Final Goodbye (SN)🕊

[Sittichmutter]

Dear E,
I am really sorry about your loneliness and unhappyness.
I will try to hold my mouth to not talk you out of this, like you asked.
Do you have family? Parents? Siblings?
How about treatment for your mental condition? Have you ever been treated?
You are quite young. Everything could happen...

 

[Lavender Dreams]

I'm extremely sorry that life brought you to this. I can sympathise with you here, being someone who had severe social anxiety in the past and avoided contact with most people unless it was absolutely necessary. I don't intend to come across as disrespectful of your choice, but I do share the sentiment of the two posters above me. It's a pain to get to the point where social anxiety is manageable, but it's by no means impossible. You have plenty of time to turn it all around. If you're in any doubt about this, feel free to reach out and maybe talk about other avenues you can pursue.

In case you're set on your decision, I hope that you'll be at peace.

 

[Dolphin55]

I'm so sorry. I wish you a peaceful journey. I do agree with the others above, it's not too late to turn it around if you want to keep trying, it is possible to overcome SA, possible you could still live a happy life one day. But if you've simply had enough I have a lot of respect for that, and I really hope you find the peace you're after.

I'm kinda in a similar boat where my loneliness and anxiety has made me really want to ctb, I'm 22 and I also have had zero friends or a boyfriend. If you want to talk please feel free. You're not alone.

I'm truly sorry to hear life has brought you to this point... I do respect your decision but also I try to remind people as someone in their late 20s that 20s is a very rough time.. I didn't really "level out" or get the things I wanted out of life until very recently until I'm almost 30. Just some food for thought...

Also, I do worry a bit that you have no benzodiazepines or AE in your regimen... You may be very uncomfortable if you proceed with what you listed and I don't think you deserve that feeling

I think dimenhydrinate is the AE? And don't benzos only help with anxiety - so they're not necessary if you're not concerned about being too anxious

 

[TapeMachine]

I wish you all the best, and I hope you finally find peace and refuge. I won't be far behind you. ❤

 

[enditplz]

Good luck and I wish you a peaceful journey to the other side.

 

[disasterplant]

your situation is quite similar to mine, friend. i understand your pain.

farewell <3 and just know that if you ultimately don't decide to go through with it, there's no guilt in that.

best of wishes, whichever you decide to do.

 

[sulli]

i'm sorry this life has failed you so thoroughly. one day we'll all be right behind you. safe travels, friend

 

[sadDaysAhead]

I wish you the best journey possible this life is not worth living :(

 

[EndlessDespair]

I'm truly sorry to hear life has brought you to this point... I do respect your decision but also I try to remind people as someone in their late 20s that 20s is a very rough time.. I didn't really "level out" or get the things I wanted out of life until very recently until I'm almost 30. Just some food for thought...

Also, I do worry a bit that you have no benzodiazepines or AE in your regimen... You may be very uncomfortable if you proceed with what you listed and I don't think you deserve that feeling

I'm not really worried about it being uncomfortable, I've come to realization that no matter what method I do or how I do its always going to be uncomfortable. The world makes it too hard to obtain the things I need for a comfortable dth. So I will just work with what I have. I hope the Marijuana makes me feel a bit more comfortable tho.

 

[heavyeyes]

I'm sorry everything you've been through has brought you to this. You deserve to be happy. Good luck and may you have a peaceful journey <3

 

[lonewolf22]

I'm much older than you. I still have a bit of social anxiety but not to the same degree as when I was your age. At 21 I had full blown SA and the more severe kind, avoidant personality disorder. It does get better with age. However it does really set you back socially if you allow it to linger for as long as I did. You still have time.

 

[foreversad16]

Hello everyone,

As you can tell by the title, I have made my decision to finally use my bus ticket . My bus departs in 2 days (Feb 13).

Short Life Story

I have been depressed and suicidal ever since I was 13 yrs old. Every year I thought my life would change for the better, but I was left disappointed each time.

I've been alone for as long as I can remember. I went through my school years without making a single friend. This was mostly due to my social anxiety and low self esteem. I've tried for many years to overcome my SA, but when you've been suffering for that long it can be hard to gain social skills and make genuine connections.

