Does this site benefit you in any way?

[xmissellax]

I just joined this site after spending time reading a lot of threads. This has given me such a comfort and I have searched for years for a site like this but never found one! I'm so glad I'm not alone out there. Ironically, having access to methods allows me to stay here a little longer as at least I know I have an out if things get too tough. I'm chronically ill and have autism and OCD, and it's hell being in my brain and body every day. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 11 and I'm 28 now.

 

[vak]

Last year, I was invited by my customer to a team-building event at a marine resort (always pick a rich customer!), and one day was dedicated to the Insights team building exercise. It was the standard corporate Jungian nonsense, although surprisingly practical for navigating everyday business. The tutor was a very energetic 60-year-old Indian grandma, and at the start of the training, she promised a "psychologically safe environment". Obviously, it wasn't. The entire upper management was present, so everyone knew they should keep quiet and not say anything that could be used against them.

But that was my takeaway message, and I was contemplating where to find such an environment and how to nurture it to benefit the people around me. Clearly, it wasn't in the team-building activities, not within my family, not among my friends, and not even with my therapist and psychiatrist - in the end, I found myself pretending that my problems were getting better because they would keep repeating the same things, and I would keep saying it's just not working. By the end, I couldn't even tell them that we had only managed to create a fake and shallow environment between us that wasted everyone's time.

I looked into social networks, the usual suspects, and they are as far from safe environments as they can be. They come from a place of bad faith, yapping instead of listening, meming as an empty response to serious answers, and virtue signaling for internet fame.

However, from /r/suicidewatch, where you can't afford to be suicidal for some reason, I was redirected here and was blown away by the emotional maturity of many people here. I think when pain turns inward, there is little energy left to turn it against others. At least, this is my interpretation of why this is such a positive place. This is precisely the place I was looking for, and I'm not sure it exists anywhere else, at least for me. A safe place for me means that you can share anything without people starting to see you in a different light, without trying to fix you, use you for their own ends, make you feel guilty for your thoughts, actions, or existence.

Now, it's not all positive. A mod reached out to me a few days ago after I disabled and reinstated my account - I've done it twice, and I will probably do it many more times because I can't decide if this site is actually good for me. Not for the topics relating to CTB, which doesn't influence me either way, but for all the stuff around it.

I made the mistake of going to the sister Incel forum (knowing how SaSu began, I thought I'd have a look). I don't want to generalize this group of people, I know better, and on some level, I can sympathize with their pain. However, I opened a topic that was indirectly about me and couldn't believe the amount of hate and vitriol thrown at me for just existing. It was some 14th-century backward thinking, completely disconnected from reality. I still don't understand how they could come to such conclusions. Not that I mind too much if they would succeed in gassing me in a concentration camp, it would save me the time to acquire the means to CTB, but I'm concerned that many people here come from that crowd, and they seem to be proud and loud about it. Now, there is obviously no real danger to me, and I don't want to be a drama queen. I have enough of my real problems, but it seems so weird when I'm sharing my experience and thinking about SN as a means of getting some peace, there are people who might be thinking about Zyklon B to "help" me out. I can only hope that SaSu has nicer incels

Summing this all up, I think this is still a very magical place full of compassion, and I would like to contribute to making it the psychologically safe environment I was looking for. I might not be great at it, coming from decades of social anxiety, but I come from a place of genuine care and love. I don't intend to sway anyone in their path, but making our time here a bit more bearable, be it for a few months, days, or last minutes for some, is something I would very much like to do

 

[untothedepths]

This might be bold but I think this is one of the only places people can actually talk about things society would love nothing more than to sweep under the rug. Very few places provide a spot to actually talk about these issues freely, without being maligned or confined. This place is not just helpful to me, it's to many. It's a need. If people are concerned about others in a suicidal state that much then as far as I'm concerned society sure as shit should have done a much better job at it - and that means minimizing all the core issues that lead someone to suicide.

 

[snowlance]

Sometimes. It doesn't when I'm doing better in life, so I take a break, but I always find my way back here because of life and my parents. I find it the perfect place to ask help for resources and advice without the "you can do it if you believe in yourself" mentality. Most of you are more down to earth and logical than that.


and all of you definitely give better advice than my parents
I think most people agree on this site being a place to talk about stuff society won't talk about and it's the same for me. Anytime I feel like I cant tell anyone my problems, I always think of this place.

