Finally found a suitable tree in an alright location. This is it for me, I'll ctb on Saturday.

[Exhausted546]

Only thing I could be worried about is pictures and all. People revealing my identity and discussing me on "spotted pages". But that's all.

I can't wait to be done. I joined in December 2025, my life got significantly worse since, I can't handle it anymore, I feel more broken. Only reason I'm waiting til Saturday is because my dad's birthday is on Friday and I refuse to ruin it.

I do hope the tree branch won't break however, it didn't look like the sturdiest despite holding my weight. I won't be interrupted ,and I'll be quickly found in the morning as it's behind a grocery store.

 

[groovygoober]

How much time did it take you to finally find a suitable tree ? I am planning to do it in like a valley so it shouldn't take much time but I don't really want to do too many tests if possible

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

Good luck

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain and I truly hate to be the person who points this out, but Saturday is hardly better than Friday. You refuse to ruin your father's birthday this year. That's nice. But if you do it Saturday, you're still ruining every single birthday he'll have for the rest of his life. Whatever day you choose, he'll be feeling an incredible sense of dread for that entire week for the rest of his life, and most certainly that dread would peak the day before, so for the rest of his life, you're deciding to ruin his birthday. I know you're struggling, but I urge you wait at least one more week, for his sake.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find freedom from suffering.

 

[Exhausted546]

How much time did it take you to finally find a suitable tree ? I am planning to do it in like a valley so it shouldn't take much time but I don't really want to do too many tests if possible

For me suitable had slot of conditions.

I didn't want it to be somewhere that's way too public like a park, I didn't want it to be somewhere that's so isolated that it'd take weeks to find my corpse and I'd be badly decomposed, didn't want it to be somewhere that's a trouble to navigate to (like the woods /semi-swamp close to my place where I get eaten by mosquitos, hard to navigate especially at night even with a GPS, each step forward is a risk to trip into a swamp, it'd risk being a traumatic sight for whoever would discover me as I my have insects coming out of my mouth or whatever) , wanted a spot where i'd know for sure I wouldn't be found until after I'm dead, that i'd have some privacy and dignity, far enough from home so neighbors don't know it's someone and run their mouth endlessly about it while my father has to deal with them pointing his way and all, or that future people that live in the house hear about me "oh the person that lived here killed himself in the neighborhood park". But still somewhere close enough that I can walk there in the middle of the night

Easily accessible without a ladder, (I can hang from it by using and upside down bucket) , I tested if it moved or bent from having my full weight on it, there were no differences.

I think it's good enough. I'll just pray it doesn't break and if it does, it doesn't break until after 30-40 mins when I'm dead.

Vegan my search for trees in January, on & off. It should take someone normal and resourceful a couple days at most though, probably just a few hours even

I'm sorry you're in so much pain and I truly hate to be the person who points this out, but Saturday is hardly better than Friday. You refuse to ruin your father's birthday this year. That's nice. But if you do it Saturday, you're still ruining every single birthday he'll have for the rest of his life. Whatever day you choose, he'll be feeling an incredible sense of dread for that entire week for the rest of his life, and most certainly that dread would peak the day before, so for the rest of his life, you're deciding to ruin his birthday. I know you're struggling, but I urge you wait at least one more week, for his sake.

Then I'd be ruining my niece's baptism and if I wait another week I'd be ruining my other niece's birthday while now being fully homeless

But you are right that it's better to ruin a baptism than every birthday every year for him

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I hope you find peace

 

[Exhausted546]

good luck, I hope you find peace

I appreciate it, about 24h left.

Ironically enough while asking a question about tree branches and weight, chatgpt "got worried" and after cracking through my logic and reasons. I started having doubts, not significant enough to not do it because my reality is still very real and I don't want to be in survival mode any longer but nonetheless, as controversial as it may be it was more useful than any psychologist I've seen. If my circumstances were a bit more salvageable,I'd have been swayed

 

[Exhausted546]

My father seemed happy today, bought himself stuff and all ,went to bed pretty happy. It'd be extra sick of me to have him wake up to news of my death, I'll postpone another 24h

 

[groovygoober]

For me suitable had slot of conditions.

