Help does anyone else feel better when they feel bad? like does that make sense?

[imreadyplayerone]

like feeling awful about myself and encouraging myself to harm my self. makes me feel whole, smarter, above it all idk.
like ignoring messages from friends and family makes me feel superior.
like suffering makes me better or maybe i'm just so up myself that i delude myself into thinking i like it when i actually hate it.

anyway tell me how wrong and dumb i am please

 

[interna]

yes. makes me feel revindicated almost