Discussion Does your familly love you?

[ForgottenAgain]

I don't have much family, the people that loved me already passed away (my mother, grandma and cat).

I think my father loves me but he loves me wrong.
He always put other women before his own daughters, he rarely calls me and our chats are superficial. He was only good for paying for my treatments, apart from that he didn't want to have anything to do with it.

My sister is a similar case, I think she loves me but there were several times where she hurt me deeply, one of which we spent half a year with no contact. I took care of her since mom died, my father was always an absent parent, did all the best for her and she kept hurting me.

The rest of the family are from the side of my mom and they're nice but our contact is only a call twice a year or some texts.

My real family is my boyfriend, the pillar of my life, who I know loves me unconditionally and even when I have psychotic episodes. He is the reason I'm still here and I know if I ctb he will be traumatised beyond repair...he already delt with too much death and he is too precious.

 

[LifeisDisappointing]

They say they do, but actions speak louder than words. Only sister cares

Yep. Exactly my thoughts. I'd rather have a parent that took care of me who never said it versus one who says it often but is a loser who doesn't do anything.

 

[ultraviolence]

They love me.

But they don't like me.

THIS!!! Omg a movie I love has this exact quote and it kills me every time

Sorry, could you clarify what you mean by this? I feel like I've heard it before

It means they love you because of your relationship to them but they don't like your character. The best way I can explain it is if you were a stranger they wouldn't be friends with you. But since you're related to them, they love you. I'm guilty of this, too. I love my cousin because I grew up with her and we're bonded I guess and we're related but I also do not like her in the slightest because she's uncouth, mean, and racist.

 

[ArmorFati]

My dad loves me, so I want to ctb after he's gone. No one else will care or needs to know.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It means they love you because of your relationship to them but they don't like your character. The best way I can explain it is if you were a stranger they wouldn't be friends with you. But since you're related to them, they love you. I'm guilty of this, too. I love my cousin because I grew up with her and we're bonded I guess and we're related but I also do not like her in the slightest because she's uncouth, mean, and racist.

Ooh, I see. So essentially they don't love you for you but they only love you because they gave birth to you and they're related to you via blood? Is that what you mean? If it is.. I think I may have just stumbled across a new realisation as this is exactly what my parents are like

 

[Timelapse]

Ooh, I see. So essentially they don't love you for you but they only love you because they gave birth to you and they're related to you via blood? Is that what you mean? If it is.. I think I may have just stumbled across a new realisation as this is exactly what my parents are like

Yes, that is what I meant.

 

[BringMeToLife]

My parents tell me that they love me and help me buy meds, they take me to a psychiatrist, but from their words an actions, it is obvious that they do it only out of artificial concern. I don't get real support from them. They think that they will stuff me with meds and the BURDEN which is my mental problems will disappear. I think that after my death they would be kind of sad not because of their love for me, but because they were simply used to me being somewhere in this house. I'd rather they just didn't give a fuck about me, I'm tired of their yelling at me and calling me names.

 

[poofart]

They've got their flaws, and my childhood with them was questionable, but they do love me. As the family grows, though, less attention is put on me, which I appreciate. Hopefully it'll make my eventual CTBing less painful for them.

 

[LonelyStarrySky]

They love me like any christians love you. As long as you don't bring forth any of your problems they will love you just fine. As soon as cracks start to appear in that mask of fake love it is obvios they don't know how to deal with emotional trauma, and support me the right way. Thats the type of love they give me. Its conditional love, as long as you act like everything is fine, as soon as you bring up any issues like mental health they will get mad. Truly despicable, I can't even call them my family, just a torn up failure of human trash living with which caused me to develop mental issues.

 

[qonav]

99.9% of my trauma and issues are rooted in my family and how horrible they've been to me ever since earliest childhood, dad was abusive physically and verbally, mom also abusive verbally and only ever used me as a pawn to argue with my father (they're divorced and don't see each other) she just gaslights and refuses to acknowledge any of my trauma/ issues, she just self victimises and yells that I'll regret how I treat her when she's no longer here (being avoiding her abuse and being cold and dry)
Fathers family resent me and see me as spoiled besides never caring for me.
Mother's side just make fun of my abuse and torment me every chance they get.
I envy people with normal families, knowing that no matter what I do I'll never have what many take for granted, a normal family, a normal childhood. It hurts.