I didn't want it to be somewhere that's way too public like a park, I didn't want it to be somewhere that's so isolated that it'd take weeks to find my corpse and I'd be badly decomposed, didn't want it to be somewhere that's a trouble to navigate to (like the woods /semi-swamp close to my place where I get eaten by mosquitos, hard to navigate especially at night even with a GPS, each step forward is a risk to trip into a swamp, it'd risk being a traumatic sight for whoever would discover me as I my have insects coming out of my mouth or whatever) , wanted a spot where i'd know for sure I wouldn't be found until after I'm dead, that i'd have some privacy and dignity, far enough from home so neighbors don't know it's someone and run their mouth endlessly about it while my father has to deal with them pointing his way and all, or that future people that live in the house hear about me "oh the person that lived here killed himself in the neighborhood park". But still somewhere close enough that I can walk there in the middle of the night

Easily accessible without a ladder, (I can hang from it by using and upside down bucket) , I tested if it moved or bent from having my full weight on it, there were no differences.

I think it's good enough. I'll just pray it doesn't break and if it does, it doesn't break until after 30-40 mins when I'm dead.

Vegan my search for trees in January, on & off. It should take someone normal and resourceful a couple days at most though, probably just a few hours even

I'm thinking of using a message scheduler to send texts mails or whatever about 2-3 hours after my attempt through which I could share a path to my exact location , look into that it should take away the possibility of the insects coming out of your mouth and ensure that they'd find you fairly quickly .
Would also take away the possibility of a random passerby being traumatized .

 

[Exhausted546]

I'm thinking of using a message scheduler to send texts mails or whatever about 2-3 hours after my attempt through which I could share a path to my exact location , look into that it should take away the possibility of the insects coming out of your mouth and ensure that they'd find you fairly quickly .
Would also take away the possibility of a random passerby being traumatized .

So do you plan on sending your location?
You know from hearing about suicides,people that never did it claim it's a super extenuating pain (likely to discourage anyone) but from all the videos I've seen, people lose consciousness before they even realize what's happening. It is so damn quick.

I'd like to not think too much either about potential worst case scenarios. I think they only happen if the person is found too early, if the set up fails (like the anchor point snaps/breaks) and the noose isn't properly placed

I think I should get 1 or 2 beers to summon the courage if I ever doubt. Like I know that at this current moment of I had the noose around my neck I'd kick the bucket without a second thought

 

[itsgone2]

I think I should get 1 or 2 beers to summon the courage if I ever doubt. Like I know that at this current moment of I had the noose around my neck I'd kick the bucket without a second thought

There are times I think this , but never when I have the chance. SI or whatever it is. Such a curse

 

[Exhausted546]

There are times I think this , but never when I have the chance. SI or whatever it is. Such a curse

Samw aside from 2 times I kicked the chair but the setup was faulty so my feet hit the floor. This time do have to make sure the set up isn't faulty


Also I was sober when I kicked the chair, I just decided to not think about what I was doing and act on impulse instead of thinking it through, thats the only way I manage to survive the SI. Then again doing it on impulse is also part of the reason the set up was faulty (I didn't know enough about how to properly do the noose,knots, the anchor point and all)

 

[Exhausted546]

Bought the alcohol, just gonna wait till it's 1-2 am now

 

[DoomsdayCTB]

I'm so glad you got to experience your Pop's birthday one last time. I'm so sorry life did not improve. I hope you go as peacefully as possible.

 

[Exhausted546]

I'm so glad you got to experience your Pop's birthday one last time. I'm so sorry life did not improve. I hope you go as peacefully as possible.

