Discussion Does anyone else get these intense periods of hopelessness where you feel you have to ctb right then and there?

[Squiddy]

That's how I feel right now. Doesn't happen too often fortunately, but still happens :(

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Yes. They're very intense. I feel like I'm going to explode into tiny pieces. They've only just started. I think I either listen to music, hold my breath or bite my nails until they pass

 

[C_F]

Absolutely. I actually hope to leverage one of those moments to CTB soon though.

I hope you feel better soon

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I am new to this forum, but this is very much me. Some moments are so painful I just want it to be over. I ended up in the phsyc unit 6 months ago after an extremely bad week. If someone wouldn't have dragged me to the ER, I would not be here today. I have ups and downs and this last week has been downs and more downs. I cut myself a lot yesterday. My life looking back has gone in a direction I should have never gone, but here I am. People depend on me so I wallow in my painful existence only for them. The time will come when I must not live for everyone else, but die for me.

Absolutely. I actually hope to leverage one of those moments to CTB soon though.

I hope you feel better soon

It will happen for me one day. I so wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up

 

[GravityUtilizer]

That's how I feel right now. Doesn't happen too often fortunately, but still happens :(

At which times I wish I was standing on the edge of a cliff.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

At which times I wish I was standing on the edge of a cliff.

In that moment if I had the means right then I would Ctb and be gone. Over the pain. Over the guilt. Just over

 

[rhiino]

Yes, I know those moments where you just cannot stand pure existence anymore. I also hope I can use one of those moments to finally do it, but since I got my method ready there was none.

 

[WillOxyWork]

Yes, but in those moments I usually have eaten within the last 8 hours, so my option to use SN to ctb isn't even possible

I've been reading some theories about suicide though, and some people argue that if you ctb during one of these overwhelming moments, it wasn't a rational decision, because when the moment passes the desire to ctb isn't nearly as strong.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Yes quite a lot. It is really connected to panic and anxiety for me. Sometimes it feels like my body is rejecting life entirely; my chest feels tight and I can't make myself move around. I want to vanish and never return when that shit happens.

 

[Nymph]

I do, usually I try to get my mind off of them by overdosing on some stuff and try to fall asleep. In the past I would paint, listen to music or self harm but that stopped working.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I do, usually I try to get my mind off of them by overdosing on some stuff and try to fall asleep. In the past I would paint, listen to music or self harm but that stopped working.

I definitely understand this feeling. Taking more than enough meds to just pass out. Dull the pain. I had never cut until yesterday. I can definitely see why it is used to cope. I cut my arm, wrist, chest, legs. The pain dulled the crap I was feeling from this life.

 

[Squiddy]

Yes quite a lot. It is really connected to panic and anxiety for me. Sometimes it feels like my body is rejecting life entirely; my chest feels tight and I can't make myself move around. I want to vanish and never return when that shit happens.

I usually try to smoke when I have it

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

This has been my story for the past year. Meds have often helped in those moments. I expect that someday, nothing will help, and that's what finally pushes me over the edge.

 

[Linda]

Yes, but in those moments I usually have eaten within the last 8 hours, so my option to use SN to ctb isn't even possible

I've been reading some theories about suicide though, and some people argue that if you ctb during one of these overwhelming moments, it wasn't a rational decision, because when the moment passes the desire to ctb isn't nearly as strong.

I would definitely agree with those "some people". If your attitude can change in just a few hours, you aren't ready to go.

 

[bigdog]

Kill me

 

[XYZ]

Yes. I start hitting myself when that happens to cope with the anxiety. I hate myself for not being stronger.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I feel like it's easier for me to ctb impulsively during one of those overwhelming moments. Sometimes those suicidal feelings are more intense and sometimes they do go away sometimes after a few hours. Maybe it means I'm not ready to go but it still means that I want to go.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Hopelessness and just straight up emotional pain. it sucks

 

[muffin222]

Yes. I get "emotional flashbacks" into intense bouts of despair, hopelessness, and sorrow

 

[Squiddy]

Hopelessness and just straight up emotional pain. it sucks

Yeah it does

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I set my appointment for ctb 4 months ago and have to wait another 2 months.

These moments have been there before, but very often in the past 4 months.

It is difficult to describe these moments when an absolute longing for death grips me. Life was hard to endure before, but in those moments it is sheer disgust and hatred that floods me.

Only the unfeeling, rational mind prevents me from killing myself with the first possible opportunity

 

[Meditation guide]

I have panic and terror over the latest episodes of unbelievable life circumstances that keep hitting me. Right now for example if only I had the way. ....... I face the most horrific things no one else could imagine all the time for some reason. I'm a fairly private person so don't go into much details.

 

[Squiddy]

Just woke up in a hopeless ctb mood. I'm so ready for this life to be over :(

 

[MsMaudlin]

Yes! I'm in that place now. If I could just press a switch, here and now, I would.

❤

 

[Bruces]

God yeah no more life!!!!

 

[xaea13]

Yes. I get "emotional flashbacks" into intense bouts of despair, hopelessness, and sorrow

This right here. Thinking about the few moments in my life when I thought things would be okay, and then realizing that going back to a state like that is impossible now.

 

[Checkout2]

I live like this every day. I just want to go, but I think I will go to hell. I will also cause my family distress and I do t want to do that

Wish I could go peacefully

 

[Linda]

Yes! I'm in that place now. If I could just press a switch, here and now, I would.

❤

If those periods come and go, and life is OK between them, then it's probably best just to put up with the bad times and wait for the good times to return. (Sometimes easier said than done, I know.) It's probably not a good idea to ctb because of a situation that is only temporary, however bad it feels. Of course, if you are down most of the time, and there are few or no "good times", that's a different situation.

I really like your avatar. Is she like you?

 

[I screwed up]

I keep getting in and out of and such phases ... Try to smoke or watch some crap on YT to distract myself.

 

[Sinai Silence]

It really does suck when they do happen, I'm never able to really distract myself and it can keep me up for hours.

Waking up is always the worst part about my day, coming back to reality and hearing nothing but loud ringing really makes me want to ctb right on the spot.

Hope you're having a better day today Squiddy