Venting Needing to be 21 to buy a gun in NY

[m3nhera]

I'm such an idiot for not doing more research. I live in New York and I know gun laws are stricter here, but I always hear the quote about this country that you can buy a gun at 18 but can't drink until 21 lol. So anyways after a lot of thinking, I had the idea that I could just get a gun permit and buy one since I'm 18 and I thought it was the legal age for one, and also after discovering handguns are only a few hundred dollars. I could save up enough from work.

I have been doing REALLY bad lately(don't want to get into this for now) and this gave me hope. I just need to get the permit and be patient and pay and then I can have peace. I'm scared of shooting myself but I realized it's the most reliable option compared to other possibilities for me. So this is the only way.

I decided to look more into state laws if I really want to do this, only to discover you have to be 21 to buy a gun here. This genuinely upset me so much I can't stop crying and I feel so overwhelmed and in pain I'm in so much pain I need it to stop all of it

Also not to get political but ironically I do support gun control laws and all that, like politically I support these policies but personally I hate it because it's literally getting in my way. I realize these types of situations are part of why these laws exist to begin with. I don't want to end up doing something more drastic like stabbing myself over this, I don't want to but if I can't shoot myself I feel so helpless.

I might not have done it anyway but it's just the fact I don't even have the option that upsets me. We all have certain fantasies that we know will PROBABLY never happen, but once that's confirmed it's a far worse feeling because there's no hope anymore.

I really can't wait three more years. I can't do this. I'm running out of options, maybe I should go back to the doctor but they can't help me, no one can. I have to do this eventually, it's the only way.

I sometimes feel like my brain is really sick/infected or poisoned somehow, but maybe this isn't the case at all. Maybe this is just the truth because the truth is sometimes harder to accept than fooling yourself into thinking other things. Maybe I'm not sick and suicide is just destined for me, just like how some people are destined to be artists or singers or astronauts or engineers, etc.

I don't know what I really want from this post. What I really want to hear is "This isn't true!!! You can totally buy a gun at 18 in New York!!!" I'm still in denial.

So if you guys can't say that, I guess what I want from this post then is some comfort. I've been really really down lately, and I want someone to understand why this is so upsetting because I feel so dramatic. The state known for strict gun laws has strict gun laws? Shocker. I don't know why I expected things to be easier. I need to find another way to ctb that will actually work. Life is so painful and hopeless :(

Obviously I don't want to do this to my bf either but nothing can help me it's all pointless, any attempts at feeling better are only delaying the inevitable. And I've known this since I was a child, I just couldn't accept living such a sad, pathetic life and then dying before making things better and making something out of myself. And leaving behind all the people and things I love.

I used to have a lot of passions for things like art and fashion and cosplay and such, I still do but I can barely heg out of bed, let alone get dolled up or anything like that. I recently got some wigs. They're cool and I wish things were different because I won't get to wear them for very long if I die later this year. But college starts in August so it ruins everything it's too early ugh. I wanted to die before college but that's not enough time it's too early I can't.

Can someone comfort me please? I don't want to burden my bf with this stuff since he comforts and loves me enough, I feel sad that he might not be able to prevent my suicide if I want it bad enough, because none of this is his fault. He keeps making me second guess, maybe I really should see a doctor about this but I'll just get locked away if I admit how I feel and my plans.

I love him very much, he is the light at the end of the tunnel. I miss him too.

I've been forced on a long roadtrip with family but that's a rant for another time.

 

[ButterToast]

False sense of hope has always been one of the worse feeling a person could ever feel, feeling that "your only escape is gone" is torturous when people come under that realization. The feeling of "I could CBT any time with a gun!" and only to have that method "taken away" when you're in rough shape is upsetting and extremely painful. You're already being beaten by life, being dragged into an inescapable hole of hopelessness for too long. For years, you experience a lof of "ups and downs", but in the end, you look back and feel like those "ups" are only there to give you a false sense of hope only to be dragged again into a deeper hole by reality. And when you want to end it for good, life said no, and you don't only feel like you've hit rock bottom, but also fooled, tricked, and STUCK.

Of course anyone in that situation will be scarred. It is essentially mental torture, not counting the horrible things life and people in your life has done to you.

Sorry if this creeps you out, when I saw this post, I got a sense that I need to know your story a bit so I look at some of your past posts.

I find that you're a sweet girl who also cares a lot about others. You have a loving bf and good friends that you're scared of leaving because you might hurt them. You mentioned that CTB after starting a job when someone else could get it or the store needed more time to hire someone else shows that you DO care about other people. A lot, including strangers, which is a true sign of empathy. You really are a sweet, kind, and caring person.