Honestly i was a finger away from deciding to carry on with life. Just about to be fully homeless for good. Final year of engineering school,I don't have the grit anymore to handle the mental anguish from alot of recurring family trauma,my position in life,a dead-end job while splitting my final year over 2-3 years to make ends meet. It sounds dumb until you know how long I've been at it and how absolutely exhausted I am

An helping hand from my brother who brags about having 15M+ in bank and gives up 30-40% of his salary to charities would have helped at least condense my final year in a single year instead of having to split it over 2-3 years while working dead-end jobs full time. He insists to have me sent back to live with my abusive mother that tried her hardest to break me psychologically so I'd fail out of med back then,which I did. I'm out of resources, so it's either pure grit for 2-3+ more years with heavy suicidal ideation or go back to live with a sociopath hell-bent on breaking me mentally. Death is a better alternative. He thinks I'll simply be homeless ,nah I'll just die lol.

Ironically if they decide to do a funeral, it might cost more than a year of rent in a shitty apartment would have cost. Schooling is the only thing that's already mostly paid for through bursaries but whatever. Would have finished my final year,graduated and finally moved on with my life for good

Theres a ton more to it trust me (I know rereading it I sound like a privileged kid but if it's all there was to it,I'd just do these 2-3 additional years of grit, there's a lot more to it than that but an helping hand would definitely have given me hope)

 

[DoomsdayCTB]

Honestly i was a finger away from deciding to carry on with life. Just about to be fully homeless for good. Final year of engineering school,I don't have the grit anymore to handle the mental anguish from alot of recurring family trauma,my position in life,a dead-end job while splitting my final year over 2-3 years to make ends meet. It sounds dumb until you know how long I've been at it and how absolutely exhausted I am

An helping hand from my brother who brags about having 15M+ in bank and gives up 30-40% of his salary to charities would have helped at least condense my final year in a single year instead of having to split it over 2-3 years while working dead-end jobs full time. He insists to have me sent back to live with my abusive mother that tried her hardest to break me psychologically so I'd fail out of med back then,which I did. I'm out of resources, so it's either pure grit for 2-3+ more years with heavy suicidal ideation or go back to live with a sociopath hell-bent on breaking me mentally. Death is a better alternative. He thinks I'll simply be homeless ,nah I'll just die lol.

Ironically if they decide to do a funeral, it might cost more than a year of rent in a shitty apartment would have cost. Schooling is the only thing that's already mostly paid for through bursaries but whatever. Would have finished my final year,graduated and finally moved on with my life for good

Theres a ton more to it trust me (I know rereading it I sound like a privileged kid but if it's all there was to it,I'd just do these 2-3 additional years of grit, there's a lot more to it than that but an helping hand would definitely have given me hope)

Damn I can relate so much. After this heatwave is over, I either get my old job back or my injury leaves me destitute and homeless. I have an abusive mother too and I can't take it anymore living here. I've been fighting suicide for decades with her. I'd rather live in my car, so that's what I'm heading towards and at that point, I'd rather just die too lol. Isn't crazy how you can be around some of the richest people who could help, especially family, and they offer nothing. It's almost demonic. I have a sibling like that too... I'm sure your brother will donate to suicide charities after lol and make it all about his baby(?) brother. Fucking hate people. I'm so so sorry your family has betrayed you in so many ways. If you have to go in a few hours, I hope you can make peace that you tried and go out smiling at the visions of your Dad smiling one last time.

If you want to talk in these last few hours, please message me. I can relate to so much you said. God speed. Don't go towards the light lol. It's a trap. Forgive and make peace.

 

[Exhausted546]

Damn I can relate so much. After this heatwave is over, I either get my old job back or my injury leaves me destitute and homeless. I have an abusive mother too and I can't take it anymore living here. I've been fighting suicide for decades with her. I'd rather live in my car, so that's what I'm heading towards and at that point, I'd rather just die too lol. Isn't crazy how you can be around some of the richest people who could help, especially family, and they offer nothing. It's almost demonic. I have a sibling like that too... I'm sure your brother will donate to suicide charities after lol and make it all about his baby(?) brother. Fucking hate people. I'm so so sorry your family has betrayed you in so many ways. If you have to go in a few hours, I hope you can make peace that you tried and go out smiling at the visions of your Dad smiling one last time.

If you want to talk in these last few hours, please message me. I can relate to so much you said. God speed. Don't go towards the light lol. It's a trap. Forgive and make peace.