 

[Callie]

I rarely visit this site nowadays, but I would still say SS helps me clear my mind more than talking to family members, friends, partner, and other hypocrite-religious-people-who-can't-advise-anything-but-pray-to-God.

I got a new work this month of Feb, and I expected to get better mentally because I was thinking work would keep my mind occupied. But I didn't know I am bound to this unorganized, hell of a work environment. One month and I already got worse. I cry more often at nights (sometimes I would even wake up at dawn having a full-blown anxiety attack and wouldn't have any choice but to cry it out). I knew I've always had jaw problems but now it hurts nonstop because of endless stress. I also stress-eat a lot yet I don't gain weight. Additional to all of these, I have to stay in the city for the whole week and can only go home on weekends. I am renting with my sister-in-law boss and her right hand who have no sense of time. I am getting paid 9-5 regular working hours and yet we call it a day at 7 PM. It doesn't end there. In the apartment, they still talk about work and would set up their laptops even before we get the chance to stretch out a little and would expect me to do it as well. NOOO. It doesn't end there still. On weekends when it's off duty, they would still chat me to check emails and do work stuff. Since, they're very unorganized people, I have to learn a lot of things by myself. I am not expecting them to applaud me but to get even criticized for it because of minor errors (that wouldn't hurt the operation, mind you) is too much. But to get criticized for a task I didn't even do is HELL!

This "blessing" I was thinking got me mentally drained compared to the years and years of staying in my bedroom. And what am I doing to survive? Share with my family how stressed and dog-tired I am. I am not waiting for them to baby me, I would even accept a lip service. I just need to hear some positivity even if it's not genuine. What do I get? Gaslighting.

That a 24-hour dedication to work would make me rich. (by earning a below minimum wage? Nah.)
That I should be thankful because my boss is family. (sister-in-law. Tbh, this is turning out to be a disadvantage to me because she can reach out to me for work anytime, even on rest days)
That I finally have this opportunity to change my life. (It's changing my life, but for the worse.)
That I finally have an opportunity to buy whatever I want. (Really? With a delayed salary? And with the people at home expecting me to give them a huge part of my below minimum wage? Funny.)
That I am completely in a new environment. (Yeah, more hellish compared to my prison bedroom)
That I have the chance to travel now. (Since the nature of our work requires us to travel out of town sometimes. This I will say I agree)

OH.... AND THIS IS MY FAVORITE LINE FROM MY OTHER "RELIGIOUS" SIS-IN-LAW. "You have to endure it. Because you work for them." (What? Endure the unjust criticism? I still have to smile while taking the blow of their irresponsibility? Endure them expecting me to work like an expert when I am a complete newbie in the industry while they think up of so many excuses when they commit errors themselves when they've been doing this for years? If anything, my task in this fu*king job is to suck up all their stress, being a punching-bag, and someone to blame to when everything gets fucked up.

The only person who comforted and understood me was my foreign student, who aren't close to me at all, who lives in the exact opposite of the freaking earth, and isn't my blood at all.

And now I am on this website again because I freaking want to die and no one would judge me here if I am a piece of shit.

SO YES. This site helps me a lot than the people who called themselves expert. Than the people who prays to God. They are bull...

Currently, I am at the office. Wanna know what they're talking about? How bad cats and dogs smell when they're being grilled. Their reaction is more of on the "ew gross" side than "feeling bad" side. The most disgusting people for me are ones who have no compassion for animals.

YES. I AM IN HELL.

 

[Murt]

This site has helped me immensely. Even in my lighter moments when my drive to find a way to end this subsides it has helped me find peace and relax in these periods because I know I can come back and if it comes to it then end things. Everyone on here seems so genuine. That's a rare find in my experience.

 

[Cain.Wong]

I can't speak for others but for me. I felt better after reading posts and felt like I gained back control of my life bit. F BBC!

