[Goodbye] - Entering my Kingdom, Long May I Reign

[Polka]

What is it about the consequences of your looks that bothers you? Lack of validation, attention, ability to attract a very attractive partner?

Eventually, beauty fades so in a sense you are dealing with matters that everyone has to face. As a woman you will still have many, many options
for a partner if that is what you want just because you are a woman. This is how it is.

 

[PwincessStepford]

What is it about the consequences of your looks that bothers you? Lack of validation, attention, ability to attract a very attractive partner?

Eventually, beauty fades so in a sense you are dealing with matters that everyone has to face. As a woman you will still have many, many options
for a partner if that is what you want just because you are a woman. This is how it is.

Personally, it's the inability to attract a partner. I'm not attracted to conventionally attractive men, but I'm attracted to like, 130+ IQ men, but regardless, men care about a woman's looks. I do not know a single male that would date a woman he finds unattractive.

That said, my existential issues are the main reason for ctb'ing.

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

I'm going to be sad to see you go, Pwincess. I know we've only interacted a bit but I really enjoyed when we did. You are such a kind, intelligent, and compassionate person. I am glad that I had the chance to cross paths with you, albeit very briefly. I'll most likely be at work when you go tonight, but I'll try to pop in when I can if possible. I hope you find the peace you seek. I will be sending you my hugs, love, and positive energy. Oh, and I will be mentally sending you my giant rainbow unicorn plushie for support because I think we might share a common interest in plushies, but I never got around to asking. Rest easy, sweet girl.

 

[jade]

good luck, may you have a peaceful passing and wake up in a world where everything you dream of awaits you. sending you lots of hugs and support.

 

[TheLastGoodbye]

Sorry life hasn't been good to you. I hope you find the peace you're looking for.

 

[jgm63]

If you decide to proceed, then I wish you a safe onward journey

 

[Naysha]

Sorry, but appearance does matter, it matters a lot. It matters more now today, than it ever did before. No one puts beautiful people on a pedestal willfully, it's a subconsicous drive to put them on a pedestal (for most people). The people who are being discriminatory and prejudiced towards unattractive people don't even know they're being that way. Being beautiful is a massively underrated privilege, it doesn't devalue your suffering, but it is better to be attractive than to be unattractive or average.



To the OP: I wish you peace.

If you are celebrity then maybe, I knew plenty of people who were beautiful and it did jacks***it for them. Including me. Sorry I just have to disagree.

 

[Intelligent Ape]

So, we'll go no more a roving
So late into the night,
Though the heart be still as loving,
And the moon be still as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath,
And the soul wears out the breast,
And the heart must pause to breathe,
And love itself have rest.

Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,
Yet we'll go no more a roving
By the light of the moon.



P.S. I respect your decision but you are not old and if you want you can postpone it. Work out, plastic surgery, clothers - you can try these opportunities. I don't want to lie that it will change a lot, but it can make your final act more aestetic. Regardless of your decision I wish you peace

 

[Jean4]

Personally, it's the inability to attract a partner. I'm not attracted to conventionally attractive men, but I'm attracted to like, 130+ IQ men, but regardless, men care about a woman's looks. I do not know a single male that would date a woman he finds unattractive.

That said, my existential issues are the main reason for ctb'ing.

I was 51 years old, when I met Stan here. He was the most intelligent man I knew. It was his writing here that got me hooked on him. I had no clue what he looked like or even his age.

If you read my story, I spent hours getting ready for our first date. I thought he would find me ugly. Remember, I'm 51. He would be my first serious.

Guess what. Looks didn't matter to him. The fact that I had an oxygen cannula on didn't bother him. The fact that I felt incompetent next to his intelligence didn't bother him.

I am not telling you what to do, but I disagree. With a man of substance, looks do not matter. There is no way anybody could find a person on Oxygen, bed bound attractive. Yet, Stan loved me for me.

Don't sell yourself short.

