Going to kill myself tommorow

[MAIO]

Oh nice now the moderators are filtering my posts. Thanks guys. Just trying to save this guy's fucking life here

He said you were lying about the forum? Were you lying yes or no? If not how do you know he is the same person?

Save his life from what? He will die someday probaly a worse death. He doesn't get to decide when he dies by his standards, you decide when he dies by your standards?

 

[war-is-lost]

I can't save anyone but I can sure as hell try and convince them life is worth living for

Convince me.

 

[Cloudstar]

I can't save anyone but I can sure as hell try and convince them life is worth living for

Maybe for some it is but for others it isn't I personally don't particularly want to live anymore but that is my choice and that's what it's about choice

 

[Vincent]

Convince me.

Maybe for some it is but for others it isn't I personally don't particularly want to live anymore but that is my choice and that's what it's about choice

Why are you people so prideful of your suicidal intent like it's some kind of fuckin merit badge

 

[war-is-lost]

Why are you people so prideful of your suicidal intent like it's some kind of fuckin merit badge

Not convinced... Try harder.

 

[Cloudstar]

Why are you people so prideful of your suicidal intent like it's some kind of fuckin merit badge

I'm not prideful about it it's a fact for me and what I'm going through life has become unbearable don't judge people until you know the whole story

 

[MAIO]

I have my N ready. I would have did it today but i didn't have the energy to get out and go to my location. Anyway, the pressure is on. My aunts and uncles came over this weekend and went out of their way to tell my parents that they should pack my bags for me (in other words kick me out). Dad said i"ll have to starve in the future if i dont figure something out. Mom said i had no class despite me giving them most of my disability check each month. My futures not looking too good and parents are more static than i originally thought.

I"ll probably be homeless in the future if i don't do this. I have no savings and my ankles look like they're going to snap any day now because of my disability. If that happens i might lose my ability to walk and ctb. My N has been out for a while now so the clock is ticking. I'm getting pressure from all sides here..its overwhelming. If i fail tommorow i will be back for sure. Lets hope that i don't.

I personally think making a life and death descion when you are overwhealmed by emotion is a bad call but it's not my call or descion to make. (Unless you wanted to be overun by emotion becuase it makes it easier to ctb in which case good luck) Have you tried confronting your parents? Your homlessness has a solution hard though and sucky it may be. Best of luck on whatever you decide.

 

[MAIO]

Maybe for some it is but for others it isn't I personally don't particularly want to live anymore but that is my choice and that's what it's about choice

Yea the idea that life by default is always worth living comes from monotheism-particually a weird interpertaion of christianity that the church ran with. It's very bizzare that people call you deluded/irrational for thinking life is not worth living, but don't even have a consitent position and have not even thought through their own position. It's usually more of a position based on culture factors, proganda and stigma. For instance they claim suicide is never an option(but they would usually think suicide is an option if you went through diffrent scenerios they just draw the bar diffrently) More inportantly it would be on the person claiming life is always worth living to proof life is always worth living espically since they are trying push their usually not well thought out propoganda onto you, its not on you to defend your reasons for suicide at all.

 

[Malice1]

I personally think making a life and death descion when you are overwhealmed by emotion is a bad call but it's not my call or descion to make. (Unless you wanted to be overun by emotion becuase it makes it easier to ctb in which case good luck) Have you tried confronting your parents? Your homlessness has a solution hard though and sucky it may be. Best of luck on whatever you decide.

My parents probably wont kick me out. There are other things that are bothering me though so its not just my family thats the issue.

 

[MAIO]

My parents probably wont kick me out. There are other things that are bothering me though so its not just my family thats the issue.

So it's based on how you have felt for a long time consistently?

 

[MAIO]

My parents probably wont kick me out. There are other things that are bothering me though so its not just my family thats the issue.

Aizen my favorite bleach character btw. It was so epic when he soloed all the captains at once.

 

[Malice1]

Aizen my favorite bleach character btw. It was so epic when he soloed all the captains at once.

