Feeling at peace

[milkovich]

I've decided on my method, and I feel so much more at peace. I struggle with severe anxiety and panic attacks, but since choosing my method I've only had maybe thirty second bursts of anxiety compared to the multiple panic attacks I've had daily for years now. My general mood is also completely different. Usually I go between feeling incredibly angry, despairing, or just completely blank, but now I feel pretty blissful. It's a very comforting feeling. The last time I attempted was rushed and almost spur of the moment, so the calm only hit me while I was in the act. It wasn't as strong as this either. I feel almost happy for the first time in months. I hope the feeling lasts until I actually ctb. Hopefully only a few more days as I need to set some things up for my dog, but then I'll be free & I'm much more sure of my method this time. It's such a wonderful feeling to know that I'm going to make it out

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I've decided on my method, and I feel so much more at peace. I struggle with severe anxiety and panic attacks, but since choosing my method I've only had maybe thirty second bursts of anxiety compared to the multiple panic attacks I've had daily for years now. My general mood is also completely different. Usually I go between feeling incredibly angry, despairing, or just completely blank, but now I feel pretty blissful. It's a very comforting feeling. The last time I attempted was rushed and almost spur of the moment, so the calm only hit me while I was in the act. It wasn't as strong as this either. I feel almost happy for the first time in months. I hope the feeling lasts until I actually ctb. Hopefully only a few more days as I need to set some things up for my dog, but then I'll be free & I'm much more sure of my method this time. It's such a wonderful feeling to know that I'm going to make it out

What method have you decided on?

 

[milkovich]

What method have you decided on?

I've decided on an inert gas setup with nitrogen

 

[Coconteppi]

I've decided on my method, and I feel so much more at peace. I struggle with severe anxiety and panic attacks, but since choosing my method I've only had maybe thirty second bursts of anxiety compared to the multiple panic attacks I've had daily for years now. My general mood is also completely different. Usually I go between feeling incredibly angry, despairing, or just completely blank, but now I feel pretty blissful. It's a very comforting feeling. The last time I attempted was rushed and almost spur of the moment, so the calm only hit me while I was in the act. It wasn't as strong as this either. I feel almost happy for the first time in months. I hope the feeling lasts until I actually ctb. Hopefully only a few more days as I need to set some things up for my dog, but then I'll be free & I'm much more sure of my method this time. It's such a wonderful feeling to know that I'm going to make it out

Lol this is so similar to what I was just talking about on a different post! I'm glad you're feeling well too! :)
I also hope that you're bliss continues :D
P.s. love the dog part. I'm gonna go on my final walk with mine later today! :)

 

[milkovich]

Lol this is so similar to what I was just talking about on a different post! I'm glad you're feeling well too! :)
I also hope that you're bliss continues :D
P.s. love the dog part. I'm gonna go on my final walk with mine later today! :)

I hope you enjoy your walk!! I hadn't even thought of planning a final walk with my dog, that sounds like such a nice send off

 

[Coconteppi]

I hope you enjoy your walk!! I hadn't even thought of planning a final walk with my dog, that sounds like such a nice send off

Thank you so much, you're kind! Ikr, I love my pup and the day is really nice. I thought I'd walk and talk with him about what's been going on with me recently. He's so pure and I'll have to be sure to give him an bunch of tummy rubs before I ctb. I really think you should if you're up to it! I'm sure you're pup would love it too! :)

 

[milkovich]

Thank you so much, you're kind! Ikr, I love my pup and the day is really nice. I thought I'd walk and talk with him about what's been going on with me recently. He's so pure and I'll have to be sure to give him an bunch of tummy rubs before I ctb. I really think you should if you're up to it! I'm sure you're pup would love it too! :)

That sounds so nice, I'm sure your dog will enjoy it I'm stocking mine up on treats & getting her a new orthopedic bed before I ctb to make sure the family who will have her has the kind she likes & a comfier spot for her since she's used to sleeping with me! I'm definitely gonna try getting a good walk in with her in the next few days now, thanks for the idea lol

 

[LunarLight]

It's pretty common actually. Many suicidal people feel relieved when they are about to CTB. That's basically one of the signs that should alert people around.

