who are you living for?

[LastBusStop]

Are you staying alive for someone? If so, who?

The only person I love is my sister. We both don't get along with anyone else in our family, I know ending my life would kill her. I don't care about anyone else, I hope they feel the guilt & know part of the blame is on them, but I know she will blame herself. I can't imagine dying knowing it'll kill her, but I need to let go.

 

[LastNite]

Myself, in a way, family isn't much of a reason to keep living for me.

 

[ThroughTheLight]

Personally I'm not living for anyone. A person who really cares about me would appreciate my right to autonomy and that this is what I truly want. The only reason I am alive is because of my pesky survival instinct. If not for that, I would have died years ago.

 

[LastBusStop]

Myself, in a way, family isn't much of a reason to keep living for me.

Fair, I just wish she never existed. It would be easier to CTB.

 

[DTWAFavor]

my younger siblings and my older sibling's kids. The younger ones are too young to comprehend death and the older ones would be heartbroken. I suppose I'm living for my parents, but its not because i have a good relationship with them (i dont) its just financial i dont want them to deal with me and that they might kill themselves

 

[Pluto]

 

[adventures]

Are you staying alive for someone? If so, who?

The only person I love is my sister. We both don't get along with anyone else in our family, I know ending my life would kill her. I don't care about anyone else, I hope they feel the guilt & know part of the blame is on them, but I know she will blame herself. I can't imagine dying knowing it'll kill her, but I need to let go.

mainly my pets, i can't see them for months and i'm extremely excited to see them and live with them again, they mean the world to me

 

[LastBusStop]

my younger siblings and my older sibling's kids. The younger ones are too young to comprehend death and the older ones would be heartbroken. I suppose I'm living for my parents, but its not because i have a good relationship with them (i dont) its just financial i dont want them to deal with me and that they might kill themselves

You're better than me. I can't find it in me to care about my family other than my sister. I have a younger brother & I love him, but I don't have a huge attachment to him, he'll forget anyways.

mainly my pets, i can't see them for months and i'm extremely excited to see them and live with them again, they mean the world to me

what pets do you have?

 

[FluffIsJustice]

My mother, it would destroy her.

 

[DTWAFavor]

You're better than me. I can't find it in me to care about my family other than my sister. I have a younger brother & I love him, but I don't have a huge attachment to him, he'll forget anyways.

Hah i wouldn't say I'm better, you feeling as you already do is enough. I also think my siblings would find it in them to move on. I care that they'd have to deal with my death as a potential triple casualty. Plus the foster care system here isn't the best. The least trauma i can cause, the better

 

[Off_Switch]

I'm living for a coward that isn't brave enough to do it.

 

[waaaheaven]

my sweet momo

 

[Spite]

My mother, my wife, my grandparents, and a couple of Internet friends.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i think im losing almost everyone i had to live for. i never hear from most of my friends, even ones who said i was one of their best friends. im sure they dont mean to be bad, they are busy, but i see them make time for each other and sometimes i feel left out.

i am kind of living for my family i guess, but i am mostly living for the one friend who is still around. he has depression too and understands what im going through kinda, asks how i am and hangs out with me and texts me and calls me. i still want to die very much though.

i attempted a few times recently, but have put it off right now to be in a play. just as much as i live for my one friend, i live for theatre and i live for my favorite play, and the imaginary world of it in my head that i live for. i guess i kinda do have others to live for besides the one friend, but those other people mostly don't actually exist.

 

[decadance]

my family and friends, but for my sister the most

i know it'll break her more than anyone else, she said herself how much it'd hurt her. i cant express how much it hurts me knowing how what i'll do will effect them. im terrified that my family will kill themselves, i have awful memory so i cant remember for sure but i think some of them have said they would.

i know i wont be able to stay around as long i wish i could and i feel like an evil person knowing what ill cause and still doing it. but ive been suicidal for 10 years already and i know theres no way my mind can bear living another 60+ years to outlive them all. im trying to spend time with them and tell them how much i love them as much as i can while im still here

 

[GardenGirl089]

Normally im not self centered at all, but i dont really care what people i leave behind have to deal with or how i made them feel. I feel if they truly cared they would have known i was struggling. Signs are there but my family are all self centered so they dont see it. I feel many people die everyday so whats the difference just because they chose to with suicide.

 

[Clairemw]

Its just a habbit at this point I think. And a bad one at that.

 

[Die.A.Ria]

Same with me im doing it for my sister and dad but when i move out i will cut my whoel family off and then CTB but i could do just CTB without doing that soon if i get bad news in my appointment or from my surgery

 

[Forever Sleep]

My Dad. I just worry that I won't find the courage to do it once he's gone.

 

[meiherasayuri]

I am still alive because I am a coward

 

[mac_se]

I guess I'm just living for myself. Not because I believe things will change, but because I'm scared of dying. It stopped being about other people a long time ago. I know it would destroy the people around me, and I even kind of like the thought of inflicting that kind of suffering on them, as fucked up as it is.

 

[watergun88]

but I need to let go

let go of what? let go of leaving her deal with this cruel world herself alone ?

i am trying not to judge, idk what u going though so if its too much, i understand, but just want to make sure the pain is greater than what u can bear. and she is not fully relying on you.

 

[unluckysadness]

My mother. I know she will be devastated and it makes me so sad. But she can still live for 20 years and I can't wait so long so I must deal with it.

 

[LastBusStop]

let go of what? let go of leaving her deal with this cruel world herself alone ?

i am trying not to judge, idk what u going though so if its too much, i understand, but just want to make sure the pain is greater than what u can bear. and she is not fully relying on you.

Let go as I'm CTB. My life is significantly worse than hers, so yes the pain is great than what I can bear. She doesn't rely on me, quite the opposite actually, and I don't need an excuse to leave.

I guess I'm just living for myself. Not because I believe things will change, but because I'm scared of dying. It stopped being about other people a long time ago. I know it would destroy the people around me, and I even kind of like the thought of inflicting that kind of suffering on them, as fucked up as it is.

I don't see it a fucked, some people only learn when pain is inflicted.

Same with me im doing it for my sister and dad but when i move out i will cut my whoel family off and then CTB but i could do just CTB without doing that soon if i get bad news in my appointment or from my surgery

I'd like to cut her off as well. Maybe it'll hurt less that way.

 

[butimstillsoblue]

I live only for my beloved cat. I have no family, friends or partner. I don't know how I can trust anyone ever again.

To those who are saying they're only here because they're a coward or are scared of dying, there is nothing wrong with you. I'm no expert but I'd say those are quite normal feelings to have. I'm scared too. Sending love