Turning 20 in august and i am not ready✨

[a_carbon_based_life]

I missed almost all major teen milestones due to trauma or mental health reasons, panic attacks whenever I entered a school building, dropped out so no graduation or prom, next to no friends from a combo of depression and bullying etc. Only ones I did hit were first kiss etc but they ended up repeatedly sa'ing me. I feel like I'm so far behind where someone my age should be. I can't hold a job because of ptsd / depression. I've tried going back to school a couple times and BARELY made either through a single class, I only leave my house like once a week. I've had 2 therapists turn me down in the past month for not feeling qualified enough time handle my case. Real fun thing to hear a month after being discharged from a mental hospital where everyone was constantly telling me how I have to keep trying. Like professionals don't even feel comfortable listening to me *talk* about my life and I'm somehow expected to both live it *and* somehow recover. I just want someone to go to concerts with and draw pictures with and who i feel safe around. That all I've wanted for so long and I still can't find it. But in 4 months I'm no longer a teenager but still equally if not more helpless than one. I'm trying, I've been working my ass off for years and I'm so tired, I've been so tired, but part of me is still trying

 

[Life_and_Death]

"milestones" are completely inaccurate. everyones life is different and those societal expectations are just that, foolish expectations that society need to learn to let go

although as someone that also didnt graduate and go to prom, those are kind of "one time" things, different from say moving out, buying a house, getting a job. i completely relate and cry every year around this time because it wasnt fair that i missed out.. (like you due to abuse)

 

[execdys]

You are in an incredibly tough position. It's hard to feel like you can't fully actualise yourself. But here is the flipside: you are only just 20. And what a time to be 20, at a time where our young generation is being called upon to help save the future. A time where we have boatloads of psychological, philosophical and spiritual tools to help guide you through your 20s. And best of all: you are starting your 20s with full awareness of the fact that you'd like life to feel, and live, different.

Here is what I recommend at the very least: read 'how we choose to be happy.' it's a great starting point for developing a mindset and outlook that will help you best actualise yourself. After that, just be part of the world. Engage with whatever you want to engage with. Do it for you. Oh and don't wait for therapy to fix you. Start the work yourself, and use therapy as a tool for when you are stuck or having trouble.

All I am qualified to say now is that your young age combined with your eagerness to grow has enormous potential. There is so much time left that any of the mistakes or missteps that have happened so far can be completely forgotten about in time.

 

[dogbreath]

Here is what I recommend at the very least: read 'how we choose to be happy.' it's a great starting point for developing a mindset and outlook that will help you best actualise yourself. After that, just be part of the world. Engage with whatever you want to engage with.

I'm sorry but it's not that easy and ngl it feels like youre invalidating their original post....I understand what ur trying to say though

Anyway,

Am so sorry you had to go thru all that, heartbreaking to know that 2 therapists turned you down Already without even referring u to anyone else.... am 21 and also missed out in a lot of milestones because of my anxiety. It's difficult watching other people around my age move on, wishing I could be like them. I mean maybe there's more people like this and they're just afraid to say it,,, I'm extremely glad sanctioned suicide exists cause I can also find people my age here going thru similar experiences and it's comforting. Wish there was a guidebook on how to live out ur teen life l ack. Am really glad you're still trying, you seem like a very cool person,,wishing u the best

 

[Linda]

I missed almost all major teen milestones due to trauma or mental health reasons, panic attacks whenever I entered a school building, dropped out so no graduation or prom, next to no friends from a combo of depression and bullying etc. Only ones I did hit were first kiss etc but they ended up repeatedly sa'ing me. I feel like I'm so far behind where someone my age should be. I can't hold a job because of ptsd / depression. I've tried going back to school a couple times and BARELY made either through a single class, I only leave my house like once a week. I've had 2 therapists turn me down in the past month for not feeling qualified enough time handle my case. Real fun thing to hear a month after being discharged from a mental hospital where everyone was constantly telling me how I have to keep trying. Like professionals don't even feel comfortable listening to me *talk* about my life and I'm somehow expected to both live it *and* somehow recover. I just want someone to go to concerts with and draw pictures with and who i feel safe around. That all I've wanted for so long and I still can't find it. But in 4 months I'm no longer a teenager but still equally if not more helpless than one. I'm trying, I've been working my ass off for years and I'm so tired, I've been so tired, but part of me is still trying

Forget about missing all the milestones. That's now history, and irrelevant. Whether you like it or not, you start from where you are now.
From where I'm standing, 20 seems very young. (I'm 70.) You have plenty of time to turn your life around, and to make up for lost time.
Are you putting yourself into situations where you have some chance of meeting the kind of friend(s) you want? You have to do that if you want to meet people.
Good luck.