Despite having a family that constantly step on you, wear you down, and even abusing you on both psychological and psyhical level; you managed to keep loving and caring for people who are innocent, including strangers. I really wish more people with such a kind heart like you exist in this world. I really do.

I find it genuinely heartbreaking to hear about your story and struggle, because I can see the spark in your eyes, there's a part of you that still wants to live, still wants to live a good life, and still has passions like any other person does. And you experienced horrible things you do NOT deserve at a young age; I personally hold the position, that people who hurt children are the worst. You're now an adult yes, but we all are too aware how childhood experiences can shape someone. It is not your fault to be feeling sad, depressed, or wanting to CBT, nor to experience all those fantasies and desire you have. No one wants to die, they're forcefully driven to wanting it.

You're someone with hopes and dreams, with interests and passions, a girl who wants to live a peaceful life. Yet, life says no and throws you into hell, and it's not your fault if that experience changed you. You feel stuck, betrayed, hopeless, and in pain. So much pain. You don't know if you should continue living or not, because to continue living means to voluntarily sign up for an unknown amount of torture. But to die means you may leave the few people who genuinely means a lot and have done a lot for you, your bf and friends. And even if you decide not to continue, the barrier is so high, it left you stuck and hopeless.

Living is a voluntary choice, and you reserve the right to do whatever with that. Your friends and bf are genuinely sweet, and I get you feel bad about the idea of leaving them, but I'm sure they will understand given enough time. Even if you decide to catch the bus, I'm sure you'll live in their memory and they'll still love you even from the other side. I'm sure you've given enough good memories and that will live forever in their mind, and I'm sure that they can find peace after the realization that you are no longer in constant pain.

OP, I wish you the best life, I hope you can live your life and not experience pain and suffering, and I hope that life will come sooner than later. However, I respect your right to opt-out from this reality called life. And if you do, I hope you can find peace knowing that you've done a lot for others, you've shown kindness to others, you've shown empathy to people on this site, and that everyone will be grateful for having been able to know you.

Because you mean a lot, to so many people, even if they never expressed it, even if they never showed it. I'm sure you've made a lot of people smile, and you deserve peace, either in this world, or the afterworld.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I say give therapy and meds a chance. So many people are one prescription away from a whole new outlook & new life. You have the whole rest of your life to CTB if that's what you want, that option isn't going anywhere.

 

[m3nhera]

I say give therapy and meds a chance. So many people are one prescription away from a whole new outlook & new life. You have the whole rest of your life to CTB if that's what you want, that option isn't going anywhere.

I've already tried. And even if the option is still there, I need to get this overwith sooner because by the time I'm 21 college will almost be over.

There has to be a better way I'm so tired of everything being restricted and difficult to get, and I understand now people's issues with these laws.

Now I wonder how many people against gun control only feel that way because they're suicidal rather than not caring about risks like school shootings or mass murderers because they don't want it to hurt others, only for themselves.

False sense of hope has always been one of the worse feeling a person could ever feel, feeling that "your only escape is gone" is torturous when people come under that realization. The feeling of "I could CBT any time with a gun!" and only to have that method "taken away" when you're in rough shape is upsetting and extremely painful. You're already being beaten by life, being dragged into an inescapable hole of hopelessness for too long. For years, you experience a lof of "ups and downs", but in the end, you look back and feel like those "ups" are only there to give you a false sense of hope only to be dragged again into a deeper hole by reality. And when you want to end it for good, life said no, and you don't only feel like you've hit rock bottom, but also fooled, tricked, and STUCK.

Of course anyone in that situation will be scarred. It is essentially mental torture, not counting the horrible things life and people in your life has done to you.

Sorry if this creeps you out, when I saw this post, I got a sense that I need to know your story a bit so I look at some of your past posts.

I find that you're a sweet girl who also cares a lot about others. You have a loving bf and good friends that you're scared of leaving because you might hurt them. You mentioned that CTB after starting a job when someone else could get it or the store needed more time to hire someone else shows that you DO care about other people. A lot, including strangers, which is a true sign of empathy. You really are a sweet, kind, and caring person.

Despite having a family that constantly step on you, wear you down, and even abusing you on both psychological and psyhical level; you managed to keep loving and caring for people who are innocent, including strangers. I really wish more people with such a kind heart like you exist in this world. I really do.