I always thought that when I turned 18 if nothing changed, I would CTB, but instead I waited 3 more years to see if being an "adult" would change things, and boy was I wrong.

I am now a 21 year old Virgin, a college dropout with 10k in debt, and still got 0 friends, and have never had a girlfriend. I don't see a future for me worth living, and would rather not continue suffering with no purpose in life.

*End of story*

My method is going to be SN. I don't have a lot of fancy stuff, just gonna use what I found easy to get:

- SN from ic (25g).
- 2 cups of 50ml water.
- ibuprofen.
- dimenhydrinate (gravol).
- Benzocaine (Mouth sore gel to numb my tastebuds to help with the saltiness).
- might smoke a blunt before as well.
- Plan to fast for 8 - 10 hrs.
- booked hotel for 3 night stay.


That is all I will be using to ctb. I will also be messaging in this thread to document my symptoms and pain during the attempt.

I will say my final goodbye to everyone when the time comes.

For now, if you have any questions, please ask them below, but please avoid trying to talk me out of it. I have made my decision and do not plan on backing out

Seems to me like you have made some friends here, hang on in there, see what happens Xxxx

 

[FireWalkWithMe]

21 is very young man. It may seem bleak, but I have seen many people change quite drastically in their mid 20s. When that happens, fortunes can also change.

Ultimately it's completely your call but worth considering.

 

[UntilTheLast]

I'm sorry that your life has been so hard for so long. I'm sorry that your efforts to make it better ended up being as helpful as screaming into the void. It sounds like you've given life a fair chance, and that it hasn't delivered a damn thing. I'm sorry that things haven't gotten better for you.

I'm not going to try to talk you out of it - no one has the right to make this decision except for you - but I do want to throw something out there: sometimes facing the open maw of the Bus's door (or whatever metaphor you want to use) can show you things that aren't possible to know beforehand. Things that might not change anything for you... but that also might. And if that happens, it's okay to let that information change things for you. It's not wrong to choose to die. But it's also not wrong to choose to live. It's your choice, and yours alone, right up until the bitter end.

 

[ephemerality]

i'm so sorry that you've reached this point. i hope you find peace, whatever your decision <3

 

[arcadia]

I wish you the best

 

[existenceisacurse]

That won't work for avoiding expelling harsh stomach contents, you need a serotonin receptor agonist type AE to really suppress the intense nausea that SN would cause.

Benzodiazepines are used to put you to sleep so you don't feel the discomfort of the SN. PPeH recommends quite a high dose. Especially because they are obtainable legally, they are essential for the "peaceful" part of the regimen.

This is why it's really important for people to chemically understand the "peaceful pill" combo they choose... No one deserves discomfort for an already huge decision to ctb, and I feel like OP who is already in pain doesn't deserve more pain.

I'm leaning towards a diff method for myself but AEs and benzos are fairly easy to acquire. I just want OP to understand the risks of going forward without a complete regimen.

I managed to find ondansetron but if I don't get a dopamine antagonist then I will have to go with ondansetron only so hopefully it will help when I take 120 crushed pills

 

[EndlessDespair]

That won't work for avoiding expelling harsh stomach contents, you need a serotonin receptor agonist type AE to really suppress the intense nausea that SN would cause.

Benzodiazepines are used to put you to sleep so you don't feel the discomfort of the SN. PPeH recommends quite a high dose. Especially because they are obtainable legally, they are essential for the "peaceful" part of the regimen.

This is why it's really important for people to chemically understand the "peaceful pill" combo they choose... No one deserves discomfort for an already huge decision to ctb, and I feel like OP who is already in pain doesn't deserve more pain.

I'm leaning towards a diff method for myself but AEs and benzos are fairly easy to acquire. I just want OP to understand the risks of going forward without a complete regimen.

I need a prescription to get benzos in canada, which would take too much time. Like I said alrdy I do not care about the pain or discomfort. I have alrdy prepared myself mentally and will be making my attempt tommorow. Plenty of people have been successful without benzos. Please do not continue to try and discourage me.

