Discussion Does anyone else cringe when asked if you’re ok or asked how you are?

[RemainingDubious]

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

i often don't even know how to respond. i often attempt to avoid thinking about my own thoughts and feelings since the more i'm aware of my reality, the worse i feel and despise my existence.

When asked i usually automatically think for a moment and get hit with the reality i spend most my existence attempting to avoid.

The questions actually trigger emotional pain.

Since i dislike lying too, it makes the questions further more uncomfortable. When i answer completely honestly when it seems like someone has asked since they genuinely care enough to want to know the answer, it doesn't make reality any better whatsoever. No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Has anyone found a way to politely avoid answering when asked?

i don't like to upset people, make people uncomfortable or make them feel anything negative. i hate it when people i know don't care ask for the sake of it. It feels rather intrusive.

i usually feel terrible and rude when someone random person, for example someone on a checkout that i don't know, have never met and probably never will meet again asks, since i deliberately ignore them. i become aware i'm a hypocrite since i personally don't like being ignored and feel like i've wasted my breath. Yet there i am deliberately ignoring someone else.

Am i the only one who finds it intrusive being asked such a personal question?

Why do random strangers feel the need to ask? It's rather selfish if it's only to pass their time. Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

What is the point? What does asking achieve? What if someone were to open up to them and tell them exactly how they truly are? Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them? Are they going to risk losing their job since they truly care and honestly want to know? How long will they keep other customers waiting because they're fully invested in you?

 

[Meteora]

Those closest to me should know better. i shouldn't have to spell it out for them over and over. i try my hardest to avoid knowing the answer myself which they know so it gets rather annoying at times.

I relate.... seems to be some ignorance to it....

i'm aware i ask people questions quite abit but that's due to me actually caring and wanting to understand or provide questions for them to discover an answer for themselves that may be of some help

I think that shows interest and thats nothing bad.

Most people dislike being wrong especially when told they're wrong. i personally learn much better when i've learnt for myself. So when i notice assumption or false summaries i try to get them to rethink about it.

That's true, unfortunately. Most people are gridlocked.

If i wanted to be asked questions i'd sign up for a game show or something.

i'm so socially awkward i usually don't have anything to say, so want most conversations to end. i actually don't think i've learnt the art of changing subject since i often don't even want the majority of conversations in the first place.

Hm don t think it is socially akward if you dont like to talk to strangers..
I always considered myself an introvert but I learned to talk a bit better. What I struggle with is small talk. Most ppl talk way too much (nonsense) imo. Better to be quiet.

The art of changing subject.... ... is difficult, true.

 

[Valso]

I usually answer I'm "OK" (which, naturally, isn't true at all), only to avoid the conversation but once when I wasn't in the mood for that bullshit (it happens sometimes) I errupted with "I was born and live in the worst country in the world compared to which the christian hell would look like a 5-star hotel! How the fuck do you think I am?!".

 

[Meteora]

i'm my biggest problem. my mind constantly tortures me. even happy memories hurt. since we only truly exist in our own mind unless someone wipes my mind, kills me or makes me completely brain dead, they can't help.

Hm that sounds difficult, guess I can understand it in some ways..... do you know why your mind tortures you?

i honestly don't understand, i find it weird people asking questions they don't even want to know the answer to.

It is. It makes no sense.

 

[A Human?]

I cringe when my kids ask, mainly because I don't want them to know everything, and i don't want to lie, so i have to find a middle ground and it breaks my heart every time.

But mostly i cringe because they are the only human beings that ever ask me that, I'm not used to hearing it.

 

[RemainingDubious]

Hm that sounds difficult, guess I can understand it in some ways..... do you know why your mind tortures you?

The way i see things often makes me hate the things i see. i can't fool myself either like most people seem to be able to do effortlessly.

It is. It makes no sense.

The pretence irritates me.