 

[Ailashan]

99.9% of my trauma and issues are rooted in my family and how horrible they've been to me ever since earliest childhood, dad was abusive physically and verbally, mom also abusive verbally and only ever used me as a pawn to argue with my father (they're divorced and don't see each other) she just gaslights and refuses to acknowledge any of my trauma/ issues, she just self victimises and yells that I'll regret how I treat her when she's no longer here (being avoiding her abuse and being cold and dry)
Fathers family resent me and see me as spoiled besides never caring for me.
Mother's side just make fun of my abuse and torment me every chance they get.
I envy people with normal families, knowing that no matter what I do I'll never have what many take for granted, a normal family, a normal childhood. It hurts.

You and I have a very similar situation so i can feel you. Sending you hearts

 

[SketchedOut]

a huge portion of my trauma is rooted in being neglected as a child and my mother lashing out at me during times i needed support the most and generally being an emotionally manipulative narcissistic asshole and never taking my genuine requests to change her behavior towards me seriously. it feels like she isn't even able to comprehend that she used to actively hurt me by her actions.

on the topic of child neglect though, i was mostly neglected when i was younger. my mother only ever cared for me materially, and when she wanted to spend time with me and the rest of my family, it was barely ever the things we enjoyed, and finding some sort of a middle ground also wasn't an option in her eyes. my dad on the other hand, he practically pretended none of us existed and just kept being busy with work, which was one of the things that eventually lead to my parents divorcing. but after they have divorced, he actually realized that he is a flawed person and started working towards ironing those flaws.

i ran away from my mother's home recently. i honestly only used to live there because school was 5 minutes away and it's not the childhood town that i have connected with so much of my trauma. now that i have a fair comparison, living with my dad in that town would've been a better choice. well, eventually i snapped, and as i said, ran away from home. and after a month of living with my gf and basically completely fucking up my school situation, (i lived 3 hours away from the school i was supposed to go to), me and my dad eventually decided that i should move to his house, despite it being in my childhood town, and currently being on sale. (since my parents divorced and the house is too big for him alone, or even a whole nuclear family.) and it's honestly been great. he actually cares about me and it shows, unlike my mother who says she loves me but then ends up being abusive towards me.

so... after all this, in short, it's safe to say that i'm still really mentally unstable, but at least i'm safe and not actively suicidal anymore, so i
i'm postponing my suicide indefinitely :3 (i've been listening to underscores way too much i just had to put that reference in lmao)

 

[LittleBlackCat]

My Mother died when I was 11.. she loved me (I think) the best she could anyway, she had very bad MH issues. After she died my Dad and the rest of my family completely abandoned me. I hear from my Dad every so often but think that's only because he feels some sense of guilt. I lived with my grandma until 16 when she died.. since then I've lived with partners who have turned out to be abusive, physically and mentally.

I always question- am I a bad person? What's so wrong with me that made my family abandon me. I'm slowly learning that there is nothing wrong with me and that my Dad is a cold hearted psychopath. The realisation is not enough though and I still want to CTB. I'm determined. I feel so alone and it's fucked up that I've never experienced love. I look at other people and they all have families.. why not me?

I do not know if I believe in reincarnation but if I hope if that does happen, that I'm reincarnated into a family that loves and supports me.

I wish I had a family

Me too. It's so messed up

 

[Ailashan]

My Mother died when I was 11.. she loved me (I think) the best she could anyway, she had very bad MH issues. After she died my Dad and the rest of my family completely abandoned me. I hear from my Dad every so often but think that's only because he feels some sense of guilt. I lived with my grandma until 16 when she died.. since then I've lived with partners who have turned out to be abusive, physically and mentally.

I always question- am I a bad person? What's so wrong with me that made my family abandon me. I'm slowly learning that there is nothing wrong with me and that my Dad is a cold hearted psychopath. The realisation is not enough though and I still want to CTB. I'm determined. I feel so alone and it's fucked up that I've never experienced love. I look at other people and they all have families.. why not me?

I do not know if I believe in reincarnation but if I hope if that does happen, that I'm reincarnated into a family that loves and supports me.

Me too. It's so messed up

A lot of people here like have abusive families and wish they didn't have any. How ironic

 

[LittleBlackCat]

I'm thinking about asking why they did it, before I CTB.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

No, I came from a narcissist led home. So I grew up under conditional love or not like where your parent truly has your best interest. Narcissists can't genuinely love their children and see them as extensions of themselves but not as seperate individuals with their own seperate needs and will be different from themselves. Children from these homes can be rejected or put on a pedestal. You're either one or the other.

