Discussion Feeling guilty for wanting to recover?

[Cloud Busting]

Anyone relate to this?

Like, I feel like a fraud, like my pain isn't real if I'm able to get over it.

I would feel bad recovering after witnessing people try to get better for years, only to find no relief. I feel like recovery would make me a traitor or something. Like I'd be a slap in the face to people who struggle.

Plus recovery isn't really about getting rid of suffering, just coping with it, which is kinda depressing lol

 

[Enlighten]

I have had feelings of not wanting to recover, but not like feeling a fraud for it. You may feel that way because of the way this forum tends to act.
It is a choice in the end. Many people here choose to die, you don't have to if you have the desire to recover. This isn't the only place you can feel at home at.
Recovery is about finding joy in life again. It won't be a switch you flip & you suddenly like everything again. Nobody likes everything about life. You have to find little pockets of joy here and there and that might make your life worth living. I don't know what the future holds either.

 

[carac]

Pain is a very funny thing, we all get it and it can serve many purposes. Sometimes we get it as an alarm that we are in danger or hurting our bodies or something is wrong. Sometimes it can have an abstract purpose, it can be there to distract us from something else, sometimes the unconscious brain would rather feel pain than suffer stress. Sometimes we even strangely feel like with deserve it or need it.

Firstly I want say that don't think about only managing the pain, be optimistic, think about beating it. It can be possible.
Secondly, don't feel bad, most people with pain would be overjoyed to hear somebody else isn't going through the same thing they are, I wouldnt wish my pain, when I had it severe, on my worst enemy.

 

[Cloud Busting]

I have had feelings of not wanting to recover, but not like feeling a fraud for it. You may feel that way because of the way this forum tends to act.
It is a choice in the end. Many people here choose to die, you don't have to if you have the desire to recover. This isn't the only place you can feel at home at.
Recovery is about finding joy in life again. It won't be a switch you flip & you suddenly like everything again. Nobody likes everything about life. You have to find little pockets of joy here and there and that might make your life worth living. I don't know what the future holds either.

I didn't want to recover when I first joined, but when I failed my attempt I shifted gears. It went from feeling like too much effort and something I don't deserve to being worth it.

It shouldn't make me feel like shit to want to do better. I think suffering just becomes your identity or whatever, which is why I feel like a traitor. It's like I'm losing apart of myself, and if the sad girl persona I developed sheds, it wasn't "real." It doesn't make sense. Some people recover from cancer. It doesn't mean they never had it, or that they're spiting victims who passed away because they survived.

I've thought about taking a break from this forum, because I think it drags me down. However, it's like the only space where I can be honest. When you fail an attempt, you are supposed to get help and get over it. It doesn't work like that, but no one cares. People don't like whiners, but I like to vent. This is a place where I can.

Firstly I want say that don't think about only managing the pain, be optimistic, think about beating it. It can be possible.

Every time I search for meaning or joy, I never find it, which depresses me further. I think managing pain is a more realistic goal for me. Beating it feels like a lot of pressure.

I was nervous to study it cuz I don't want to be some dumb new age crystal woo white girl, but I found some free classes on Buddhism I want to take. I like the idea that life is inherent suffering, and the only way to escape inherent suffering is through enlightenment. It makes sense to me.

Secondly, don't feel bad, most people with pain would be overjoyed to hear somebody else isn't going through the same thing they are, I wouldnt wish my pain, when I had it severe, on my worst enemy.

This is important to remember. If someone recovers, I may be jealous, but overall I think "good on them." I know in the end, people would prefer if I recovered than if I CTB, and so would I.

I try to remember not to lose my compassion. I guess I'm scared of becoming a self-righteous type who uses my recovery as "inspiration" and shits on people for not recovering or finding hope. Those people are the worst. I hope to not become that kind of person.

I guess I'm stuck in the trap of feeling like the only way to prove my pain is real is to ctb. Idk how to break that mentality.

 

[Enlighten]

I didn't want to recover when I first joined, but when I failed my attempt I shifted gears. It went from feeling like too much effort and something I don't deserve to being worth it.