 

[uniqueusername4]

Hi everyone. Just out of curiousity, a while ago there was a report about this forum where the CEO of the Canadian Mental Health Association said that "[...]there is no value to this site, it doesn't benefit anyone - in fact it does quite the opposite[...]", defending the position that this forum shouldn't exist and it made me curious, is that true? Like, that person is obviously talking down to us, over us, pretending they know what we want, when they claim this forum doesn't benefit anyone despite there being clearly a demand for website like this one, right. And it seems to me people are making an account and participating here voluntarily, so I'd assume there must be some value to this website for the people who are using it. It's also important to fact-check these claims given this person seems to speak for the CMHA and it would be interesting to know if these people even remotely understand what goes on in the minds of suicidal people, if they understand what our needs and desires are and how we want society to treat us.

It seems to me these people think want to be treated like children and have other people decide what we're allowed to see and research online and what decisions we're allowed to make while I do think that people who use this forum want some degree of autonomy and a right to make their decisions regarding their own welfare and decide for themselves how they want to live this life and when they want to leave. That's how I want society to treat me, I found this forum in 2018 when I was in need for information to make my own decisions and a supportive community and I didn't agree with these experts that other people should have a right to tell me, as an autonomous adult, what I'm supposed to see online and which decisions I make for my own life, concerning my own welfare, are valid and appropiate and which aren't. I think these are deeply personal decisions and essentially nobody's business but mine. And I have a feeling that's echoed by a majority of people in this community.

So let's solve this dilemma. What do you think? I'd be curious to hear your opinion, feel free to explain your position in the comments below.

This is the only place that I can talk about how I truly feel and feel safe. Idk where I would be without the site. I think it saves more lives than anything...community is everything.

 

[Elysion]

In order to know the exact answer to this question, you have to be deeply involved in this crowd.
Only someone's goodbye message to get rid of pain has a deep impact on our hearts.
In the meantime, very useful, practical and emotional information is shared among users.
For those who have not been able to help themselves through the doctor and family support, this forum can be their last chance to make a wise and appropriate decision.
I believe that people who have chosen suicide or are thinking about it can understand each other better than ordinary people, and this is a necessity to help each other.

 

[TooConscious]

There is a lot of empathy and love to be found here, we all have different people we notice at different times I'd imagine and truthfully I probably only read as many posts as I write nowadays, because opinions on certain subjects seem to become the same after a while but I still find myself spewing my own. I'm very grateful to have had this place, just knowing there is a possible support network for anyone, mods have always treated me fairly and I've known some great people here.
I get a little upset seeing some of the infighting but considering we have been infiltrated by absolute cowardly scum who can only think to target their own discontentment with life by abusing those already in awful positions in life.
I think the community and all the cliques withing overall, as a whole, does really well.

And I say God bless , not with any religious note but I hope anyone who sees this finds the answer they're looking for in their own journey however, basically everything sounds preachy so i just hope people aren't suffering, homelessness, bullying,.chronic poverty, untreated disease, abuse, mental anguish. Thank you to everyone who has contributed sincerely to this place.

 

[ringo99]

I suffered a humiliating experience when I tried to tell a close family member about how depressed I was and my suicidal feelings. Getting things off my chest here to people going through struggles similar to mine helps tremendously giving me a sense of mental security I never had even with my own family. No one here has encouraged or discouraged me to ctb or shamed me for having such feelings. While being here doesn't help with my current situation irl it does give me a modicum of comfort that no other social media site has. Whether I ctb or not will be a decision I've made of my own free will not because SaSu pushed me into it. In fact the medical community, the government, society at large and even my own family failed me by NOT providing me help when I needed it most. This site exists for people like me who've slipped through the gaps and been ignored

 

[lostmind38]

I made an account because having read many stories, I can see that there is a strong sense of community here, and when you feel alone with your thoughts, when you are judged by everyone in life, feeling accepted, supported and understood gives you comfort and sense of belonging. It is good to be able to talk freely and express your pain without someone trying to fix you, tell you to be positive and that things will get better, without worrying that Police would turn up at your door....So, I am very grateful for this safe place.

 

[ArteriesBindEveryon]

It's helpful knowing that I'm not the only one, but I do think the site could be better. I'd like to see more people ask why someone is ending their life rather than just saying goodbye. It'd help the person trying to ctb know if it's their best option. Yes I'm aware that no one is obligated to explain why, but I think asking would be a step in the right direction.

