What coping strategies make suicide seem less scary?

[alexlynn74]

I know I want to die. If I had N, a gun or even SN, I'd be long gone by now. But the only options I really have access to are jumping, drowning and H2S (please don't suggest Nitrogen - I've tried it and for some reason it makes me freak out and feel like I'm suffocating). So all of my possible option I feel like have a pretty decent shot of actually working, although they all seem scary, for each I'd have to travel and get a hotel room or an Airbnb somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

And because of this there's just so much time for my SI to kick in and make me back out, which will probably get me put back in a psych ward. I also want it to be relatively peaceful, right up until the moment I CTB. I don't want to be balling my eyes out, feel to depressed to get out of bed, I want to actually look forward to finding forever peace.

Sometimes when I get down about suicide, I watch videos/new reports of seemingly normal, attractive and famous people who have committed and it makes me feel a bit better. Sometimes I look up suicide stats and realize my reason for wanting to die are common, I also call distress hotlines, not to try and talk me out of suicide, just to help me calm down. And lastly, I make lists of all the things I won't have to go through if I CTB.

But I need more help, suggestions to help me calm down and fight my SI. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[smvrtsa]

If you have access to drugs, benzos and weed are both great for anxiety. Otherwise, I think not just listing things you won't have to go through, but also any awful things that you already have went through would be a bittersweet reminder.

 

[Circles]

Death is going to happen regardless whatever we do we can't escape it. It doesn't matter if you make peace with it or not. Everyone will experience It. At least with suicide you have the control you never got to have in life. You never chose to be born, never had a choice on how your life plays out, but with suicide we do. In a sense suicide is the true expression of free-will cause you get to decide your own fate.

Also the sheer pointlessness of it all. There's nothing particularly wrong with nothingness happening after death especially since I personally wish it happens. But the fact remains that if we're all going to instantly forget we ever lived at all then what was the purpose or lack thereof for a short existence just to go back to the eternal nothingness we came from?

 

[AlexYaBoy]

I know I want to die. If I had N, a gun or even SN, I'd be long gone by now. But the only options I really have access to are jumping, drowning and H2S (please don't suggest Nitrogen - I've tried it and for some reason it makes me freak out and feel like I'm suffocating). So all of my possible option I feel like have a pretty decent shot of actually working, although they all seem scary, for each I'd have to travel and get a hotel room or an Airbnb somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

And because of this there's just so much time for my SI to kick in and make me back out, which will probably get me put back in a psych ward. I also want it to be relatively peaceful, right up until the moment I CTB. I don't want to be balling my eyes out, feel to depressed to get out of bed, I want to actually look forward to finding forever peace.

Sometimes when I get down about suicide, I watch videos/new reports of seemingly normal, attractive and famous people who have committed and it makes me feel a bit better. Sometimes I look up suicide stats and realize my reason for wanting to die are common, I also call distress hotlines, not to try and talk me out of suicide, just to help me calm down. And lastly, I make lists of all the things I won't have to go through if I CTB.

But I need more help, suggestions to help me calm down and fight my SI. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

May not be your time yet, man. It's normal to be very, very afraid. Take it from me and hanging. Got very intoxicated, and I still backed out. No shame in that. If it happens, then it should happen naturally.

A flowing river, not a tsunami. Ya dig?

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

I know I want to die. If I had N, a gun or even SN, I'd be long gone by now. But the only options I really have access to are jumping, drowning and H2S (please don't suggest Nitrogen - I've tried it and for some reason it makes me freak out and feel like I'm suffocating). So all of my possible option I feel like have a pretty decent shot of actually working, although they all seem scary, for each I'd have to travel and get a hotel room or an Airbnb somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

And because of this there's just so much time for my SI to kick in and make me back out, which will probably get me put back in a psych ward. I also want it to be relatively peaceful, right up until the moment I CTB. I don't want to be balling my eyes out, feel to depressed to get out of bed, I want to actually look forward to finding forever peace.

Sometimes when I get down about suicide, I watch videos/new reports of seemingly normal, attractive and famous people who have committed and it makes me feel a bit better. Sometimes I look up suicide stats and realize my reason for wanting to die are common, I also call distress hotlines, not to try and talk me out of suicide, just to help me calm down. And lastly, I make lists of all the things I won't have to go through if I CTB.

But I need more help, suggestions to help me calm down and fight my SI. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

From what you've said it sounds like you don't have a method you think would be peaceful enough

 

[AkaRed]

I know I want to die. If I had N, a gun or even SN, I'd be long gone by now. But the only options I really have access to are jumping, drowning and H2S (please don't suggest Nitrogen - I've tried it and for some reason it makes me freak out and feel like I'm suffocating). So all of my possible option I feel like have a pretty decent shot of actually working, although they all seem scary, for each I'd have to travel and get a hotel room or an Airbnb somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

And because of this there's just so much time for my SI to kick in and make me back out, which will probably get me put back in a psych ward. I also want it to be relatively peaceful, right up until the moment I CTB. I don't want to be balling my eyes out, feel to depressed to get out of bed, I want to actually look forward to finding forever peace.

Sometimes when I get down about suicide, I watch videos/new reports of seemingly normal, attractive and famous people who have committed and it makes me feel a bit better. Sometimes I look up suicide stats and realize my reason for wanting to die are common, I also call distress hotlines, not to try and talk me out of suicide, just to help me calm down. And lastly, I make lists of all the things I won't have to go through if I CTB.

But I need more help, suggestions to help me calm down and fight my SI. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

It can be really difficult grappling with the fact that the only real options you have are completely filled with any and all reasons for SI to kick in at any time. I have the same issue, honestly.

If you specifically want the moment to be peaceful, I actually find it's better to think positively about the things you have gotten to experience- and positive memories you've shared. You can add some harder times in to prevent talking yourself out of it, but a sense of fulfillment and being complete enough is really important.

If you have anxiety, try any sort of medication- or as stated above, benzos, weed, etc. are really good.
You could alternatively try just being tipsy/drunk if that helps at all. Could also just lower the chances of SI kicking in because you're sloshed.

Listen to some good music, something nostalgic and happy. Maybe have something with you that makes you feel less alone if that's any concern, and have a good couple of days/week before you finally CTB so everything feels like it's in the right place, at the right time.

Unfortunately environmental specifics with CTB do prevent you from choosing your ideal location, but if you can find anywhere nice enough and attach some meaning to that, it may be a great help if you feel like you're dying somewhere comfortable or with a nice view.

Make sure any last words for your loved ones are thorough if you want to leave anything, and if after-death planning is important, make a note for them to know what to in terms of your remains and funeral. Might give you a bit of peace knowing that they have instructions left behind and you'll get the proper send off you want, yknow?

If you're religious at all, tap into whichever beliefs feel right to you and send a couple prayers for yourself. Manifest your own Heaven, even if that is to mean eternal nothingness.

Wishing you the best!

<3