can this be the last time i cry about my boyfriend?

[notevenhere]

it's the last day of june. he doesn't even remember our monthly anniversary date which is the 28th, instead: he broke up with me and i spent until six am convincing him not to.

have i not shed enough tears, already? he's fucking sleeping without a care in the world and is only staying with me so i don't kill myself. he doesn't care if im crying or slashing my wrists or doing drugs or drinking so much, or throwing my life away, he just needs me alive and for what reason? out of guilt? that he cares for me? he said he's dumping me for my sake because this can't go on but he just can't seem to swallow his pride and be a good fucking boyfriend. he's done good to me, he buys me little trinkets and he also pays for my meds when i'm sick but i wanna ask him right now if he even remembers anything about me, if he even still wears the bracelet i gave him?

i've been so, so patient with him, and his depression, his sleeping habits, his sztypd but he just gives him more fuel to diminish my feelings, to invalidate how i feel, how im playing victim when all i wanted was reassurance, that whatever i feel or think in my head is stupid and retarded, so why would he be with a partner that he thinks is retarded?

we don't call anymore, we don't even text as much, the next time we see each other will be the last bc he's returning my things.

i guess that's going to be the day i die. it sucks to be so unloved despite me trying. i don't blame him, i think every man has his flaw and they can be undatable but all i ever asked of him was to make me feel loved or set time for me? he thinks im using him for his money, i gave him my switch lite and two games, i was gonna buy him a game but he won't let me. he always does not let me and he comes back to my face all i do is take and take and take. it's unfair, why does he have to be so cruel? you know, i think it's a prejudice for the fact he found out i have bpd so he just sees me as my mental illness. im fucking sobbing and crying here and he doesn't care. he thinks im exaggerating everything. i wish i could feel nothing at all.

im cutting everything out that has to do with him. i will not talk to any of his friends and act like he never existed, thats what he would have wanted. he's doing the same for me. but my suicide note is just a letter to him.

i hope he reads it, like it's one final act of love or something. i have nothing and nowhere to run to. i already blocked him everywhere i could find, i deleted his solo photos taken by me on my phone, the clips and videos of us together, idk if i am ready to go through that, i saw a screenshot from november 2024 and i broke down into tears, he has the capacity to actually be sweet and loving. he chooses not to

 

[sickgirlzis]

im so sorry that someone you love has treated you like this :( dont waste your emotions on someone who doesnt show that they care. i know its hard, but if you feel the need to let this person go then do it! theres no use being stuck in a relationship with one sided love. the first few days are the hardest, but it gets easier after that. your emotional well-being is so much more important than a relationship; they come and go. i hope you feel better!

 

[Climber]

it's the last day of june. he doesn't even remember our monthly anniversary date which is the 28th, instead: he broke up with me and i spent until six am convincing him not to.

have i not shed enough tears, already? he's fucking sleeping without a care in the world and is only staying with me so i don't kill myself. he doesn't care if im crying or slashing my wrists or doing drugs or drinking so much, or throwing my life away, he just needs me alive and for what reason? out of guilt? that he cares for me? he said he's dumping me for my sake because this can't go on but he just can't seem to swallow his pride and be a good fucking boyfriend. he's done good to me, he buys me little trinkets and he also pays for my meds when i'm sick but i wanna ask him right now if he even remembers anything about me, if he even still wears the bracelet i gave him?

i've been so, so patient with him, and his depression, his sleeping habits, his sztypd but he just gives him more fuel to diminish my feelings, to invalidate how i feel, how im playing victim when all i wanted was reassurance, that whatever i feel or think in my head is stupid and retarded, so why would he be with a partner that he thinks is retarded?

we don't call anymore, we don't even text as much, the next time we see each other will be the last bc he's returning my things.

i guess that's going to be the day i die. it sucks to be so unloved despite me trying. i don't blame him, i think every man has his flaw and they can be undatable but all i ever asked of him was to make me feel loved or set time for me? he thinks im using him for his money, i gave him my switch lite and two games, i was gonna buy him a game but he won't let me. he always does not let me and he comes back to my face all i do is take and take and take. it's unfair, why does he have to be so cruel? you know, i think it's a prejudice for the fact he found out i have bpd so he just sees me as my mental illness. im fucking sobbing and crying here and he doesn't care. he thinks im exaggerating everything. i wish i could feel nothing at all.

im cutting everything out that has to do with him. i will not talk to any of his friends and act like he never existed, thats what he would have wanted. he's doing the same for me. but my suicide note is just a letter to him.

i hope he reads it, like it's one final act of love or something. i have nothing and nowhere to run to. i already blocked him everywhere i could find, i deleted his solo photos taken by me on my phone, the clips and videos of us together, idk if i am ready to go through that, i saw a screenshot from november 2024 and i broke down into tears, he has the capacity to actually be sweet and loving. he chooses not to

I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm also going through these emotions. It's like my whole world disappeared and the sky turned gray ever since that day.

I hope you can find comfort. You've done nothing wrong, you deserve reassurance and to be prioritized and you are not at fault for your mental illness.

I was depressed and undiagnosed and somehow pushed my ex away, and I live everyday with that consequence. I won't ever forgive myself or be happy without her but I hope she finds happiness with someone else.

In the same sense, you've done nothing wrong. You've tried, you've put in effort and love. You are capable of loving and being loved and you deserve someone who gives back. Who makes you feel seen.