 

[hortuslv123]

I'm new to the site and after looking for two months, I joined. I find it incredibly helpful and informative. I also find some comfort that I am not alone in facing something that's terribly difficult and yet is inevitable. I know if I feel bad or have questions, many people here can give my guidance. Life is hard, feeling alone is hard, but knowing options are available and having a choice, is comforting when the time comes..

 

[flipflop]

I am a new member and whilst I am not fully ofay with the style of communication on here, I cannot help believe that it will be of great benefit to me. I cannot discuss suicide with anyone I know as they just tell me to stop being ridiculous and the get a grip, thats not what I want to hear, I want to discuss with like-minded sympathetic people all the ins and outs, without feeling judged or belittled as a mental sufferer. I believe no-one should be belittled for wanting to discuss this subject and it should not be hidden away as it affects many people. So I think I will get a lot out of this site, exactly what, I am not sure yet, but I look forward to being with non judgemental people who understand each other and what they may be going through.

 

[unknown23]

It makes me feel less alone, and a place I can voice my opinions and questions and get serious answers. It helps me make an informed choice

 

[sylvey]

Hi everyone. Just out of curiousity, a while ago there was a report about this forum where the CEO of the Canadian Mental Health Association said that "[...]there is no value to this site, it doesn't benefit anyone - in fact it does quite the opposite[...]", defending the position that this forum shouldn't exist and it made me curious, is that true? Like, that person is obviously talking down to us, over us, pretending they know what we want, when they claim this forum doesn't benefit anyone despite there being clearly a demand for website like this one, right. And it seems to me people are making an account and participating here voluntarily, so I'd assume there must be some value to this website for the people who are using it. It's also important to fact-check these claims given this person seems to speak for the CMHA and it would be interesting to know if these people even remotely understand what goes on in the minds of suicidal people, if they understand what our needs and desires are and how we want society to treat us.

It seems to me these people think want to be treated like children and have other people decide what we're allowed to see and research online and what decisions we're allowed to make while I do think that people who use this forum want some degree of autonomy and a right to make their decisions regarding their own welfare and decide for themselves how they want to live this life and when they want to leave. That's how I want society to treat me, I found this forum in 2018 when I was in need for information to make my own decisions and a supportive community and I didn't agree with these experts that other people should have a right to tell me, as an autonomous adult, what I'm supposed to see online and which decisions I make for my own life, concerning my own welfare, are valid and appropiate and which aren't. I think these are deeply personal decisions and essentially nobody's business but mine. And I have a feeling that's echoed by a majority of people in this community.

So let's solve this dilemma. What do you think? I'd be curious to hear your opinion, feel free to explain your position in the comments below.

I imagine it'd be rare for them or anyone to understand the mind of a suicidal person, because of the fact that we can't speak freely about our desires due to forced narratives, lest we be hospitalized or medicated. And so, that really only leaves the option for them to make their own opinion about what goes on in our heads; but if we're being honest none of them would last 5 seconds in our minds.
Them and their forced positivity can burn for all I care, if I want to be a stain on the sidewalk in front of a tall building or strung up by my ceiling fan then that's my choice; and I sure as hell can say what I damn well please.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Hi everyone. Just out of curiousity, a while ago there was a report about this forum where the CEO of the Canadian Mental Health Association said that "[...]there is no value to this site, it doesn't benefit anyone - in fact it does quite the opposite[...]", defending the position that this forum shouldn't exist and it made me curious, is that true? Like, that person is obviously talking down to us, over us, pretending they know what we want, when they claim this forum doesn't benefit anyone despite there being clearly a demand for website like this one, right. And it seems to me people are making an account and participating here voluntarily, so I'd assume there must be some value to this website for the people who are using it. It's also important to fact-check these claims given this person seems to speak for the CMHA and it would be interesting to know if these people even remotely understand what goes on in the minds of suicidal people, if they understand what our needs and desires are and how we want society to treat us.