I find it genuinely heartbreaking to hear about your story and struggle, because I can see the spark in your eyes, there's a part of you that still wants to live, still wants to live a good life, and still has passions like any other person does. And you experienced horrible things you do NOT deserve at a young age; I personally hold the position, that people who hurt children are the worst. You're now an adult yes, but we all are too aware how childhood experiences can shape someone. It is not your fault to be feeling sad, depressed, or wanting to CBT, nor to experience all those fantasies and desire you have. No one wants to die, they're forcefully driven to wanting it.

You're someone with hopes and dreams, with interests and passions, a girl who wants to live a peaceful life. Yet, life says no and throws you into hell, and it's not your fault if that experience changed you. You feel stuck, betrayed, hopeless, and in pain. So much pain. You don't know if you should continue living or not, because to continue living means to voluntarily sign up for an unknown amount of torture. But to die means you may leave the few people who genuinely means a lot and have done a lot for you, your bf and friends. And even if you decide not to continue, the barrier is so high, it left you stuck and hopeless.

Living is a voluntary choice, and you reserve the right to do whatever with that. Your friends and bf are genuinely sweet, and I get you feel bad about the idea of leaving them, but I'm sure they will understand given enough time. Even if you decide to catch the bus, I'm sure you'll live in their memory and they'll still love you even from the other side. I'm sure you've given enough good memories and that will live forever in their mind, and I'm sure that they can find peace after the realization that you are no longer in constant pain.

OP, I wish you the best life, I hope you can live your life and not experience pain and suffering, and I hope that life will come sooner than later. However, I respect your right to opt-out from this reality called life. And if you do, I hope you can find peace knowing that you've done a lot for others, you've shown kindness to others, you've shown empathy to people on this site, and that everyone will be grateful for having been able to know you.

Because you mean a lot, to so many people, even if they never expressed it, even if they never showed it. I'm sure you've made a lot of people smile, and you deserve peace, either in this world, or the afterworld.

Good morning, I woke up recently and wanted you to know I read your whole message. This means more to me than I can explain, and gives me a new perspective. I was really upset this morning too so reading this made me feel a bit better. I'm glad you care but it seems strangers online always care more than your own family.

You seem to truly understand how I feel. I feel like so few people have actual empathy nowadays and that's part of why the world is so shitty, so thank you for caring about me and for your kind words.

Also this is making me reconsider things but I don't see how things could ever get better, I'll always feel this way no matter what.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I've already tried. And even if the option is still there, I need to get this overwith sooner because by the time I'm 21 college will almost be over.

There has to be a better way I'm so tired of everything being restricted and difficult to get, and I understand now people's issues with these laws.

Now I wonder how many people against gun control only feel that way because they're suicidal rather than not caring about risks like school shootings or mass murderers because they don't want it to hurt others, only for themselves.


Good morning, I woke up recently and wanted you to know I read your whole message. This means more to me than I can explain, and gives me a new perspective. I was really upset this morning too so reading this made me feel a bit better. I'm glad you care but it seems strangers online always care more than your own family.

You seem to truly understand how I feel. I feel like so few people have actual empathy nowadays and that's part of why the world is so shitty, so thank you for caring about me and for your kind words.

Also this is making me reconsider things but I don't see how things could ever get better, I'll always feel this way no matter what.

#1. You see that? The kind words of a stranger (although not mine) gave you a new perspective & made you reconsider things. That should be an indication to you that CTB may not be your answer. Just because you can't see right at this moment how things could get better doesn't mean there isn't a way that you never thought of before.

#2. There are better ways. That's the entire point of this site (as far as I'm concerned). Guns & knives are far from being the only methods.

 

[m3nhera]

#1. You see that? The kind words of a stranger (although not mine) gave you a new perspective & made you reconsider things. That should be an indication to you that CTB may not be your answer. Just because you can't see right at this moment how things could get better doesn't mean there isn't a way that you never thought of before.

#2. There are better ways. That's the entire point of this site (as far as I'm concerned). Guns & knives are far from being the only methods.

Well I just was appreciating their words, suicide is still the answer for me and it's always nice to believe things could get better, but that's what the pro-lifers say to us too. I know things won't get better for me.

And you're right that there are better ways but I meant for my situation specifically, as someone who tried to kill themselves multiple times when I was young. That's why I gave up on ODing and strangulation, etc and hanging is out of the question because there's nowhere for me to hang from, life is so unfair. It's truly so painful and unfair and I want nothing more than for it to come to a peaceful end.