Hello everyone,
As you can tell by the title, I have made my decision to finally use my bus ticket
. My bus departs in 2 days (Feb 13).
Short Life Story
I have been depressed and suicidal ever since I was 13 yrs old. Every year I thought my life would change for the better, but I was left disappointed each time.
I've been alone for as long as I can remember. I went through my school years without making a single friend. This was mostly due to my social anxiety and low self esteem. I've tried for many years to overcome my SA, but when you've been suffering for that long it can be hard to gain social skills and make genuine connections.
I always thought that when I turned 18 if nothing changed, I would CTB, but instead I waited 3 more years to see if being an "adult" would change things, and boy was I wrong
.
I am now a 21 year old Virgin, a college dropout with 10k in debt, and still got 0 friends, and have never had a girlfriend. I don't see a future for me worth living, and would rather not continue suffering with no purpose in life.
*End of story*
My method is going to be SN. I don't have a lot of fancy stuff, just gonna use what I found easy to get:
- SN from ic (25g).
- 2 cups of 50ml water.
- ibuprofen.
- dimenhydrinate (gravol).
- Benzocaine (Mouth sore gel to numb my tastebuds to help with the saltiness).
- might smoke a blunt before as well.
- Plan to fast for 8 - 10 hrs.
- booked hotel for 3 night stay.
That is all I will be using to ctb. I will also be messaging in this thread to document my symptoms and pain during the attempt.
I will say my final goodbye to everyone when the time comes.
For now, if you have any questions, please ask them below, but please avoid trying to talk me out of it. I have made my decision and do not plan on backing out
