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Lookingtoflyfree

Lookingtoflyfree

Student
Jan 11, 2024
161
Yeah, I feel the same way. I feel like an alien and that I'm on the wrong planet. I don't think that I was meant to be in this world. I'm neurodivergent and I have Asperger's/autism as well as ADHD and social anxiety. I just feel like I'll never belong or fit into this world. It's just a feeling of being ill-suited for it.
This is how I feel - I've felt like an alien since childhood and the AuDHD part is a huge part of it. I don't have anyone in my life who's a friend to turn to, nobody like me. It's very easy for me to anticipate ending things, because there's not really anyone to be staying for. If I had a small group of friends that would be the dream but it's not going to happen at my age. I see that now - it's worse as an adult. I had some friends as a kid but that's not possible now. I look around this apartment and know - there's nothing that I'll need. I can walk away. I have absolute freedom, and I'l walk out that door to my demise and be calm for the first time in forever.

There is freedom in choosing to escape. Once my furniture is going and arrangements made, I'll be able to just disappear and nobody will know or care, and there won't even be a funeral! There could be a few family members who show up, but anyone else? Nope. These are 'friends' on social media I have but haven't hear of in decades. I plan to unfriend all of them the day before I go so it's not like they're ever going to hear.

The planning of cutting ties gives me joy. This alien robot escaped the factory of this planet, and I'll be finally FREE
 
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PhilosopherInAV0id

The Reaper of Self, Amid the Silence
Jan 28, 2024
14
I can relate to this so deeply. I can't say I have made myself as isolated as you might be-I made friends-but even then that is only through me putting up a front. In truth I simply just want everyone to stay away, and leave me alone so that I can be with my #1, 2, and 3 companions-me, myself, and I.

I can't even guarantee that I am similar to myself. I like to occasionally make songs on how I feel, and one line that I just couldn't forget went like this: "My mind is a room that's filled with clones. there's so many there and all my own. I just want to get them out and be alone, but the problem is which one I own." I can look normal to society, but I can never even distinguish if that is 'me', or something else I created. CTB would just help me with ending the cycle of confusion.
 
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