Finally found a suitable tree in an alright location. This is it for me, I'll ctb on Saturday.

[Ben 111]

How old are you,no offense

 

[Exhausted546]

How old are you,no offense

If there wasn't any offense intended I feel like the "no offense" wouldn't have been included ngl

 

[Ben 111]

4get it!!!

 

[Exhausted546]

Well I also haven't thought the specifics through but I mean nothing you say is actually going to make it easier so might as well be funny . I was just thinking of leaving a location text and just a physical note aside from the one for my family to clarify that there's no possibility of abetment of suicide and I wish for my death to not be publicized in any manner , cos I don't want the cops going through my shit or the media sensationalizing my death for any reason . Also, since I plan to ctb in another state it increases the chances of not being found quickly enough or being a topic of discussion and I don't want either .

I also saw the videos and it did seem peaceful and not grotesque unlike shooting , looked like a person being lulled into sleep . Messing it up scares me too .

Its the same for me , even though I sleep hoping I don't wake up tomorrow and wake up hating the fact that I have to go through it one more time , everyday 30 mins before sleeping I think tomorrow will be a very different day and 30 mins after waking up I think that it will change today but it never does .

I wish you luck with whatever you choose.

Same id like it to not receive the slightest media attention ,I'd like complete privacy. I don't want to be a topic of discussion either

Yesterday I went near the spot during the day and heard my name turned around and it was a old friend of mine, greeted him rapidly then left. But damn I really hope I get little to no attention.

I've seen local suicides get ton of attention on social medias, I'd absolutely hate for it to happen to me. It's a cursed timeline for real

 

[Exhausted546]

I'll need to go back to the tree hanging thread to make sure I got it right. It should be simple enough though

4get it!!!

I've literally never heard "how old are you,no offense" that wasn't immediately followed by offense and scorn. I imagine it's due to what I've written , it's not the full picture,if it was I wouldn't be trying to ctb

 

[Exhausted546]

Alright, 3-4ish more hours. My issue is that,unless it's impulsive, suicidal instinct has the opportunity to creep back in, I hate it

 

[paintingchair252]

Alright, 3-4ish more hours. My issue is that,unless it's impulsive, suicidal instinct has the opportunity to creep back in, I hate it

Drinkin to you rn man, how you doin?

 

[Exhausted546]

Drinkin to you rn man, how you doin?

Psyching myself up. Feeling some guilt about all the people that will talk shit about my family that was on paper a picture perfect very successful family due to my suicide. Then again my family will just throw me under the bus ,pushing disgusting falsehoods and narratives,it'll be the only narrative that remains and turn the page. Who cares anyway,I'll be dead,they already won

I'll use an object to test the noose and the anchor point, (I'll have it support my entire weight to make sure the branch doesn't move). I'm not that confident about the Branch's sturdiness but when I put my full weight on it it didn't budge

 

[paintingchair252]

Psyching myself up. Feeling some guilt about all the people that will talk shit about my family that was on paper a picture perfect very successful family due to my suicide. Then again my family will just throw me under the bus ,pushing disgusting falsehoods and narratives,it'll be the only narrative that remains and turn the page. Who cares anyway,I'll be dead,they already won

I'll use an object to test the noose and the anchor point, (I'll have it support my entire weight to make sure the branch doesn't move). I'm not that confident about the Branch's sturdiness but when I put my full weight on it it didn't budge

Go in peace man

Psyching myself up. Feeling some guilt about all the people that will talk shit about my family that was on paper a picture perfect very successful family due to my suicide. Then again my family will just throw me under the bus ,pushing disgusting falsehoods and narratives,it'll be the only narrative that remains and turn the page. Who cares anyway,I'll be dead,they already won

I'll use an object to test the noose and the anchor point, (I'll have it support my entire weight to make sure the branch doesn't move). I'm not that confident about the Branch's sturdiness but when I put my full weight on it it didn't budge

hope you find peace dude, rest easy

 

[Exhausted546]

Not sure how to make sure I cut the right length of rope. Guess I have to cut it too long,do the set up and then adjust based on how low the noose hangs. About to drink my first beer

 

[lucyisleavingus]

Peace to you on the other side

 

[Exhausted546]

My set up is flawed, should have waited longer before drinking my second beer but my survival instinct was kicking in. I still have 20-30 ish minutes to fix it and hand, any longer would risk me getting discovered before I'm dead


Edit: I have no clue if I'm doing the anchor point knot properly ,I should have practiced it better at home ,there's too many cars passing even at this time of the night, I'm isolated but not THAT isolated, I can definitely be seen from the road of anyone looks my way and pays enough attention despite it being 4am