 

[turbomightbegone]

Only thing my family loves about me is how forcing me to overwork can gain them more popularly as they flaunt the art I put literal blood, sweat and tears in.

 

[KAZ-2Y5]

No.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

Yes, my family does love me and they will greatly affected by my passing. It is difficult to control my emotions around my loved ones these days. I have to put up a mask to appear 'normal,' when deep down, I am extremely miserable. This time of the year is particularly difficult for me. Everyone around me is embracing the holiday spirit, but I can't. I am hurting so badly, and having a loving family has not halted my despair and sense of worthlessness. I can't help but feel selfish for my feelings and impulses. I am exhausted every morning due to the toll of my despair. In the past, thoughts of my loved ones have held me back from relapse and suicide ideation. As of late, not even that can stop the way I feel or behave. I love my family, and they love me, but I know they will be better off without me.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Its not good and no they dont love me.

 

[Kit1]

I am here because of my birth family. Abandoned soon after birth, abused by many, joined borth family aged 6 and abused by them as well. Same old story till I left home as a young teenager. I am in touch with them now and relationships are often formal and strained.

Married with children and I love my own family and I know that they love me.

But I am constantly on the run from my past and flashbacks/nightmares/poor MH is constantly chasing me and in me.

 

[jackrussell023]

Family I was born into, sure. My younger brother and older sister primarily. I can't discuss things too much with my dad as he is old and can't handle the extra stresses of me saying I have ctb on my mind.

My sons are the usual teen boys amd don't engage too much and ex was a bitch who wanted to control me, and blamed me when I reacted against it.

So now I'm pretty much alone and don't really know where to find anyone who would actually want to get to know me.

 

[TorturedEnough]

I don't think so.

 

[waRmblanket]

my family loves me very much. so much that it made it hard for me to ctb, the last thing i want to do is hurt them. we have our ups and downs, but the good will always overweigh the bad.

 

[deadtrace]

They love me outwardly as much as is required to be normal. Although they still insult and berate me about how much of a disappointment I am, especially compared to my sister, which is true. They are the root of all my issues and I want nothing to do with them, but I still don't want them to find me when I CTB or anything because I just don't want to hurt anyone that much regardless of what they've done to me.

 

[Photographer Fizzle]

Virtually no one on the planet cares about my existence which is one of the main reasons I want to leave this planet and find peace

Same.
I have one online friend whom I've never met but who has been my rock for years, supportove, compassionate and empathic. He's the only one who will really care though some people will utter the usual lame platitudes. I confess I've been om the other side of it with people with whom I had lost contact. So, proof of karma? Who knows?

As for "family," i moved back in out of necessity as an actual adult. No one cares or asks how I'm doing in a way that isn't perfunctory, performativs politeness. Yoy know the question."How you doing today?"where the only desired thefore acceptable answer is a monosyllabic lie."Fine."

My online friend will be the only one who mourns me and that hurts on many levels.

They love me outwardly as much as is required to be normal. Although they still insult and berate me about how much of a disappointment I am, especially compared to my sister, which is true. They are the root of all my issues and I want nothing to do with them, but I still don't want them to find me when I CTB or anything because I just don't want to hurt anyone that much regardless of what they've done to me.

I don't want to sound pedantic or patronizing, but that doesn't sound like love to me.
I've found that you can having joking in relationships and have them be strong and loving, but the relationship must exist first. Berating and insulting eithout comfort, support, advice and consideration (and often even with all those things) is just abuse.

 

[murun_b]

Yes, believe that they do love me. But it's a weird relationship. I'm an only child and the only grandchild of my grandparents and I think that's why I'm important to them. They have always supported me (financially and otherwise), even though I have done nothing to deserve it. But at the same time, we never talk about anything important (plans, hopes, perspectives on life, ...). I would never come to them with my problems and they don't talk to me about what's going on in their lives. I'm very socially incompetent and cannot open up to people, not even to my family. And, except my mother maybe, the rest of my family is kind of socially awkward as well. We are in this weird situation where everything is perfect between us, but we are not that close either.

I often catch myself wishing I didn't have this supportive family, so I could simply kill myself without having to feel bad about it. I feel no fear or regret when I think about ending my life, but knowing that it would traumatize my parents and rob my grandparents of the few happy years they have left makes it really hard to go.