It seems to me these people think want to be treated like children and have other people decide what we're allowed to see and research online and what decisions we're allowed to make while I do think that people who use this forum want some degree of autonomy and a right to make their decisions regarding their own welfare and decide for themselves how they want to live this life and when they want to leave. That's how I want society to treat me, I found this forum in 2018 when I was in need for information to make my own decisions and a supportive community and I didn't agree with these experts that other people should have a right to tell me, as an autonomous adult, what I'm supposed to see online and which decisions I make for my own life, concerning my own welfare, are valid and appropiate and which aren't. I think these are deeply personal decisions and essentially nobody's business but mine. And I have a feeling that's echoed by a majority of people in this community.

So let's solve this dilemma. What do you think? I'd be curious to hear your opinion, feel free to explain your position in the comments below.

Let's operationalize this question objectively with a forum-wide survey :)

I'm ready to keep working on it whenever you'd like!

I imagine it'd be rare for them or anyone to understand the mind of a suicidal person, because of the fact that we can't speak freely about our desires due to forced narratives, lest we be hospitalized or medicated. And so, that really only leaves the option for them to make their own opinion about what goes on in our heads; but if we're being honest none of them would last 5 seconds in our minds.
Them and their forced positivity can burn for all I care, if I want to be a stain on the sidewalk in front of a tall building or strung up by my ceiling fan then that's my choice; and I sure as hell can say what I damn well please.

Precisely why I'm hoping to give us a bit more of a say via a forum-wide survey & manuscript covering users' experiences.

Being honest, the public is unlikely to take an opinion seriously.

But, it's hard to contradict data.

Performed anonymously, it can give us a voice. Something I think a lot of people here are missing offline.

Let's bridge the gap

 

[grahf]

It makes me feel less alone, and a place I can voice my opinions and questions and get serious answers. It helps me make an informed choice

Me too I feel less alone

 

[flowerdecay]

Yes it does, finding people to talk to about this is nearly impossible.

Definitely helpful

 

[butterball]

i'm glad SS exists, although relatively new as a member i really resonate with the truth that's spoken, which elsewhere would be shunned. SS makes me feel less alone as i can finally relate to people and be more myself.

 

[losing hope]

me 100000%
Where else does a forum allow TRUE free speech like this thread...

Masturbation to help with SN ingestion.

***Hopefully this thread can become a useful exploration/resource into this subject for anyone mature enough*** For context, here is some background on why I posted this. I am a weed & porn addict & I masturbate a lot…something like 10 times a day when high. When untake these "sessions" I've...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[soapy]

Yes I'm very new here and as if that's not enough, trying to figure all the other shit out...but not doing it alone, thats a cool place to be in.

 

[steppingoff]

The most important thing I get out of the site, is that I am not alone with these thoughts

 

[evenkeel27]

it does, when I'm alone in my room and it's getting quiet and my mind gets loud, coming on here brings me to reality with regards to the thoughts I'm having about suicide. If I'm telling myself I'm going to do something irrational relating to suicide, coming on here, getting the facts about what doing that would be like, keeps me grounded and in reality.

 

[iloverachel]

I find comfort in the fact that I am not alone in the battle with suicidal thoughts, and that I can relate with so many others.

OF course, its horrible to see others suffering the same as me, but knowing i am not fighting the battle alone is comforting i guess if that makes sense

 

[Dingusguy]

It's one of the few places I can speak my mind about how I feel when it comes to my mental health, or how I view ctb, it feels nice not being judged and not having to worry that whoever hears what I say, or in this case reads what I say will end up looking at me as if I am crazy, or worry someone is gonna try and talk me into going to a psychiatrist.

I feel as thought I am among like-minded people here on Sasu for the most part, and that is a nice feeling, because it makes me feel just that little bit less alone.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

It's one of the very few things in my life that benefits me at all anymore. I've benefited from being here so much in the last 4 years, it really helped to feel less alone in believing I should have the right to die if I choose to. It made it much easier to tolerate having to exist in the outside world, where people shove platitudes in our faces everywhere.

When I'm finally ready to leave, I'm glad that no one here will act like I betrayed them just because I didn't want to endure a life I was forced into. They won't try forcing me to stay alive against my will like everyone else, and that's worth a lot.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Not anymore, IMHO it's become a SN circle jerk. I do like to take a shot every time I see a SN post or a post that's been answered already a dozen times. It keeps me numb af.

 

[unimaginativelamp]

I come here on and off. When I'm here, I feel less alone.
Ironically, i think this site is part of why i havent killed myself, yet.