does anyone have someone they really wish loved them?

[plain_jane]

just like one person you really wish loved you but doesn't. for context, I'm polyamorous, so I'm actually dating this woman but she doesn't really love me. it's not like I'm just obsessing over someone I don't know anything about. maybe that's just how I'm dividing myself from the people I myself view as pathetic, despite how pathetic I really am. maybe some monogamous people have this experience as well, of your SO not really loving you? it feels terrible. I know there are worse things but this feels like the worst thing, I would do anything to have her love, I would fulfill her every wish faithfully. I just want to be hers.

 

[Life_and_Death]

my parents (pick 1/4)

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Yep... one girl.
She chose someone else.

 

[plain_jane]

Yep... one girl.
She chose someone else.

I am sorry.

 

[Meteora]

My "mother"

 

[Forever Sleep]

I used to. Quite a few rounds of limerence for me- obsessive crushes on people. I'm what I expect you would term 'pathetic' or- at least, I was. I can see it all for what it was now though and fortunately, I haven't fallen in that trap recently.

I do understand what you mean by the way. I'm not exactly calling you out for judging some people to be 'pathetic'. I'd like to say though, that it isn't exactly someone's fault for becoming fairytale obsessive like that. They may even realise themselves that it's kind of a foolish and extreme reaction. When you're caught up in it though, it can be hard to see the wood for the trees. Plenty of people will be only too happy to share their opinion but, that doesn't always help. In fact- if they tell you you're being immature or air headed about it, it may only intensify your feelings. No one likes being told their feelings aren't real.

I'm not meaning to have a go at you. I don't think you were really taking the piss out of these 'pathetic' people. Still, a friend of mine used to lightly tease me over stupid stuff I'd done and it did kind of hurt. I think because, on a certain level, we realise it's delussional. Especially if we feel embarassed because we know we have no real chance with them. Still- the feelings are still there none the less and they are terribly intense. Seeing as we are lead to believe that love is terribly intense too- how are we to know the difference?

I believe that limerence is a real phenomenon and it sometimes develops after people have been neglected somewhat in childhood. So, while it probably looks 'pathetic' to the outside world, I'd argue that it's actually more tragic. Kind of why people fall for romance scammers- they're simply desperately in need of love and they project what they need on that person I suppose.

Thankfully for me, it all passed over time. I looked up 'obsessive crush', found the term 'limerence' and have managed to control my crazy obsessive side since. I kind of know it was limerence too because one of the guys I liked I know is dead now and I don't feel very much at all. That would be weird if I had genuinely loved him. But yeah sure- at the time, I would have done almost anything for them to love me back.

I am sorry for your situation though. I have a friend who loves a rather mixed up, unreliable guy. Her friends and family low key hate him for how much he's messed her about and hurt her but I think she still loves him. We can't exactly choose who we fall for.

 

[SoulofSteel]

Yeah, we were each others' firsts and were planning to get married in the foreseeable future etc... I want to be hers and hers only, literally cannot stand the thought of some random dude having the time of his life with her while I got thrown away. The only thing keeping me going is the possibility of her coming back so we can fulfill our old promises.

 

[plain_jane]

I used to. Quite a few rounds of limerence for me- obsessive crushes on people. I'm what I expect you would term 'pathetic' or- at least, I was. I can see it all for what it was now though and fortunately, I haven't fallen in that trap recently.

I do understand what you mean by the way. I'm not exactly calling you out for judging some people to be 'pathetic'. I'd like to say though, that it isn't exactly someone's fault for becoming fairytale obsessive like that. They may even realise themselves that it's kind of a foolish and extreme reaction. When you're caught up in it though, it can be hard to see the wood for the trees. Plenty of people will be only too happy to share their opinion but, that doesn't always help. In fact- if they tell you you're being immature or air headed about it, it may only intensify your feelings. No one likes being told their feelings aren't real.

I'm not meaning to have a go at you. I don't think you were really taking the piss out of these 'pathetic' people. Still, a friend of mine used to lightly tease me over stupid stuff I'd done and it did kind of hurt. I think because, on a certain level, we realise it's delussional. Especially if we feel embarassed because we know we have no real chance with them. Still- the feelings are still there none the less and they are terribly intense. Seeing as we are lead to believe that love is terribly intense too- how are we to know the difference?

I believe that limerence is a real phenomenon and it sometimes develops after people have been neglected somewhat in childhood. So, while it probably looks 'pathetic' to the outside world, I'd argue that it's actually more tragic. Kind of why people fall for romance scammers- they're simply desperately in need of love and they project what they need on that person I suppose.

Thankfully for me, it all passed over time. I looked up 'obsessive crush', found the term 'limerence' and have managed to control my crazy obsessive side since. I kind of know it was limerence too because one of the guys I liked I know is dead now and I don't feel very much at all. That would be weird if I had genuinely loved him. But yeah sure- at the time, I would have done almost anything for them to love me back.

I am sorry for your situation though. I have a friend who loves a rather mixed up, unreliable guy. Her friends and family low key hate him for how much he's messed her about and hurt her but I think she still loves him. We can't exactly choose who we fall for.