It shouldn't make me feel like shit to want to do better. I think suffering just becomes your identity or whatever, which is why I feel like a traitor. It's like I'm losing apart of myself, and if the sad girl persona I developed sheds, it wasn't "real." It doesn't make sense. Some people recover from cancer. It doesn't mean they never had it, or that they're spiting victims who passed away because they survived.

I've thought about taking a break from this forum, because I think it drags me down. However, it's like the only space where I can be honest. When you fail an attempt, you are supposed to get help and get over it. It doesn't work like that, but no one cares. People don't like whiners, but I like to vent. This is a place where I can.

You can just make friends here, add them on other media & vent to them. Although the forum is beautiful in it's ability to be brutally honest, it undoubtedly has dragged down people who only needed a little extra tug. If you think that's the right thing to do, that's what you should do.

 

[Cloud Busting]

You can just make friends here, add them on other media & vent to them. Although the forum is beautiful in it's ability to be brutally honest, it undoubtedly has dragged down people who only needed a little extra tug. If you think that's the right thing to do, that's what you should do.

I think the forum is a nice space for the time being, but it's interesting you mention this as this has been my plan recently.

Im not quite ready to leave SaSu tho

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I think the forum is a nice space for the time being, but it's interesting you mention this as this has been my plan recently.

Im not quite ready to leave SaSu tho

And you don't have to leave .
Why? I know more users who are recovered/ working on it.

You could stay in the recovery section and answer questions about recovery for example.


I don't want to die, chose to live years ago, but I found and still find a home on Sasu.

And before the questions come again. I'm here because even though I chose life, it's not easy with 4 different diagnosis. Pro choice, not pro suicide.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

It's like I'm losing apart of myself, and if the sad girl persona I developed sheds, it wasn't "real."

I relate to the sentiment. This really touched me and I've been pondering it through the lens of parts work - particularly Internal Family Systems (IFS).

Something I've been working on in my recovery is trying to acknowledge this sad part as a part of me. As a part of me, it has valid feelings and important insights into what it means to be me. The pain of that part is definitely very real, but it isn't the totality of what it means to be me.

I get the feeling of being a traitor - as if you're giving up on your world view. Perhaps a way of countering that can be working to maintain connection with that part. In that way you can honor their outlook and interests. For me a big way that I do that is enjoying some sad music and dark thoughts every now and then. A shift in outlook from abandoning the sad self to try to be happy, to incorporating it as an aspect of yourself may be helpful.

 

[Cloud Busting]

I don't want to die, chose to live years ago, but I found and still find a home on Sasu.

And before the questions come again. I'm here because even though I chose life, it's not easy with 4 different diagnosis. Pro choice, not pro suicide.

It's good to have a diverse user base so this forum doesn't become an echo chamber. Pro recovery is part of pro-choice imo, as long as it's not forced on anyone.

Recovery is not the linear process people make it out to be. You don't just take a pill, go to therapy, and suddenly you're better. There's no cure for suffering. People who haven't been there don't want to hear it though. So it's nice to have a space where you can be honest.

I think I dwell too much on my suffering tho. Idk if I will continue to stay or not. We'll see (:

@AllCatsAreGrey I've never heard of IFS before. Also that's a great way to look at it, as just the sum of one's parts, and not a singular identity.

The more I think of it, living a merely tragic life is not a well rounded way to live. I'm not abandoning anything; just becoming more complex as a person.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

I think I dwell too much on my suffering tho. Idk if I will continue to stay or not. We'll see (:

Whatever your choice, I wish you the best.

Recovery is not the linear process people make it out to be. You don't just take a pill, go to therapy, and suddenly you're better. There's no cure for suffering. People who haven't been there don't want to hear it though. So it's nice to have a space where you can be honest.

Well said! It wasn't until coming upon SaSu that I grasped the importance of choice. In that choice there is space for recovery. The most important thing in what recovery looks like is we choose how we want it to look like. It's not a black or white matter and one doesn't cancel out the other.

Thanks for sharing OP.

A little sidebar...

Your mention here about the fact there is no cure for suffering makes me think of a talk by a Japanese Zen master. Basically, he notes how there is a bluejay that is making a lot of noise during meditation and elaborates on the distinction between noise and sound. How by perceiving a sound as a noise we create the context of suffering.

Here's the talk I'm referring to:


Sometimes I remember this talk when I'm adding that extra layer to my suffering.