 

[Coconteppi]

That sounds so nice, I'm sure your dog will enjoy it I'm stocking mine up on treats & getting her a new orthopedic bed before I ctb to make sure the family who will have her has the kind she likes & a comfier spot for her since she's used to sleeping with me! I'm definitely gonna try getting a good walk in with her in the next few days now, thanks for the idea lol

Of course, I'm happy I could help! I love to hear it! The bed is a good idea. I'm sure she will love it! :D

 

[milkovich]

It's pretty common actually. Many suicidal people feel relieved when they are about to CTB. That's basically one of the signs that should alert people around.

Oh I know, that's actually gotten me caught before Still a good feeling though!!

 

[Coconteppi]

That sounds so nice, I'm sure your dog will enjoy it I'm stocking mine up on treats & getting her a new orthopedic bed before I ctb to make sure the family who will have her has the kind she likes & a comfier spot for her since she's used to sleeping with me! I'm definitely gonna try getting a good walk in with her in the next few days now, thanks for the idea lol

The pup's Final Walk went really well. The weather although not terribly beautiful (i.e. cloudy) , was absolutely wonderful. Pup was ducking and plowing through the big gusts of wind. It was so adorable. My lil pup was so wholesome and not quite as rowdy as usual. It was kind of nice not being tugged all the way down the street lol. I hope yours goes just as well! :)

 

[salviap]

do you have an exact date of when you will execute this? is this method in the PPH or is it specific? i think it would be pretty suitable for me also, since i'm looking for something similar to this where i will receive a peaceful death.
i am so glad that you've found a good method for yourself. where do you acquire pure nitrogen?

 

[milkovich]

The pup's Final Walk went really well. The weather although not terribly beautiful (i.e. cloudy) , was absolutely wonderful. Pup was ducking and plowing through the big gusts of wind. It was so adorable. My lil pup was so wholesome and not quite as rowdy as usual. It was kind of nice not being tugged all the way down the street lol. I hope yours goes just as well! :)

That sounds super cute I'm so glad you had a good last walk with him!! Love the image of him charging in the wind lol. It's supposed to rain here tomorrow, but hopefully it'll have cleared up by the time I'm ready to go I hope all the best for you & thank you for the well wishes!!

do you have an exact date of when you will execute this? is this method in the PPH or is it specific? i think it would be pretty suitable for me also, since i'm looking for something similar to this where i will receive a peaceful death.
i am so glad that you've found a good method for yourself. where do you acquire pure nitrogen?

I don't have an exact date yet, it's dependent on a couple packages arriving just so I know everything is managed for after I ctb, but hopefully by this weekend. I believe the PPH has a section on inert gas? I know they've talked about it on their podcast. There is also the inert gas megathread on here that's linked in the stickied resources thread. I was able to access pure nitrogen because I live with an automotive welder, but I've seen people say that they've been able to just buy it from welding shops. Helium seems a little easier to get ahold of but with less certainty that it's the right purity

 

[FuneralCry]

I imagine it must be a relief to feel at peace, I wish you the best of luck in your plans.

 

[SeekingTheHorizon]

If you can, you should send your dog with some towels or blankets that have your smell on them. It sounds like she is very close to you and it will help a lot with her transition to the new family!

Best of luck, I hope you find peace

 

[milkovich]

If you can, you should send your dog with some towels or blankets that have your smell on them. It sounds like she is very close to you and it will help a lot with her transition to the new family!

Best of luck, I hope you find peace

Yeah that's something I've thought of! I have a blanket from my bed in her crate already. She'll stay living in the house we're currently at though, so it shouldn't be too big of a transition. Thank you for the well wishes