I'm the youngest of 4, it all started a 11 years ago when I was doing amazing for myself, becoming a doctor and all. My sociopathic mother couldn't have that, i had always been her punching back growing up,she was my biggest bully,I remember this one guy when I was 14 telling me my family would make me go insane. She did everything in her power to break me psychologically then his hands.

She's the kind of person that will beat you for 30-40 mins for fun then when someone enters the room she will switch to a sweet voice and be like "Are you hungry my sweetheart? Let me cook for you " now while you're still angry at being punched and slapped, people will trash you for being angry toward such a sweet woman that's even asking to cook for you. I used to call her a sociopath I'm not sure if that's what sociopathy is but the best way to win against these people is to cut them off. Otherwise you go insane

It's important to note that she wasn't the sole cause of my downfall, 60% was her psychological abuse, alienating the entire family against me and more. 40% was the very serious health issues that were destroying me and having me vulnerable, you can say that separated I'd have endled each individually. Together? They had a severe compound effect.

She celebrated when I failed out ,told me it was all a control game. Doubled,tripled,quadrupled down her abuse. One night she went ham with the psychological abuse I attempted to take my life. She only caught me mid hanging cause she opened the closet to drill in my head that I was worthless to my face. First thing she did was to tell me to hang myself at my dad's instead

When we arrived at the hospital she didn't let me speak to the doctor,she spoke for me and essentially told the doctor that all my siblings are super successful and I'm killing myself because I can't become a doctor anymore but my family loves me whatever I do and I should just accept that I don't have what it takes for a big profession but I won't listen to them pleasing me to become something else.

(She used to tell me that I was worthless cause my siblings were all very successful doctors and I'd never make it, now she's changing tunes when in front of a doctor and acting as if she was the voice of reason and I was a stubborn idiot or whatever. When none of that was the trigger of me attempting to off myself)

 

[DoomsdayCTB]

I'm the youngest of 4, it all started a 11 years ago when I was doing amazing for myself, becoming a doctor and all. My sociopathic mother couldn't have that, i had always been her punching back growing up,she was my biggest bully,I remember this one guy when I was 14 telling me my family would make me go insane. She did everything in her power to break me psychologically then his hands.

She's the kind of person that will beat you for 30-40 mins for fun then when someone enters the room she will switch to a sweet voice and be like "Are you hungry my sweetheart? Let me cook for you " now while you're still angry at being punched and slapped, people will trash you for being angry toward such a sweet woman that's even asking to cook for you. I used to call her a sociopath I'm not sure if that's what sociopathy is but the best way to win against these people is to cut them off. Otherwise you go insane

I completely understand. She took her anger out on me probably since I was born.But especially when my Dad would be in and out, or any man. She was my first bully too then taught my sister to be my bully. God I hate that side of my family. I literally screamed to the sky that I wish I could go back in time to "kill my great-grandma" so this line would never exist. They are dare I say psychopaths. So fucking fake they are. So much work you did, are you sure you don't want to find resources to help you finish?
I just took my psych meds because of her crap. Now I have to live with from all the trauma. I would'v'e liked to talk you into calmness and love before you go. But if it's your last post, goodbye OP. I'm so sorry you had to endure this lifetime. I truly pray you have peace once you go. Big virtual hugs. Your story means a lot to me, it's hard to find people whose mothers betrayed them. FUck her!

 

[Exhausted546]

I completely understand. She took her anger out on me probably since I was born.But especially when my Dad would be in and out, or any man. She was my first bully too then taught my sister to be my bully. God I hate that side of my family. I literally screamed to the sky that I wish I could go back in time to "kill my great-grandma" so this line would never exist. They are dare I say psychopaths. So fucking fake they are. So much work you did, are you sure you don't want to find resources to help you finish?
I just took my psych meds because of her crap. Now I have to live with from all the trauma. I would'v'e liked to talk you into calmness and love before you go. But if it's your last post, goodbye OP. I'm so sorry you had to endure this lifetime. I truly pray you have peace once you go. Big virtual hugs. Your story means a lot to me, it's hard to find people whose mothers betrayed them. FUck her!