This is problematic

My set up is flawed, should have waited longer before drinking my second beer but my survival instinct was kicking in. I still have 20-30 ish minutes to fix it and hand, any longer would risk me getting discovered before I'm dead


Edit: I have no clue if I'm doing the anchor point knot properly ,I should have practiced it better at home ,there's too many cars passing even at this time of the night, I'm isolated but not THAT isolated, I can definitely be seen from the road of anyone looks my way and pays enough attention despite it being 4am


This is problematic

Aborting mission, I'll practice the anchor point knot at home and come back tonight. By 4am, who knows, there may be some early birds that go on a walk with their dog and pass by the outskirts of the woods, should have left earlier but was still summoning the courage. Better be safe than brain dead cause I didnt do the knot properly or was discovered too early

Edit2: walking home , Dawn already started, just walked past 2 people . I guess I have to do it at 1-2am. I have a meeting with a social worker at 1pm


Edit3: I'm in bed,on the verge of puking + have many new mosquito bites ,I'll have to plan this properly.

 

[thereishope220]

My set up is flawed, should have waited longer before drinking my second beer but my survival instinct was kicking in. I still have 20-30 ish minutes to fix it and hand, any longer would risk me getting discovered before I'm dead


Edit: I have no clue if I'm doing the anchor point knot properly ,I should have practiced it better at home ,there's too many cars passing even at this time of the night, I'm isolated but not THAT isolated, I can definitely be seen from the road of anyone looks my way and pays enough attention despite it being 4am


This is problematic

Aborting mission, I'll practice the anchor point knot at home and come back tonight. By 4am, who knows, there may be some early birds that go on a walk with their dog and pass by the outskirts of the woods, should have left earlier but was still summoning the courage. Better be safe than brain dead cause I didnt do the knot properly or was discovered too early

Edit2: walking home , Dawn already started, just walked past 2 people . I guess I have to do it at 1-2am. I have a meeting with a social worker at 1pm


Edit3: I'm in bed,on the verge of puking + have many new mosquito bites ,I'll have to plan this properly.

Man if I'm being completely honest yknow what I think? The first time you tried to do it you delayed it so your dad didn't wake up to it straight after his birthday. Second time, your dad decided to go to bed later than usual. When you went near the area and your friend greeted you, it's almost the universe saying "hey, it doesn't HAVE to end like this". And now, you've delayed it again due to lack of planning.

And I have to say, I'm not forcing you in any particular direction but this is just how I see things. Just remember sometimes life has a way of turning itself around for you. Best of luck on this journey, whatever it may be .

 

[Exhausted546]

Man if I'm being completely honest yknow what I think? The first time you tried to do it you delayed it so your dad didn't wake up to it straight after his birthday. Second time, your dad decided to go to bed later than usual. When you went near the area and your friend greeted you, it's almost the universe saying "hey, it doesn't HAVE to end like this". And now, you've delayed it again due to lack of planning.

And I have to say, I'm not forcing you in any particular direction but this is just how I see things. Just remember sometimes life has a way of turning itself around for you. Best of luck on this journey, whatever it may be .

I did that knot twice in March/April, it was very simple and intuitive. Didn't think it'd required any further planning. This time ,maybe I was too drunk but i failed to replicate the knot properly, Anyway I'm quite hungover

And yeah I get what you mean honestly

Edit: I now understand what didn't make sense to me. Either way, it's better to do it around 2am to be safe

 

[Exhausted546]

Guess I'm homeless for good this time. I have to do it, been thinking way too much all day long. Gonna look at the fsh mega thread again to make sure I position the noose properly, its intuitive Ik but just in case

 

[Exhausted546]

I'm anxious af,I know there's no way out so why am I hesitating. Maybe because I know the set up will work this time and that it's final

Haven't even put the noose on and feel like my head is about to burst from racing thoughts. That's the Survival Instinct huh?

 

[geepeedee]

goodbye and good luck.

 

[darksouls]

best of luck and safe travels

 

[0dysseus]

I'll need to go back to the tree hanging thread to make sure I got it right. It should be simple enough though

I've literally never heard "how old are you,no offense" that wasn't immediately followed by offense and scorn. I imagine it's due to what I've written , it's not the full picture,if it was I wouldn't be trying to ctb

Can you please link the tree hanging thread for me please? Thank you

 

[Braindead Girl]

Good luck!!!

 

[Exhausted546]

I'm still alive unfortunately. I decided tonight was going to be my time. If I don't post ever again you'll know I went through with it and succeeded

 

[Exhausted546]

3-4 hours

 

[paintingchair252]

3-4 hours

Wish you the best, if you're unsure at all don't feel bad about backing out. Hope all goes well.