You are absolutely correct - I don't mean to pose my judgement as moral, it's rather just a learned reaction, having been on both sides of that equation in the past. Also, in this context, it was mostly just to illustrate my own cynicism. I am sorry for your struggles. My judgements are mostly a cynical way to distinguish myself from others. We all need love. I am not above fairytale fantasies.

 

[logi3535]

me and my past lover, i still hold feelings for her but I think i was/am too much for her, it's probably better that she ends up with someone not as messed up as me, but i guess i never got over what happened and i still wish i could hear her loving words again despite it all, i didn't know how to understand the value of a moment until her, now it's just a memory

 

[Linda]

just like one person you really wish loved you but doesn't. for context, I'm polyamorous, so I'm actually dating this woman but she doesn't really love me. it's not like I'm just obsessing over someone I don't know anything about. maybe that's just how I'm dividing myself from the people I myself view as pathetic, despite how pathetic I really am. maybe some monogamous people have this experience as well, of your SO not really loving you? it feels terrible. I know there are worse things but this feels like the worst thing, I would do anything to have her love, I would fulfill her every wish faithfully. I just want to be hers.

If you are dating someone who doesn't love you, maybe it's time to start dating someone else. If she doesn't love you now it's unlikely that she ever will. (Not impossible. But unlikely.) You will find it hard to split from her, but it might be your best option.

 

[GroundControl]

Yes, but not romantically. I just wish my mom loved me. If she could just love me, then I think I could stay. But she can't. And I can't either.

 

[F@#$]

Love is a lie.

 

[Ksmиda]

No, and it's kind of a good thing, as painful as loneliness can be.

I know I'm gonna ctb soon, and if I met someone that loves me, ctb would be much more difficult.
On top of that, I wouldn't want to traumatise/hurt someone by dying.

 

[ctbcat]

kindof. wish i meant something to my ex. it wouldn't solve things - maybe would even have made them worse. but... i don't know, at least i wouldn't have to still have this bitter feeling, 2 years after such a... insignificant amount of time spent together. it's just the memory of them, these days - that's the only them i know, despite being in contact. but i wish they would've... idolised me, maybe, the same way i idolised them. i wish they would've found me beautiful enough, would've found me enough to begin with, instead of 'too much' - too clingy, too distant... they're a bad person, they're badbadbad, and i know this, but it's easier for me to treat myself as the problem that needs to be solved instead

 

[BarnabasCollins]

My dad. Both my parents, really. Or at least I wish they hadn't both hated and resented me for being the reason they stayed together. I'd have taken indifference to that.

 

[BlazingBob]

Anyone would be nice. I live a very cold existence surrounded by hostile people. No warmth or love. I truly believe I'm unlovable because I'm physically sick and have nothing to offer. My family is vicious.

 

[AllAlone]

I would take just about anyone at this point. Or not even love, but just someone kind of liking me would be nice.

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

Yep, that's one of the benefits of maladaptive daydreaming lol. On a more serious note, in real life though I don't, which is why I prefer to spend time in the made up scenarios in my head. That way at least I can control what goes on.

 

[plain_jane]

kindof. wish i meant something to my ex. it wouldn't solve things - maybe would even have made them worse. but... i don't know, at least i wouldn't have to still have this bitter feeling, 2 years after such a... insignificant amount of time spent together. it's just the memory of them, these days - that's the only them i know, despite being in contact. but i wish they would've... idolised me, maybe, the same way i idolised them. i wish they would've found me beautiful enough, would've found me enough to begin with, instead of 'too much' - too clingy, too distant... they're a bad person, they're badbadbad, and i know this, but it's easier for me to treat myself as the problem that needs to be solved instead

it's so little for me to say, but I am still sorry

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, I don't. I just wish to be dead

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I am sorry.

dont be. it was one of those things that cliche's and tropes are made out off.
wrong time, right place
right place wrong time
etc etc etc. lol.

 

[SexyIncél]

It's incredibly hard to love. Some would claim to love me... and they believed it was true... but they were aggressively unable to act in a way that I personally valued. Just the sorta 'love' that gives them the nice fuzzies

I've studied love. I believe I understand it & can do it. But it can be shockingly difficult. If I love someone, it can destroy me... or transform me into something more powerful. Depends on their moral, intellectual & (sadly) physical virtues

I'm polyamorous, so I'm actually dating this woman but she doesn't really love me.

Relationships are very distinct from love. You may find yourself breaking up with someone — in order to truly love them! Real relationships typically require you to play goofy games, that are NOTHING like love

 

[turbomightbegone]

I wish my family would love me for the pathetic excuse of a being that I am, but instead they only love the social status I give them.

 

[cetacea]

I did. It started July 2022, when my closest friend abandoned me.

After exactly a year of my life being in pieces, in July 2023, I found someone who loves me more than anyone else ever has.

Considering the abandonment is what made me think of CTB for the first time in my life, I am doing relatively ok. It was a traumatic experience. It becomes easier when you are over the person. The scars are still there nonetheless. Not sure if they'll ever go away.

I wish everyone here luck.

 

[Chastity]

Yes I wish a friend would love me platonically