I appreciate it, there's still few hours until I step out. Honestly I could still postpone but to what end? What for?

After everything was said and done, she tripled the psychological abuse, eventually I went to live with my dad but I was absolutely broken. My siblings that were the people I loved and admired the most since my first living memory had all been turned against me too. Used to have nightly nightmares for 6ish years of my mother stabbing me while my siblings would just watch and be like "what did you do to earn her anger again ? " Non-caring. It was a perfect representation of the situation in the real world, they just don't care. Look at my eldest he knows nothing of what happened, believes my traumas are non-existent and so on and that I was never going to succeed anyway and at most my mother was angry I didn't wash the dishes or something (what the hell is he even talking about, he has such convictions when he talks about what he claims happened to me at most while not being there to see witness anything. He's my mother's lap dog, sees her as a deity that can do no wrong, she could behead me he would find a way to blame me) I had to cut her off a decade ago to keep my sanity, she recently fell sick and he blames cutting her off for that sickness and is trying to force me back in that hell hole

I completely understand. She took her anger out on me probably since I was born.But especially when my Dad would be in and out, or any man. She was my first bully too then taught my sister to be my bully. God I hate that side of my family. I literally screamed to the sky that I wish I could go back in time to "kill my great-grandma" so this line would never exist. They are dare I say psychopaths. So fucking fake they are. So much work you did, are you sure you don't want to find resources to help you finish?
I just took my psych meds because of her crap. Now I have to live with from all the trauma. I would'v'e liked to talk you into calmness and love before you go. But if it's your last post, goodbye OP. I'm so sorry you had to endure this lifetime. I truly pray you have peace once you go. Big virtual hugs. Your story means a lot to me, it's hard to find people whose mothers betrayed them. FUck her!

Sorry you went through all this. One thing I understood on life is that karma doesn't exist. Life is unfair. People will stomp on you and stomp on you harder for daring to be hurt ,then stomp on you harder for daring to be broken and so on to no ends, you think they'll eventually stop and realize what they're going,they won't. You'll be The only one to pay for the consequences of being broken,they'll just move on and live happily. The greatest mistake you can make is to be weak and collapse, the world will feast on you

I absolutely regret that I didn't fight like a rabid dog when I was doing great, teeth and nail, punching my family. If only I had any idea what was in store for me.

I'm current reading r/suicidebereavement posts, reading stuff like "my friend hung himself this morning" shows me ctb examples that were completed as morbid and voyeuristic as it may sound. Some stories showed me things to avoid or be considerate of and so on

 

[Exhausted546]

Venting and being heard somehow reduced my conviction but nonetheless
Currently drinking my first strong beer at home.i should probably go to the spot and get the set up ready because I drink the second beer otherwise I could potentially make a mistake in anchor point knots


I cleaned alot on my devices over the months but I still stumble on stuff I have to remove, some of it embarrassing enough that I'm happy I got to catch it in time. I don't have time to keep looking and cleaning, I'll be dead anyway.

Removing my Google password manager, logging out of messaging apps like discord and all. There's probably stuff that shouldn't be seen,I don't know what but there's surely stuff but at this point who cares

 

[Passenger4224]

Good luck, whether you follow through or not

I'm very sorry life has brought you to this.

 

[Exhausted546]

Good luck, whether you follow through or not

I'm very sorry life has brought you to this.

Thank you, my dad is still awake and watching TV right in front of the door. Clearly I can't go out with a bucket and a backpack without him wondering what I'm doing.

I could simply say I'm going for a walk or whatever but it feels wrong,I prefer to wait till he goes to bed. I'm still tipsy from my first beer, I won't drink my second until I finished setting up the rope on the tree's anchor point, wouldn't want to mess anything

 

[violetforever]

thinking of you and hoping all of your suffering will be left behind

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Wishing you peace either way .

 

[Exhausted546]

thinking of you and hoping all of your suffering will be left behind

I appreciate it but I think it's another dud

Unless I drink a coffee, I'm getting tired of waiting for my father to go to bed, he usually goes to bed at 11pm, it's 2am now, I'm getting sleepy.