 

[Flippy]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down and trapped that you want to ctb. I know how lonely it can be when you can't find a partner, I found it very hard too. You mentioned that you are attracted to intelligent men. The thing about intelligent people is that they (not always but...) fairly often tend to be quite shy due to over thinking or worrying. There may be a guy that really likes you but over thinks and is afraid of rejection. I hope that you will reconsider, you aren't obliged to go through with it. I would imagine if you are attracted to intelligent people, you are likely rather intelligent yourself. You have likely experienced the same fear of rejection when you meet someone you like a lot. I'm not at my best today myself and I'm struggling to string this post together. I just hope what I've written makes some sense to you.

 

[Jean4]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down and trapped that you want to ctb. I know how lonely it can be when you can't find a partner, I found it very hard too. You mentioned that you are attracted to intelligent men. The thing about intelligent people is that they (not always but...) fairly often tend to be quite shy due to over thinking or worrying. There may be a guy that really likes you but over thinks and is afraid of rejection. I hope that you will reconsider, you aren't obliged to go through with it. I would imagine if you are attracted to intelligent people, you are likely rather intelligent yourself. You have likely experienced the same fear of rejection when you meet someone you like a lot. I'm not at my best today myself and I'm struggling to string this post together. I just hope what I've written makes some sense to you.

You just described my partner who said he was 95% logical and 5% emotional. Dealing with emotions is not his thing. If I didn't get up the guts to contact him first and clumsily make the first move, he never would have. He had lower self esteem than I do if that is even possible.

I have always been rejected. It's second nature. I figured I would try one more time. What the heck. I am going to CTB anyway. I made a complete fool out of myself with him, but it worked out.

 

[Flippy]

You just described my partner who said he was 95% logical and 5% emotional. Dealing with emotions is not his thing. If I didn't get up the guts to contact him first and clumsily make the first move, he never would have. He had lower self esteem than I do if that is even possible.

I have always been rejected. It's second nature. I figured I would try one more time. What the heck. I am going to CTB anyway. I made a complete fool out of myself with him, but it worked out.

I guess I'm drawing from my own personal experience to an extent. When I was younger I constantly under estimated myself. Sometimes I could get up the nerve to talk to a girl I liked and manage a decent conversation. What I couldn't do was make the quantum leap to asking them out. With age often comes wisdom and now I realise I missed so many opportunities as my brain did everything it could to persuade me I didn't stand a chance and I constantly feared rejection. I have often found that self esteem is inversely proportionate to high intelligence. Sadly.

 

[PwincessStepford]

So, we'll go no more a roving
So late into the night,
Though the heart be still as loving,
And the moon be still as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath,
And the soul wears out the breast,
And the heart must pause to breathe,
And love itself have rest.

Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,
Yet we'll go no more a roving
By the light of the moon.



P.S. I respect your decision but you are not old and if you want you can postpone it. Work out, plastic surgery, clothers - you can try these opportunities. I don't want to lie that it will change a lot, but it can make your final act more aestetic. Regardless of your decision I wish you peace

I did have plastic surgery, but my results didn't come out good. My surgeon left my nose crooked (it wasn't that way before surgery) and my boobs too large. I wasted $14K. I would want to redo it, but I have negative money from student debt :^)
...

Also, as an update to whomever is reading this, tonight is the night, and I still plan on going forth with my plans. I was a little nervous yesterday, but by yesterday night, I was at peace with my decision.

 

[Flippy]

I feel hypocritical as I feel sure I will ctb at some point. I wish there was something I could say to make you reconsider or postpone. Is there anything in your life that brings you joy at all? If there is can you not try to hold on to that?

 

[jgm63]

If you choose to proceed, then once again wishing you safe travels....
Personally, I do believe in an afterlife, and I think you are heading somewhere beautiful

 

[PwincessStepford]

I feel hypocritical as I feel sure I will ctb at some point. I wish there was something I could say to make you reconsider or postpone. Is there anything in your life that brings you joy at all? If there is can you not try to hold on to that?