 

[unabletocope]

All the time

 

[Meteora]

The way i see things often makes me hate the things i see. i can't fool myself either like most people seem to be able to do effortlessly.

It is good you cannot fool yourself, I guess. That's a huge strength. but not easy to live with.

 

[RemainingDubious]

It is good you cannot fool yourself, I guess. That's a huge strength. but not easy to live with.

ignorance can be bliss i think it might of been better when i was too naive to see how things actually are.

I cringe when my kids ask, mainly because I don't want them to know everything, and i don't want to lie, so i have to find a middle ground and it breaks my heart every time.

But mostly i cringe because they are the only human beings that ever ask me that, I'm not used to hearing it.

That must be so difficult

They ask since they genuinely want to know and/or understand (especially if they can tell something is bothering you)

Obviously this will completely depend on what age they are. If they old enough, being slightly more open with them might be a good thing? It could potentially better prepare them for life. It could also show they it's okay to have difficult conversation instead of feeling like they have to bottle things up.

How i'd personally try to see it in your position, would be to ask myself how i'd feel If i asked a loved one how they felt. i'd be asking because i sincerely wanted to know, especially if i could tell something was bothering them. i wouldn't like it if they felt they couldn't truly express themselves.

 

[nofunclub]

I saw this meme a while ago that was like, "how are you" "for purposes of this conversation, I'm fine" and that's usually what I think of lately lol. That or this vine…



Saying I'm fine is a lie, but it's okay because most of the time they're not really asking, it's social convention. I do cringe though.

 

[Meteora]

ignorance can be bliss i think it might of been better when i was too naive to see how things actually are.

Yeah I know......... i feel the same..............

 

[Cosis]

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

i often don't even know how to respond. i often attempt to avoid thinking about my own thoughts and feelings since the more i'm aware of my reality, the worse i feel and despise my existence.

When asked i usually automatically think for a moment and get hit with the reality i spend most my existence attempting to avoid.

The questions actually trigger emotional pain.

Since i dislike lying too, it makes the questions further more uncomfortable. When i answer completely honestly when it seems like someone has asked since they genuinely care enough to want to know the answer, it doesn't make reality any better whatsoever. No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Has anyone found a way to politely avoid answering when asked?

i don't like to upset people, make people uncomfortable or make them feel anything negative. i hate it when people i know don't care ask for the sake of it. It feels rather intrusive.

i usually feel terrible and rude when someone random person, for example someone on a checkout that i don't know, have never met and probably never will meet again asks, since i deliberately ignore them. i become aware i'm a hypocrite since i personally don't like being ignored and feel like i've wasted my breath. Yet there i am deliberately ignoring someone else.

Am i the only one who finds it intrusive being asked such a personal question?

Why do random strangers feel the need to ask? It's rather selfish if it's only to pass their time. Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

What is the point? What does asking achieve? What if someone were to open up to them and tell them exactly how they truly are? Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them? Are they going to risk losing their job since they truly care and honestly want to know? How long will they keep other customers waiting because they're fully invested in you?

I really hate lying, but I am a constant liar because of this question.

NO ONE wants to really hear how bad you're doing. It takes hours to explain the situation. A whole life story, and then if someone finally hears it all, they say "You gotta keep trying and it will eventually work out". I'm not violent either, but that dumbfuck statement makes want to punch people in the fucking face.

 

[hadenough58]

I make jokes about only being happy when I am being miserable but these people I speak to are only asking to be polite.
I don't think anyone will be surprised when I ctb

 

[flypno]

there´s an artist in my country who said: "i´m fine, until you ask me how i´m doing." he knows...

I'm often asked how I'm doing when I'm in a conversation. And even if the conversation with the person goes well, this is the point at which everything falls apart. I don't want to lie at this moment, but I even less want to tell the truth. "It's all good" is my most common answer and the easiest lie most people believe.

 

[Dayrain]

It's funny how two more words would turn the most banal question into the most sensible. ("How are you?"-"How are you still alive?")