Venting Too Tired To Tire Myself

[HuskyD'hiver]

I recently joined an introductory rock climbing class that will be running for 2 months every Friday for 3 hours. Right now is currently my second session and I've just sat around for an hour while everyone else was doing some simple bouldering, but honestly, I just can't even put in the effort to do anything.

Today wasn't even a bad day, but I think because of a new medication I've been taking, I've been having frequent panic attacks around this time (same thing happened halfway up a wall last week). That has just completely drained me, I can't do it; I'm simply too tired to tire myself out by exercising. I do enjoy this class and was recommended to do some sort of activity in a weekly class to help me exercise to try and improve my mood, which does seem nice to improve my mental health; everytime I'm actually in the class though, I feel just horrible... Rock climbing is something I've done throughout my whole life, but I never learned how to use anything but an auto-belay, so this class is supposed to teach me about how to tie knots and self-belay, but it's been a slog even after two weeks.

I'm the youngest person in the class (19), and even though there is one other person here who is probably a few years older than me, and two guys in their mid-20s, all the rest of the class is over 30 at least. I feel super out of place and I thought I might be able to just push past that and just climb, but I haven't really been able to do much because our instructor hasn't shown up and won't show up next week either, so they have a sub who has to deal with 2 other classes and because we're adults, she prioritizes us last with instruction.

Couple my feelings of being out of place with the frequent panic attacks; I barely feel like I'm even here. The main thing I've been thinking about every time I've come here is to climb up one of the 60ft auto-belay walls and just detach myself and jump. I don't think I will do, to how to would be traumatizing to the rest of the facility's patrons, but I can't get that thought out of my head since I got here.

 

[narayana0121]

I relate to a lot to your situation I think. It really is so hard to find the motivation to pull yourself up, when you're all alone. Rock climbing sounds like a lot of fun though, it's nice that you enjoy it at times. I feel the same way about going to the gym, I started going almost every day of the week for the past 12 months and really liked it, but recently Im struggling to find the will to keep dredging on day after day, and I havent been back for a few weeks. I dont know exactly about your class, but maybe it gets better and more fun, since it was only the second day. Im open if you want to talk more.