 

[letsmokerr]

Hello everyone,

As you can tell by the title, I have made my decision to finally use my bus ticket . My bus departs in 2 days (Feb 13).

Short Life Story

I have been depressed and suicidal ever since I was 13 yrs old. Every year I thought my life would change for the better, but I was left disappointed each time.

I've been alone for as long as I can remember. I went through my school years without making a single friend. This was mostly due to my social anxiety and low self esteem. I've tried for many years to overcome my SA, but when you've been suffering for that long it can be hard to gain social skills and make genuine connections.

I always thought that when I turned 18 if nothing changed, I would CTB, but instead I waited 3 more years to see if being an "adult" would change things, and boy was I wrong.

I am now a 21 year old Virgin, a college dropout with 10k in debt, and still got 0 friends, and have never had a girlfriend. I don't see a future for me worth living, and would rather not continue suffering with no purpose in life.

*End of story*

My method is going to be SN. I don't have a lot of fancy stuff, just gonna use what I found easy to get:

- SN from ic (25g).
- 2 cups of 50ml water.
- ibuprofen.
- dimenhydrinate (gravol).
- Benzocaine (Mouth sore gel to numb my tastebuds to help with the saltiness).
- might smoke a blunt before as well.
- Plan to fast for 8 - 10 hrs.
- booked hotel for 3 night stay.


That is all I will be using to ctb. I will also be messaging in this thread to document my symptoms and pain during the attempt.

I will say my final goodbye to everyone when the time comes.

For now, if you have any questions, please ask them below, but please avoid trying to talk me out of it. I have made my decision and do not plan on backing out

Not going to talk you out of it. Just sounds like you still have a lot of possibilities out there. 10k isn't a lot. Ice made it to 23 can't Even imagine being 21 again… best of luck to you, find peace

 

[LunaXCBN]

See you around, friend. Sorry it had to come to this.

 

[bloomingdark]

I hope it's painless and you get to a nice place good and safe trip!

 

[stermc]

Have a safe and peaceful journey! I am sorry this world disappointed you. You deserve better. May you find freedom, peace and connection.

 

[heyrabu]

I hope you can find the happiness you are looking for after all this ends.
Thanks for holding on all this time, you are such a strong individual. You deserve better

 

[leeloosnow]

farewell fellow traveler, fly free <3

 

[Infinite Conscious]

I didn't want to say anything at first, but OP's regiment is a recipe for disaster.
It screams "failure" from a mile away... only 1 glass of 25g and no sufficient AE?
She will vomit her guts out and we'll be reading about yet another SN failed attempt... well, duh, no shit?

OP, I wish you all the best, a LOT OF LUCK, and I wish you a safe travel and may your guardian soul meet you by tonight.
But if we meet again here... it's OK. Every school is paid for.

 

[ElfenLied]

If that's what you really want, I wish you the best, my friend, may everything go well with you, and hope you find peace..

Who knows, maybe I can even join you on the other side.

 

[EndlessDespair]

I didn't want to say anything at first, but OP's regiment is a recipe for disaster.
It screams "failure" from a mile away... only 1 glass of 25g and no sufficient AE?
She will vomit her guts out and we'll be reading about yet another SN failed attempt... well, duh, no shit?

OP, I wish you all the best, a LOT OF LUCK, and I wish you a safe travel and may your guardian soul meet you by tonight.
But if we meet again here... it's OK. Every school is paid for.

I have 2 glasses of 25g....but go off. If you don't have anything good to say simply keep scrolling. Many people have succeeded without AE.

 

[starbright2155]

@EndlessDespair is there anything I can do to delay your attempt to CTB just a little bit?

 

[EndlessDespair]

Just checked into my hotel. Will be making my attempt in about 6 or 7 hours. If I have the strength I will update you all of my symptoms and pain level. Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I'm glad I was able to be a part of such a great community and hope that SaSu continues to stay up for many years, so the people in this world suffering with depression can have a place to vent without being judged. I will continue to update as I get closer to my attempt

 

[lebrodude]

It's not too late to change your mind if you have even the tiniest thought you can heal from whatever pain has brought you here.

However if your mind is set, I wish you a peaceful journey and send love your way.