 

[Exhausted546]

Thank you, I have a friend trying t to convince me that suicide isn't the answer, I haven't even told her what I am about to do, I guess she sensed it in how discouraged & out of it is sound
I gotta stop thinking about her words of support if I want to do this,it only shook my resolve, I'll get back in the right headspace in a bit

I wouldn't mind my resolve shaken if life was was looking bearable but it isn't the case sadly. I'd just extend the duration of my suffering

She's a MVP friend nonetheless

 

[Exhausted546]

K Im gradually back in the right mindset,had to face reality and remember that even if I backed out now,there's no way out with how dire and suffocating things are

Although the overthinking is a double edged sword,starting to feel guilt for my shitty family knowing it's one sided. Need to toughen up, I have 1 strong beer I'll drink once I'm certain I'm gonna do it

Edit: Alright I'm almost good to go, would a sleeping pill in addition to the strong beer make things easier for me? I got Vaseline for the noose

 

[Exhausted546]

Walking towards my spot while drinking a strong beer, carrying the bucket in a grocery bag and the lubed up rope in my backpack

 

[Braindead Girl]

Hope you get the peace you desire. Good Luck!!!

 

[Exhausted546]

Just came across someone walking like 39 meters away from my chosen tree. I'll still keep going. My tree's visibility should only be seen by cars that are 49ish meters away and even so they'd have to pay attention to spot a body hanging

Edit: I can't believe I hadn't thought about it but how noisy is hanging, while I'm protected and hidden by the fences and leaves, there's triplexes on the other side of the fence, would I make enough noise to have them look into things?

I arrived at the tree, I can't believe I'm doing this
Edit2: Holy fucking shit, I was just spotted by someone on a fucking e-scooter. I took a pic

Thank God I didn't take out the ctb kit yet. They really trimmed the are, cut down many branches, I am much less hidden than I would have been a week ago

Shit I'm having severe second thougjts
Edit 3: I decided to wait some more before getting the set up ready, now there's a fkn skunk that went in the cut branches right next to my chosen tree, I can't even see where it's at anymore

Wtf is going on
Edit 4:
Okay it's now 2 am, no new sign of people that could spot me but I still feel really unsafe due to that e-scooter (idk about the skunk , it doesn't matter all that much in comparison to passerbys. The e-scooter guy looked at me, if I had arrived just 9 mins earlier I would have had the cops called on me or I would have woken up on an hospital)

I feel like this spot isn't as safe as I thought it was. This guy came and looked inside the grocery store's garbage, looked at me, then left on his e scooter. I would have been brain dead had I already been hanging and he saw me

Who's to say someone won't spot me when I'm 25 mins into hanging. Id be saved and be brain dead

Shot I either still take my chances and go through with it or try to find a new spot
I could wait until 3am to make sure I won't come across anybody....but shit idk, I really thought nobody would spot me past midnight,at this point it might be very careless to attempt in this spot tonight

 

[Exhausted546]

I'm not even sure if I'm going to try again tonight at least not in the same spot. They cut too many branches, cut down the tall grass that helped obscure me, now there's people roaming at night randomly

I could just go to the woods this morning and find a suitable tree while hoping nobody goes on a walk and finds me before I'm dead. I'm not even sure how often people go in there, used to see footsteps and dog paws in the snow during winter around there all the time.

To avoid that I had tried going on there at night but it's too tough to navigate at night, as it's still a semi-swamp,countless mosquitod eating I up, each step might make you trip

In comparison to all that, the spot I was at last night is alot more convenient but there's still issues. Idk what I should do, keep hunting for better spots? Just return tonight and pray it goes well this time?
Idk

 

[AgathaChristieLover]

I'm not even sure if I'm going to try again tonight at least not in the same spot. They cut too many branches, cut down the tall grass that helped obscure me, now there's people roaming at night randomly

I could just go to the woods this morning and find a suitable tree while hoping nobody goes on a walk and finds me before I'm dead. I'm not even sure how often people go in there, used to see footsteps and dog paws in the snow during winter around there all the time.

To avoid that I had tried going on there at night but it's too tough to navigate at night, as it's still a semi-swamp,countless mosquitod eating I up, each step might make you trip

In comparison to all that, the spot I was at last night is alot more convenient but there's still issues. Idk what I should do, keep hunting for better spots? Just return tonight and pray it goes well this time?
Idk

Don't rush it. Search for better spots, based on your past replies it seems like it's a pretty big forested area. Keep searching