Yes it was. May sound silly but before i attempt to ctb i always tell myself to be fearless and strong like him. Helps a bit everytime.

 

[Malice1]

So it's based on how you have felt for a long time consistently?

Yes in combination with what i put in my post.

 

[MAIO]

Yes it was. May sound silly but before i attempt to ctb i always tell myself to be fearless and strong like him. Helps a bit everytime.

I wonder what Aizen would do in your situation. What do you think he would do? He such a hard personality to judge.

 

[Malice1]

I wonder what Aizen would do in your situation. What do you think he would do? He such a hard personality to judge.

I don't think he'd fall into my situation to begin with. Hes so smart and always one step ahead of everyone else.

 

[Sternum]

Malice, just wanted to chime in here after the attempted derail. If you're still reading this thread, have peace brother, whatever your choice is. I've read many of your posts and respect you.

 

[Malice1]

Malice, just wanted to chime in here after the attempted derail. If you're still reading this thread, have peace brother, whatever your choice is. I've read many of your posts and respect you.

Thank you. Its going to be hard to do but this time will be different. I'm really going to try my hardest to get through this. I've tried two times before with the nembutal method. So i know what to expect. My N has been out for a while now so its now or never.

 

[Cloudstar]

Thank you. Its going to be hard to do but this time will be different. I'm really going to try my hardest to get through this. I've tried two times before with the nembutal method. So i know what to expect. My N has been out for a while now so its now or never.

Well good luck and I hope you find peace

 

[Malice1]

Well good luck and I hope you find peace

Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 847]

I hope you'll find the courage I didn't find. Suicide is hard.

 

[Cloudstar]

I hope you'll find the courage I didn't find. Suicide is hard.

Very true I've tried 3 times in 6 months and I'm still here unfortunately

 

[Why.]

Jesus fucking Christ, it didn't take long for the pro-life fuckwits to start spewing their unwanted opinions here, did it?

Anyway Malice, in spite of that shitshow of a derailment, I hope it goes well for you. Good luck, and see you on the other side.

 

[Definitelyworried]

@Malice1
I read some of your posts. And I could relate.
I know it must be a very dificult time for you.
Sorry that you are going through all this.
I don't want to kill myself but I feel like I have to, and I'm feeling pressured to do it.
I been fighting to try and improve my situation, but I feel trapped with no solution in sight.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

Wow, I'm just catching up here, that Vincent guy was a douche. @Malice1 I'm sorry about your situation. I wish you a good bus trip and hope you find peace.

 

[Imaginos]

Hmm, well. I hope you don't mind me saying so, but color me green with envy. A pitiful thing like me can only dream of ever being able to accomplish the same thing, shackled to my cowardice as I am. Regardless, I sincerely hope you succeed. It certainly beats rotting away in this cesspool universe, but you know. Whatever.

 

[Samuel]

I know I'm late, but hope you find your peace. Report back if you did not follow through, if you feel up to it.

 

[Charles]

I am so overwhelmed by all of the good luck and find peace replies..they are so kind. Not the usual don't do it and such.
We need to understand that suicide is an option, and of course go towards a life where a person doesn't have to take their own life..but physically restraining a person from dying isn't help at all, worse if anything.
I wish you good luck, find whatever peace you need.

 

[Definitelyworried]

I wonder if Malice took the N.
Man this is freaking me out.
There is no easy way to look at this.
I'm having a breakdown.
Is he better off dead or is he better off alive?

 

[Azure]

I wonder if Malice took the N.
Man this is freaking me out.
There is no easy way to look at this.
I'm having a breakdown.
Is he better off dead or is he better off alive?

He's better off having the chance to choose.
Whatever he might be doing right now, if he's doing anything at all, I hope Malice found the peace he deserves.

 

[Definitelyworried]

He's better off having the chance to choose.
Whatever he might be doing right now, if he's doing anything at all, I hope Malice found the peace he deserves.

If he is dead he has no more chance to choose.
If he is dead he can't possibly be doing anything.
I'm having a breakdown.