I don't even feel as tipsy anymore either, thankfully I had bought 4 beers just in case,got 3 left. Sunrise in 3 hours

 

[Dandelion's]

I wish you good luck

 

[groovygoober]

So do you plan on sending your location?
You know from hearing about suicides,people that never did it claim it's a super extenuating pain (likely to discourage anyone) but from all the videos I've seen, people lose consciousness before they even realize what's happening. It is so damn quick.

I'd like to not think too much either about potential worst case scenarios. I think they only happen if the person is found too early, if the set up fails (like the anchor point snaps/breaks) and the noose isn't properly placed

I think I should get 1 or 2 beers to summon the courage if I ever doubt. Like I know that at this current moment of I had the noose around my neck I'd kick the bucket without a second thought

yeah , my location or just anything to help them find my body , to reduce the chance of being on the news , gossip or traumatizing randoms and don't want to give my loved ones false hope .

The pain depends entirely on the method and how meticulously you carry it , no ? When it comes to hanging I have read that partial is the most common one and maybe the least painful one but I'm not so sure about the pain part .
Its like 20 seconds of pain either way .

 

[Exhausted546]

yeah , my location or just anything to help them find my body , to reduce the chance of being on the news , gossip or traumatizing randoms and don't want to give my loved ones false hope .

The pain depends entirely on the method and how meticulously you carry it , no ? When it comes to hanging I have read that partial is the most common one and maybe the least painful one but I'm not so sure about the pain part .
Its like 20 seconds of pain either way .

Ended up falling asleep waiting

I hadn't thought of the scheduling sending my location to avoid being on the news part. In fact I hadn't thought about whether that would impact ending up on the news or not. Now I'm legit considering it. What are you going to write? "You can find my corpse at X location, here's the GPS screenshot, sorry again" ?

I tried partial a few times, it didn't work, only got splitting headaches,probably didn't do it right. With the right set up and noose placement you should lose consciousness extremely quickly for full suspension hanging from a lack of blood flow. Like literally, from the videos I saw, people lower themselves slowly and before they even realize what's happening their hands drop and they're unconscious extremely quickly.

However if the noose is placed in the wrong spot, it can be a long and agonizing death.

Things should go better tonight. Was worried I didn't feel that suicidal anymore when I woke up but I quickly remembered why this timeline I'm in is cursed and ctb is my best alternative at this stage

 

[groovygoober]

Ended up falling asleep waiting

I hadn't thought of the scheduling sending my location to avoid being on the news part. In fact I hadn't thought about whether that would impact ending up on the news or not. Now I'm legit considering it. What are you going to write? "You can find my corpse at X location, here's the GPS screenshot, sorry again" ?

I tried partial a few times, it didn't work, only got splitting headaches,probably didn't do it right. With the right set up and noose placement you should lose consciousness extremely quickly for full suspension hanging from a lack of blood flow. Like literally, from the videos I saw, people lower themselves slowly and before they even realize what's happening their hands drop and they're unconscious extremely quickly.

However if the noose is placed in the wrong spot, it can be a long and agonizing death.

Things should go better tonight. Was worried I didn't feel that suicidal anymore when I woke up but I quickly remembered why this timeline I'm in is cursed and ctb is my best alternative at this stage

Well I also haven't thought the specifics through but I mean nothing you say is actually going to make it easier so might as well be funny . I was just thinking of leaving a location text and just a physical note aside from the one for my family to clarify that there's no possibility of abetment of suicide and I wish for my death to not be publicized in any manner , cos I don't want the cops going through my shit or the media sensationalizing my death for any reason . Also, since I plan to ctb in another state it increases the chances of not being found quickly enough or being a topic of discussion and I don't want either .

I also saw the videos and it did seem peaceful and not grotesque unlike shooting , looked like a person being lulled into sleep . Messing it up scares me too .

Its the same for me , even though I sleep hoping I don't wake up tomorrow and wake up hating the fact that I have to go through it one more time , everyday 30 mins before sleeping I think tomorrow will be a very different day and 30 mins after waking up I think that it will change today but it never does .

I wish you luck with whatever you choose.