There is actually..there is one thing actually: my cat. I've written a post on her before, and she makes it incredibly difficult to leave because she is the only thing in this world that I love right now. But unfortunately, it isn't enough, and I don't see happiness as a counterargument to my existential dread >.<

I'm going to be sad to see you go, Pwincess. I know we've only interacted a bit but I really enjoyed when we did. You are such a kind, intelligent, and compassionate person. I am glad that I had the chance to cross paths with you, albeit very briefly. I'll most likely be at work when you go tonight, but I'll try to pop in when I can if possible. I hope you find the peace you seek. I will be sending you my hugs, love, and positive energy. Oh, and I will be mentally sending you my giant rainbow unicorn plushie for support because I think we might share a common interest in plushies, but I never got around to asking. Rest easy, sweet girl. ❤

The idea of that unicorn makes me so hoppi :3!! I certainly love plushies! I was thinking about cuddling with one as I passed, but thank you so much!

 

[Flippy]

I have a cat! I got him when he was a kitten. I love him so much, I got him when I was in a awful depression. I think he probably saved my life. I've probably coddled him too much and he's very affectionate and follows me around everywhere. I'm told that when I leave the house he gets upset and howls. I had no idea he got so distressed when I'm not around. He's probably one of the things that are keeping me going right now.

 

[Defenestrator]

There is actually..there is one thing actually: my cat. I've written a post on her before, and she makes it incredibly difficult to leave because she is the only thing in this world that I love right now. But unfortunately, it isn't enough, and I don't see happiness as a counterargument to my existential dread >.<

Do you have anything in place for your cat? Like, she won't be alone for too long? Sorry to sound cold, as I'd rather you didn't have to ctb and I realise you must really love your cat.

 

[PwincessStepford]

I have a cat! I got him when he was a kitten. I love him so much, I got him when I was in a awful depression. I think he probably saved my life. I've probably coddled him too much and he's very affectionate and follows me around everywhere. I'm told that when I leave the house he gets upset and howls. I had no idea he got so distressed when I'm not around. He's probably one of the things that are keeping me going right now.

Yep yep..I have another cat that I don't really care about that much lol..but this one is emotionally dependent on me. She follows me around my house 24/7 too!! And she gets upset and meows when I do so much as closing the bathroom door. She's definitely been my support animal for a while..it's very hard to cope with the fact that her quality of life will drop after my passing (though I hope not too much)

Do you have anything in place for your cat? Like, she won't be alone for too long? Sorry to sound cold, as I'd rather you didn't have to ctb and I realise you must really love your cat.

I live with my family, and I know they'll probably find my body within 24 hours at the least >.< it's not cold at all, it's understandable. I do really love her; she's the only one I love in this world.

btw, I love your username

 

[Flippy]

When I've been thinking of ctb I think about my cat, I think he will be ok then I wonder if he will. Maybe he couldn't understand why I'm not around any more. There are worse things than cats to hold on for :-) in my case I think they make a very good reason to stay around :-)

 

[Nemeshisu]

Well, I hope you will be able to become the princess that you always wanted to be in afterlife...Or that you atleast will find peace. I always enjoyed reading your posts on this forum. It's sad that you want to die because you wasn't able to find love. Again, I wish you good luck, and hope that your dreams may come true in afterlife

 

[Intelligent Ape]

I did have plastic surgery, but my results didn't come out good. My surgeon left my nose crooked (it wasn't that way before surgery) and my boobs too large. I wasted $14K. I would want to redo it, but I have negative money from student debt :^)

Oh, those doctors...
I wish you a good journey, little princess

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I wish you could turn away from this Pwincess. You are so young.
I hated the way I looked at your age, I still do in an objective sense, but I learned to live with it and by the time I hit 40 I had become a confident person despite any looks disadvantage. And confidence is attractive. I wish you would reconsider.
But it is your choice and I cannot know your mind. I wish you well whatever you decide.

