is the girl that stayed with him after finding out) why do i care if they work out or not? how could they after this? anyways, i didnt even wanna love him in the first place because i was scared of exactly this. he really was the only one in my eyes. i never even thought of anyone else for a split second. he promised me he wouldnt leave me like this but he did. i already wanted to die but this makes it sooooo much harder to keep going. i havent looked at his shit because now that girl is posted everywhere. he was my bestfriend. i feel like this changed me as a person. how could he lie to me for that long?.. why wasnt i good enough? him literally choosing another girl infront of me makes me wanna peel my skin off with a razor. just want to know how u can fuck up someone like this. i didnt talk about my mental health around him and he told me i made him happy. he acted like i was perfect and even said "i choose you, nobody else" my heart is heavy, if i dont die i dont want this to fucking mentally ruin me. i dont know how i could ever trust someeone again. i cant eat or sleep since i found everything out. the universe wants me to suffer lol.
Cat Stevens was right "The First Cut Is The Deepest"
i've also found "You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens" - Rumi
is also true.
There seems to be two types of people in life those who remain bitter and those who strive to be better. Only you can decide which type of person you'd like to be.
Striving to be better is painful, you have to dig deep and embrace ugly truths.
my heart is beyond repair and i have no intention to ever attempt to mend it. It's better broken. It's also wise to keep it broken if you think about it, since people can't break something that's already broken. i've reached a point where i have either nothing but love for others (with all the pieces of my broken heart) or have nothing at all for them. It's mainly people who won't change and/or don't see an issue with mistreating others, that i have nothing at all for.
It took me many years to realise ugly truths. In the past i would (unintentionally) take baggage into new relationships. How i've managed to trust others is rather simple. i call out my hypocrisy. People are unique to some extent, so i strive to judge people based on their own merits.
i know i don't like it when i have to suffer because of someone else. i wouldn't like to be seen as untrustworthy because someone i didn't even know did something i wouldn't have. So how could i keep others distant and assume they're going to break my trust, without being a hypocrite? i couldn't. With that in mind it's much easier to treat people in a way that i'd like to be/have been treated.
In my last relationship i finally understood what love really is. i used to (wrongly) believe that i was in love with people in past relationships, but looking back i clearly mustn't have. It's no wonder them relationships were doomed to fail.
"when perfection comes, the imperfect will disappear" - 1 Corinthians 13:10
i highly recommend reading all of 1 Corinthians 13 as it describes true love pretty well.
When you look and listen to people talk about "heartbreak" you'll notice it's often the same old story. i didn't realise until i questioned why i was hurt so much after a toxic relationshit. i knew for a fact i was better off without them. i knew they weren't the person they initially presented to be, yet i was still hurt. After afew days i realised it wasn't heartbreak at all. i was hurt since she hurt my pride.
Once i became aware of that fact i was able to realise how toxic pride is and the cost in having pride. It often leaves people with nothing. Ever since then have attempted to keep it destroyed and out of my existence since it would only ever get in the way and wouldn't be worth the cost.
Once i recognised the part it played in my existence it became crystal clear the part it played in other peoples lives and what it cost them.
That Rumi quote above is correct. When completely heart broken you're able to completely love freely. pride doesn't get in the way.
Back to 1 Corinthians 13, "love is selfless" and "it is not proud" it's impossible to completely love someone 100% when pride is in the picture. Pride is 100% selfish. Your ex was selfish which is how he was able to hurt you so easily. His pride would have told him he deserves more than he had. pride often tell people they're worth more than they're entitled to.
Once you recognise pride you notice the same old story over and over. You notice there isn't "7 deadly sins" pride is the main cause of the other 6 "deadly sins"
You don't need to tell me or anyone the answer but it's worth asking yourself if you completely loved your ex? Was your pride absent? When you completely love someone that persons happiness is paramount. The wants and needs of the loved matter most even when detrimentally to the person loving.
True love is unconditional, it doesn't need to be reciprocated, it doesn't even need to be acknowledged. it doesn't need anything in return.
If it's so easy to take away from someone if they don't meet certain conditions that isn't true love.
When you truly love someone, their happiness matters more than your own. Would you want someone to remain with you if they weren't happy? Would you feel loved if someone wanted you to stay with them if it cost your happiness? It works both ways.
Here's the bitter pill to swallow (most people seem to avoid accepting this harsh reality. They can spend their lifetime miserably trying to avoid the fact)
pride lies, we aren't entitled to anything. The only thing promised to us is an eventual death. That's it. pride tells people they're special, they deserve more, they're actually entitled, what they shouldn't put up with, etc.
It lies, it isn't factual whatsoever. A persons individual thoughts and feelings are worth the same as everyone else's. Who's to say they're even worth more than an animals? peoples pride is problematic and has been throughout history.
We all have a finite amount of time here, what makes someone feel entitled to have someone else sacrifice their lives, their thoughts and feelings for the sake of someone else?
i hope this information will be more helpful than it will be hurtful.