 

[Flippy]

It looks like it says under your avatar that you are 21? I don't tend to talk about but when I was 21 I had terrible acne. It started when I was about 15 and continued well into my 20s. It really damaged my self esteem on top of years of other misery I went through, having to wear this horrible condition on my face was soul destroying. Besides that it left me with bad scars. I attempted to ctb several times and failed. Eventually I managed to find a way to rid of it but I still had issues. I couldn't look at mirrors or shiny reflective surfaces or I felt really distressed in strong light. I eventually paid thousands to get laser skin resurfacing. I'm still uncomfortable about catching a glimpse of myself in clothes shops for example. My skin looks a lot better and I feel less bothered by it. But sometimes I still think it looks bad even though people say it looks fine. It's probably some kind of body dimorphic disorder I have. Anyway, I did eventually meet someone who seems to love me (god know why) despite my flaws. I would never have thought it possible at 21. I may be suffering from depression and feeling a strong urge to ctb at times but it's for different reasons now. Things can get better even if it looks impossible from where you are right now.

 

[MysticPerception]

I got really afraid when the site was being changed and I couldn't post that I would miss my chance to say anything. I don't even know you personally but I've seen your posts a lot while lurking and after I've made an account and I say that I understand your existential dread. I'm sorry you have to say goodbye so early in your life but not wanting to continue it is perfectly reasonable with the way you think and feel. I hope you get your kingdom and your unicorn and anything else you could hopefully want. I hope if there is an afterlife that it's satisfying and gives you a good reason to exist rather than nothing. Good luck, if your kingdom becomes real I'm gonna have to stop by and visit for sure at some point.

 

[Emily123]

I did have plastic surgery, but my results didn't come out good. My surgeon left my nose crooked (it wasn't that way before surgery) and my boobs too large. I wasted $14K. I would want to redo it, but I have negative money from student debt :^)
...

Also, as an update to whomever is reading this, tonight is the night, and I still plan on going forth with my plans. I was a little nervous yesterday, but by yesterday night, I was at peace with my decision.

You know that I want to ctb for the same reason . But please consider that the damages of surgeries on my body are irreversible . I don't have money to pay for another surgery but even if I had all the money , surgeons can not fix me(The damage is on my bones) . If you are not happy about the results of your rionioplasty and breast augmentation urgery , there is still too much chance that a good surgeon can fix it . You can save money to do it in future or you can find cheap options overseas(But you need to do too much reasearch about it. You can find very good world class affordable surgeons for rionioplasty or BA in Turkey or Iran ) . Please also consider that I am a transgender . My primary problem is not I look ugly . People read my face and body as a man and it is really torturing me . I was even happy even if after those surgeries and damages , at least I looked like an ugly female . My appearance affects my life . nobody likes to be in relationship wth me . people don't give me a job . There were even cases that people attacked me in the street for no reaon .
Nobody can understand your pains and it may be the best thing that you ctb tonight . Please just consider that there are some people that their wish is your existing situation and they cann't do anything to relieve the pain .

 

[BabyYoda]

I wish I could CTB for the same reason. I myself am not attractive and no one wants to date me. Sorry for the late reply because the site was broken for a while. I wish you a safe journey to your kingdom

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

From one princess to another, may you ascend with grace, strength and the love of all of us.

I feel compelled to mention that I met my husband at age 35, married him at 38. He adores me in a way I'm sure I don't deserve and my rougher, early days have seemed so less important.

If anything changes, we'll be here.

 

[PwincessStepford]

I can't wait until tonight. I'm preparing my SN now.

Too sad to listen to any Disney music, but I'm listening to "Do You Feel It" by Chaos Chaos. Rick and Morty always had a special place in my heart.

 

[Carina]

We're here for you, even if just in thought!